Casablanca The Musical by Magnolia Thunderpussy, Actor’s Workshop, 18 September 2001

Some months earlier, Mike Ward had, over dinner on one of his visits to London, raised the idea of Casablanca The Musical with me. He was working on the book and wanted me to write some silly lyrics to well known songs with him.

I quite rapidly wrote one lyric, I Only Have Heils For You…

I Only Have “Heils” For You, Casablanca the Musical, Actor’s Workshop Halifax, 27 July 2001

…which (to be fair without my having provided much context) led Janie to wonder whether I had taken leave of my senses.

In the end, I wrote a few lyrics (now all Ogblogged, between the dates 27 July and 8 August 2001), including one jointly with David Seidel, who knew a lot more about 30s and 40s music than I did, although perhaps not quite as much about the sort of silly lyrics that might work in Mike’s show.

I took the brief quite seriously considering what a silly brief it was. I remember tracking down and reading the movie script as well as Mike’s musical book to help me remember the story and think through the bits that might lend themselves best to musical interludes. The joke in the programme notes about me not having seen the book until the very last minute is…a joke.

I also wrote programme notes for that original production; a mixture of serious and silly – available here and below:

Casablanca The Musical, Timeline And Programme Notes For Original 2001 Production, Written By Yours Truly, 31 August 2001

The production was scheduled at fairly short notice for mid-September 2001. I had arranged to speak at a charity conference in Sheffield on the Monday (17th), so it seemed sensible for me to press further into Yorkshire on the Tuesday and see the show that second night, which I did.

My charity accountants conference talk is long-since forgotten, I hope. I do recall it was a double-act with Mary O’Callaghan and I expect I charitably let Mary deliver all the best jokes. You’ll simply have to imagine what those side-splitting, uproarious gags might have been and how those charity accountants must have laughed and laughed…

…but I digress.

Actually I do remember that I met a very pleasant woman from Norwood Ravenswood who connected me to their archivist who was extremely helpful in providing information on the orphaned (Krasey) side of my mother’s family…

…but that is even more of a digression.

Point is, on the Tuesday, mid to late morning, I headed north-west from Sheffield and checked in to the Imperial Crown. Janie, who had been up to the Actor’s Workshop for the Pausanias Affair earlier that summer, was unable to cancel out her work for such a one-nighter, so I braved Halifax alone on that occasion.

I don’t recall all the details of the afternoon and evening. I have a feeling that it was quite similar to my solo quick turnaround visit to see the revival in 2018; I think I went to the theatre to meet Mike. There was a sense of excitement as the show had been well previewed locally so was all-but sold out.

I’m pretty sure that Mike and I then went back to his house, where Lottie no doubt served up some splendid grub and good wine. Then we went back to the theatre to see the show.

I do remember enjoying the show. I recall the second half seeming to tail off a little – perhaps due to the book (which Mike subsequently edited for the revival to good effect I think) – more likely it is just an exhausting show for the cast. I remember that there were several girls playing the role of Ilsa, for reasons that weren’t explained in the script – I suppose Mike had written too few parts for women and wanted to give several young females a chance.

I do also recall feeling that, first time round, Ouagadougou Choo Choo had not quite been the rousing finale I had intended. That number certainly worked better (to my taste) in 2018.

In those days, The Evening Courier reviewed stuff for the Actor’s Workshop and this piece/production got a pretty darned hot review:

Tragically, the theatre was destroyed just a few week’s later, in an incident which seemed to be connected with the rioting in several Northern towns that autumn but in fact was later identified as to be youthful mischief that got seriously out of hand.

I couldn’t help wondering at the time whether my songs, in particular, Ouagadougou Choo Choo, had actually brought the house down.

Joking apart though, this show was a gargantuan effort for a tiny charitable youth theatre. But that effort was dwarfed by the efforts it must have needed to bring the Workshop back from the almost-dead after that tragic incident.

Looking back, Mike Ward just shrugs and says he can’t remember and sort-of wonders how he/they did it.

But back in September 2001, all of that was the future, while Casablanca The Musical took a highly irreverent look back at the past.

Renault And Clouseau, Lyric Co-Written With David Seidel, Casablanca the Musical, Actor’s Workshop Halifax, 8 August 2001

This is one of the numbers for show Casablanca The Musical:

Casablanca The Musical by Magnolia Thunderpussy, Actor’s Workshop, 18 September 2001

This one was more David Seidel than me. I edited David’s fine work on this one but he deserves most of the credit.

RENAULT AND CLOUSEAU VERSION 1.1

By David Seidel and Ian Harris – (based on “Five Guys Named Moe”)

 

CLOUSEAU:        Gonna tell you ‘bout our Chief of Police

RENAULT:           With a know-it-all of an accomplice

I’m Renault

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

RENAULT:           I’m in the know

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

CLOUSEAU:        I’m Clouseau

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

RENAULT:           He’s a real thick-o

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

They’re the suckers, They’re the suckers

Sucking up to Strasser!

Woe Woe Woe Woe Gestapo

 

CLOUSEAU:        He’s the greatest cop in town

Is he crooked, is he sound?

You wanna find out? Stick around

COMPANY:         Louis Renault

RENAULT:           I’ve a useless gadabout

A busybody with no clout

Gets onyer tits more than “Beadle’s About”

COMPANY:         Monsieur Clouseau

 

CLOUSEAU:        I pop out of nowhere

Interfere with everything

I’m the pest who knows what’s best

RENAULT:           At least that’s what he thinks!

 

CLOUSEAU:        His name is a brand of cars

RENAULT:          His bowels are irregular

BOTH:                   We both talk out of our arse.

COMPANY:         Like guys on blow!

 

RENAULT:           I’m Renault

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

RENAULT:           I’m in the know

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

CLOUSEAU:        I’m Clouseau

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

RENAULT:           He’s a real thick-o

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

LAZLO:                 I’m Lazlo

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

LAZLO:                 I’m Ilsa’s beau

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

WICK:                   I’m Wick – yo

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

WICK:                   I’m Ilsa’s beau

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

NAZIS:                  We’re Gestapo

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

NAZIS:                  Whaddya know?

COMPANY:         Doo dee a doo da

They’re the suckers, They’re the suckers

Clouseau and Renault!!

Here is a video of Five Guys Named Moe:

 

I Always Hurt the Ones I Con, Casablanca the Musical, Actor’s Workshop Halifax, 8 August 2001

This is one of the numbers I wrote for show Casablanca The Musical:

Casablanca The Musical by Magnolia Thunderpussy, Actor’s Workshop, 18 September 2001

Mike Ward ended up writing a lot of business for the Lou Ferrari character desperately trying to upstage everyone else and get a slot in the show for his solo. Here is the lyric.

 I ALWAYS HURT THE ONES I CON

(Song to the Tune of “You Always Hurt the Ones You Love”)

 

LUIGI FERRARI – SOLO

 

VERSE 1

 

I always hurt the ones I con,

The ones I shouldn’t shaft at all;

I always take the greenest jerks,

And fleece ’em ‘til they’ve got naff all.

I always trick the desperate souls,

With a hasty scam I can’t recall;

So if I took your shirt last night,

It’s because I stuffed you most of all.

 

VERSE 2

 

I always stiff, the refugees,

Although I shouldn’t cheat and lie;

I always dupe the feeble toads,

Who are the weakest link, goodbye.

I always make the biggest bucks,

With a hasty hoax or quick disguise;

So if I skinned your hide last night,

It’s because I’m the most evil guy.

Here is a video of Paul Anka singing You Always Hurt The One You Love:

I’ve always liked the Spike Jones version of that song. Strangely, I found a vid with George Bettinger lip-synching the Spike Jones version. Coincidentally it has the Casablanca poster as a background. How weird is that?:

https://youtu.be/K45RTO7PDtU

Getting Drunk At Lou Ferrari’s, Casablanca the Musical, Actor’s Workshop Halifax, 8 August 2001

This is one of the numbers I wrote for Casablanca The Musical:

Casablanca The Musical by Magnolia Thunderpussy, Actor’s Workshop, 18 September 2001

It was intended to be the first number used in the show – not quite an opening number but for sure a scene-setting number.

 GETTING DRUNK AT LOU FERRARI’S

(Song to the Tune of “Rum and Coca Cola”)

 

 

VERSE 1

 

If you’re in colonial Vichy France,

Meet your old flames just by happenstance,

Everybody else just comes to Wick’s,

But Ferrari’s an old dog with new tricks.

 

CHORUS 1

 

Getting drunk at Lou Ferrari’s,

On Coke and chilled Bacardis,

Papers, drugs and honeys,

Working for the funny money.

 

VERSE 2

 

Senior Ferrari is a git,

Full of invention, full of shit,

More Mister Nice Guy, no he ain’t,

Makes Jeffrey Archer seem a saint.

 

CHORUS 2

 

Getting stoned at Lou Ferrari’s,

On Coke and ganja brownies,

Papers, drugs and honeys,

Working for the funny money.

 

VERSE 3

 

Half way along the Greenstreet,

You’ll find his bar Pink Paraqueet,

Don’t ask for café or for latte,

Or you’ll end up as dead as poor Ugarte.

 

CHORUS 3

 

Getting bombed at Lou Ferrari’s,

Every night’s a party,

Papers, drugs and honeys,

Working for the funny money.

Here is the Andrew Sisters singing Rum & Coca Cola:

…or, if you prefer colour and movement, here are The Priester Sisters:

Mad Frogs And Englishmen – WW2 Resistance Version, Casablanca the Musical, Actor’s Workshop Halifax, 27 July 2001

This is one of the numbers I wrote for show Casablanca The Musical:

Casablanca The Musical by Magnolia Thunderpussy, Actor’s Workshop, 18 September 2001

It is an adaptation of one of my most successful NewsRevue lyrics, Mad Frogs And Englishmen, which was about the Bosnian War. That will be Ogblogged in the fullness of time.

Anyway, here is the version for Casablanca The Musical:

 MAD FROGS AND ENGLISHMEN – WW2 RESISTANCE VERSION

(Song to the Tune of “Mad Dogs and Englishmen”)

VERSE 1

In Moroccan climbs these are torrid times these days,

Where Vichy generals conspire to hang around in strange attire;

This Second World War has the Nazi’s cause affray,

And any wise guy with a bar is not prepared to serve those la-di-das all day.

Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tat – its just machine gun fire, ignore it, dig-a-dig-a-dig-a-dig-a-do;

We make Jerry irate and the Vichy hate our guts, cos we resistance types are definitely nuts.

CHORUS 1

Mad Frogs and Englishmen resist the advancing Hun,

Norwegians didn’t care to, Italians wouldn’t dare to;

The loss via the cross fire cannot be described as fun

But French and English weirdos are heros;

In Marrakesh when getting fresh the Gaullists run amok,

Down in Sofi the Berber’s trophy is a Gestapo troop’s left bollock;

In Rabat, the bureaucrats ensure no more work gets done,

While mad Frogs and Englishmen resist the advancing Hun.

CHORUS 2

Mad Frogs and Englishmen resist the advancing Hun,

Morocco is a posting where Germans get a roasting,

The local blokes sell fancy smokes, so black, red and gold get done,

The Free French all say Oui for a reefer;

In Tangiers the local queers like Nazis in uniform,

In Meknes and also Fes they write code in cuneiform;

In Casablanca,

No Nazi wanker,

Will stop us from having fun,

So mad Frogs and Englishmen resist the advancing, pissed the advancing, hissed the advancing, kissed the advancing, missed the advancing, dissed the advancing, fist the advancing Hun.

Here is a vid of Noel Coward singing Mad Dogs and Englishmen

Ouagadougou Choo Choo, Casablanca the Musical, Actor’s Workshop Halifax, 27 July 2001

This is the closing number for the show, Casablanca The Musical:

Casablanca The Musical by Magnolia Thunderpussy, Actor’s Workshop, 18 September 2001

Not the most politically correct lyrics I have ever written, but Mike Ward especially loves the final verse. Personally, I especially like the couplet:

When you hear the camels farting eight to the bar,

Then you know that Upper Volta ain’t very far;

Anyway, it’s not really about what I like (or what Mike likes)…the number does seem to go down well to close that show. Here are all the lyrics:

 

 THE OUAGADOUGOU CHOO CHOO

(Song to the Tune of “The Chatanooga Choo Choo”)

 

INTRO

Camel Trains, What’ja say?

Flee Casablanca any day;

Bend an ear and listen to my version,

Of a really whacky African excursion.

 

CHORUS

 

PASSENGER:      Pardon me, boy,

Is that the Ouagadougou Choo Choo?

MOROCCAN:     Track double-o,

There’s just the one place we go;

Can you afford, to board, the Ouagadougou Choo Choo?

PASSENGER:      Say fifty francs?

MOROCCAN:     Last price, sixty…..

PASSENGER:                                …..s’a’deal, thanks.

 

MIDDLE EIGHT 2

 

You get to Essouira station about quarter to two,

In another week or so you’re in Timbuktu;

Before you get that far, a,

Pit stop in Zagora,

Then you eat your cous cous while in Western Sahara.

 

When you hear the camels farting eight to the bar,

Then you know that Upper Volta ain’t very far;

One last stop in Kaya,

To get a little higher,

Woo-woo Ouagadougou there you are.

 

OUTRO

 

There’s gonna be,

A welcome party at the station;

All tits and spears,

They think their dinner’s appeared.

I’m gonna cry,

Unless we shift our arses we’ll be toast,

So Casablanca Choo Choo, take me back to the coast!!!

Here is a vid with Glenn Miller, his orchestra and his entourage performing Chattanooga Choo Choo:

I Only Have “Heils” For You, Casablanca the Musical, Actor’s Workshop Halifax, 27 July 2001

I have written more elsewhere about my role in writing lyrics for Mike Ward’s extraordinary production, Casablanca The Musical, for The Actor’s Workshop in Halifax in 2001:

Casablanca The Musical by Magnolia Thunderpussy, Actor’s Workshop, 18 September 2001

In this piece, which I upped some time before writing up the show as a whole, I simply wanted to post the lyrics for one of the songs, which was written for the Nazi Officer character, who was portrayed in Mike’s book as an especially enthusiastic fan of Hitler, much like the Nazi character in The Producers.

Janie thought I had gone mad when I first showed her and demonstrated the lyric to her, with suitable heel clicks whenever the character says, “heil”.

 ♬ I ONLY HAVE HEILS FOR YOU ♬

(Song to the Tune of “I Only Have Eyes for You”)

INTRO

(Zis is how I feel about Herr Hitler)

My awe must be a kind of blind awe,

All things Herr Fuhrer says are true;

I wonder if this is refined awe,

Cos now we’ve started World War Two.

VERSE 1

There’s a blitzkrieg tonight,

We have set most of Europe alight,

But I only have heils for you, MEIN FUHRER;

The troops show their might,

Half the world has gone barmy with fright,

But I only have heils for you.

I don’t know if we’re routing Poland,

Or on the march to Timbuktu,

You are feared, so am I;

We’re as nice as a poke in the eye,

And the world doesn’t share our view,

But I only have heils for you.

VERSE 2

Once we’d held Kristalnacht,

All the world knew that peace was well facht,

But I only have heils for you (ooo-ooo Fuhrer);

You and Goebbels are pally,

When you’re holding a Nurenberg rally,

Then I only have heils for you.

I don’t know if you are a nutcase,

Or just a yob with attitude,

You are feared, so am I;

Maybe millions of people will fry,

And they’ll all disappear from view,

But I only have heils for you.

                   copyright © Ian Harris 2001

Just in case you are unfamiliar with this wonderful Warren and Dubin song from the Busby Berkeley Movie Dames, here is a link to the Dick Powell and Ruby Keeler version of the song. 

…or you might prefer this version with the dancing…

…or you might prefer Art Garfunkle’s dreamy slow version:

My First Ever Book Signing, Clean Business Cuisine (the book), Actors’ Workshop Halifax (the venue), Yet Something Was Missing, 5 July 2000

Clean Business Cuisine, Released 30 June 2000

Michael Mainelli and I, (through Milet, our publisher and Tanya Aslan whom we assigned to the promotion task), organised an intensive promotion campaign around the book, starting with an opportunistic book signing in Yorkshire 5 July.

I had a long association with Mike Ward and The Actor’s Workshop (as it was then called), mostly through my song lyrics.

Mike had started writing plays by 2000. As coincidence would have it, the first of these; The Elland Affair, was due to launch around the same time as Clean Business Cuisine.

Further, I had written some extensive programme notes for The Elland Affair – click here or below:

Programme Notes For The Elland Affair by Mike Ward, I Wrote The Notes 9 May 2000

So, Mike and I hatched the plan that my first book signing would be on the night of the gala premier of The Elland Affair; 5 July 2000.

This would have been a grand plan, had advance copies the book arrived when expected; a couple of weeks before the big night. But of course…

…anyway, the publishers pulled out all the stops, had a box or two of the first batch of books diverted to me for Halifax purposes and I went off on a mini road trip, most of the details of which are lost in the physical diary scrawl and only limited use of e-mail back then.

I know I went via my alma mater, because this e-mail from Professor Lawrence survives:

Dear Tanya,

Thanks for diverting Ian to Keele – it was good to see him and hear about the book. He left me with copies for colleagues and this email is partly to let you know how to chase me up- this is better than the phone!

Take care,

Peter

Janie must have joined me by train to Halifax, as my diary scribble shows that I booked bed and breakfast for two at the Imperial Crown, Halifax, £95. (The price has barely changed in 18 years, I note, while writing in September 2018). We went on to The White Swan, Pickering afterwards – our first visit there – the following year we made our second visit there ahead of visiting Mike’s next production of his own work.  

Anyway, I am pretty sure I met Janie at the hotel where I changed into my evening suit (Gala Evenings at The Actors’ Workshop were black tie affairs) and Janie changed into her glad rags.

Then off we set to get to the theatre early, for my first ever book signing and the show.

Mike Ward had kindly arranged a small stack of my books on a prominent table for me. I sat at the chair and a small queue of eager locals (is there no word for people from Halifax? Hartlepool folk are known as Monkey Hangers, for example), formed to procure and have their en primeur book signed.

I reached into my jacket pocket and discovered…a vacancy. I had no pen in my pocket.

I had turned up to my first ever book signing, without a pen.

Strangely, just to add to my embarrassment, finding a suitable pen for book signing at a place like the Actors’ Workshop was a non-trivial matter. Plenty of marker pens and thick felt tip pens to be found, but it took a while for someone to find a regular type of pen that would look right for book signing.

Still, once that initial (albeit existential problem in the matter of book signing) had been resolved, the rest of the evening passed very successfully. Not only the signing, but the play was well received and I seem to recall a most excellent meal at Mike and Lottie’s place late in the evening, once all of the theatrical excitement was over.

Programme Notes For The Elland Affair by Mike Ward, I Wrote The Notes 9 May 2000

THE ELLAND AFFAIR by MIKE WARD

PROGRAMME NOTES

 

The Elland Feud

The play “The Elland Affair” (pronounced ‘ee-land’) is based on The Elland Feud of the early 14th Century.  Many details of the story are lost in the mists of time, and the few remaining reports of the events vary.  Nevertheless, accounts of the main facts of this sorry affair are consistent.  Sir John Elland, the High Sheriff of York, had a grudge against Sir Robert Beaumont of Crosland Hall, near Huddersfield as a result of an earlier feud between their respective allies.  One outcome of the earlier feud was the death of Sir John Elland’s nephew at the hand of Exley, a kinsman of Sir Robert Beaumont.

Sir John Elland’s appalling murder of Sir Robert Beaumont and several of his neighbours, friends and relations defies description by a gentle author of programme notes.  We’ll leave it to the playwright (through the mouths of his characters) to describe the butchery.  Suffice it to say that Elland’s murderous attack is an historical fact.  Those murders probably took place in 1317 or shortly thereafter.  “The Elland Affair”, mercifully, is not the story of Sir John Elland’s rampage, rather it is the story of its consequences.

Lady Beaumont (Sir Robert’s widow) fled to Lancashire with her young sons together with several sons of Elland’s other victims and enemies.  These boys trained themselves in the arts of fighting and swore to avenge the blood of their fathers once they reached manhood.   “The Elland Affair”, set in 1327, covers these young men’s last few days in Lancashire and their return to West Yorkshire in search of vengeance.

 

Government

England was still a feudal society in the early 14th century; the monarch held absolute power.  Regionally, the nobility and gentry could do pretty much as they pleased, subject to Royal Command.  Edward II was on the throne at the start of the Elland Feud and met his uncomfortable demise in 1327, the year in which “The Elland Affair” takes place.  There are several references to the new King in the play, so clearly Edward III had just succeeded the throne.  Edward II was a weak King who probably exercised little control over his barons, hence failing to prevent ugly incidents like the Elland Feud.  By contrast, Edward III was to achieve a long (50 years), profligate (England was nearly bankrupt) but relatively stable reign.  By the time Edward III died, in 1377, the Plantagenet line had thinned somewhat (he was succeeded by his grandson, Richard II), rival houses of Lancaster and York felt they had valid claims to the succession and the Wars of the Roses resulted.

The theatrical world has made earlier in-roads into this patchy period of English history.  Christopher Marlowe wrote a play about Edward II and his unseemly end.  William Shakespeare wrote a Richard II and plays about the subsequent “Wars of the Roses” monarchs.  Poor old Edward III, despite (or possibly because of) his 50 stable years of power, has tended to be confined to bit parts or passing mentions in plays about others.  “The Elland Affair” perpetuates this great tradition of English drama.  The characters of “The Elland Affair” weren’t to know, of course, that relative political stability had just arrived.  They were to some extent the victims of Edward II’s political weakness and lived in hope of better government under the new King.

 

Famine

Prior to the early 14th century, local food shortages and resulting starvation were relatively common, sporadic occurrences in Europe.  At any one location, however, famine was rare.  On the whole, food production had increased in line with the population growth.  Standards of living increased steadily in the five hundred years leading up to 1300.  As a result, there was a “baby boom” in the early part of the 14th Century.  Tragically, climatic changes caused several successive disastrous harvests: 1315, 1316 and 1317.  The crop failures, together with the larger population to feed, resulted in the Great Famine of early 14th Century Europe.  The famine was far worse in mainland Europe than in Great Britain, but there still were widespread food shortages and starvation in Britain during the famine.  All classes suffered, although the working classes took the brunt of the misfortune.  The Elland Feud itself might, in part, be explained by the shortages and the Barons’ attempts to maintain their standards of living in difficult times.

Under the prevailing economic circumstances, the Abbot’s generosity towards the Beaumont family and the other young men was immense.   When the Abbot asks Adam and his entourage to leave for good, he might have made the request in part for fear of reprisal, but he probably mainly sought relief from the burden of feeding so many additional mouths.

When one of the young fighters tosses some bread to one of the servants, this is a significant act of generosity, which is accepted greedily.  When Betsy resists the young men’s requests on the grounds that she might lose her job, she is not being a “jobsworth” in the modern sense; she literally fears for her very livelihood.  A servant losing their job in such difficult times might have struggled to survive the loss.  When Ozzie says “half the world is starving”, he shows laudable concern for the world around him.  In fact, by 1327, Europe’s food supply had more or less recovered, but it had taken some ten years to do so and the characters of the play would not have known the extent of the recovery beyond their locality.  The famine changed society and attitudes in the long term.

 

Dirt and Plague

One consequence of poverty caused by the famine was a diminution in hygiene.  Although we tend to think of the Middle Ages as an unwashed era, in fact personal hygiene was relatively advanced at the start of the 14th Century.  Public bath houses were common in England until the time of the Great Famine.  Cleanliness was one of the first things to go in the poverty which followed the famine.  “The Elland Affair” characters probably all needed a good bath and little understood the benefits of personal hygiene.

The unwashed era unhappily coincided with, and almost certainly exacerbated, the Black Death, the plague which swept Western Europe (including England) some 30 years after the Elland affair.  In fact, 1327, the year in which “The Elland Affair” is set, was the year in which the Black Death was first reported, thousands of miles from Elland, somewhere in the Gobi Desert region.   No-one in “The Elland Affair” says “a plague on both your houses”, which is probably just as well.  The line would not only be horribly derivative (see “Romeo & Juliet”) but also painfully ironic.  Very few of the young characters in the play would have made it past the age of fifty, even in the absence of the Elland Feud and the late Crusades.

 

Festering Vengeance

The Elland Feud preceded the Wars of the Roses by some 100 years, but many of the characteristics of that war were already in place; territorial rivalry across the Pennines, long standing feuds and festering vengeance.  Before we tut-tut too loudly about these primitive medieval people, let us not forget that similar bloody situations still subsist.   The six counties of Northern Island and the various Balkan crises are relatively recent, local examples.  In Central Asia and Africa there are many more examples; Afghanistan and Rwanda are well-known examples, Nagorno-Karabach and Eritrea are two of the many less well-known but long-running examples.

The long-festering “need” for revenge so evident in the Elland Feud and these more global examples is baffling to many of us.  Seeking vengeance is relatively common, so seems to form part of “the human condition”, yet many humans seem equally capable of contrary characteristics; forgiveness, “letting bygones be bygones” and not bearing grudges.  Many of us, if we are honest with ourselves, are easily confused by the moral dilemmas we face if we are irrevocably wronged.  Should we try to “put matters right” (seek vengeance) or uphold our principles by abstaining from behaviour we believe to be wrong.  Our response of course depends on many factors; the circumstances, our individual morality and our psychology being just three of the factors.

In the play, “The Elland Affair”, the complexity and diversity of human responses to being wronged is especially evident in the characters of the Beaumont brothers.  Edgar, the elder brother, has gone into the church and has opted to “turn the other cheek”.  Adam, the younger brother, has his heart set on unmitigated vengeance against Sir John Elland.  The church might be seen as a dampening influence on the human desire for revenge, but this seems overly simplistic.  In the era of the play, the crusades were, to a large part, vengeance wars, fought in the name of and with the blessing of organised religion.  The Knights Templar, who coincidentally had been routed shortly before the events of “The Elland affair”, were in effect monk-knights.  Also consider modern examples; one only has to think of the Reverend Ian Paisley and his supporters to realise that the church can still be equivocal on this issue.  In the play, Edgar’s cheek turning is equivocal.  On several occasions, Edgar acts to assist his brother’s campaign, despite Edgar’s persistent use of the language of reconciliation.  The Abbot, although comparatively disinterested, also behaves equivocally on this matter.  Their responses are all-too human.

 

Weaponry

One of the best historical accounts of  “The Elland Feud” is contained in the early 19th Century book, The Book of Archery, in the section entitled “Juvenile Bowmen”.  The years the young heroes the play spent learning to fight are cited in that account:

“they laboured to acquire dexterity in such martial exercises as were calculated to render them dextrous in the anticipated game of death; namely riding, tilting, the sword, and shooting in the long bow, then England’s most famous and redoubtable artillery”.

The young men’s obsession with their improved arrows and the quantity of arrows they would have to hand is quite understandable in the context.  Firstly, these factors were likely to be matters of life and death in the venture they were pursuing.  Secondly, their mastery of their weaponry would have been their main preoccupation for the years leading up to the revenge.

 

Living for Today

The young men in “The Elland Affair” live life for today.  Their irresponsible attitude towards women and the consequences of their sexual activity is extreme by modern standards in our society, even for young Yorkshiremen hanging around in Lancashire.  These were young men from “good families” who had been raised in a religious community.  Their behaviour at times seems very immature and reckless to us.  Consider, however, the circumstances of these particular young men.  They lived in uncertain times and would not have anticipated living long lives in the way we half expect to do so today.  If the feud didn’t get you, the famine might.  If not the famine, perhaps disease.  If not disease, perhaps the Crusading.

The protagonists in “The Elland Affair” had little to lose.  Younger brothers did not expect to inherit.  Any inheritances that might have been in the offing in these particular families had probably been seriously dented as a result of the feud and the untimely deaths of the fathers. Even within modern society today, we can observe this “living for today” attitude more often amongst those who have little to lose.  We observe it in Britain; consider high levels of drug use and extreme promiscuity in economically deprived, urban areas.  Consider also the even more extreme behaviours in Sub-Saharan Africa where apparent sexual recklessness causes severe economic, social and medical problems, not least through AIDS and high birth rates.

In “The Elland Affair”, despite their upbringing in the religious community, the young men are secular in attitude.  Medieval society had a strangely extreme divide between celibate sacred society and bawdy secular society.   “The Elland Affair” protagonists had clearly plugged for bawdy secular and were making the most of it while they could.

 

Friendship & Loyalty

The friendships between the main co-conspirators of “The Elland Affair” (Adam, Harry, Robert and Huck) are intense.  Indeed, their unity transcends what most of us achieve and seek in friendship.  After all, these young men share a common trauma, upbringing and purpose beyond most of our experience.

The other friends and supporters of the co-conspirators are not so intensely linked with each other or with the main protagonists, although they are what most of us would consider friends.  They are also loyal, apart from the one traitorous exception in the plot.

When it becomes apparent that one of the party is a traitor, there is little suspicion amongst the main co-conspirators, as their bond is so tight.  However, they are unable to identify the traitor, as they believe the whole party to be good and/or old friends.

The characters in this play raise many fundamental questions about friendship and loyalty; here is a small sample: What is the difference between friendship and kinship?  Can bonding transcend “mere” friendship, and what is that experience beyond friendship?  Does friendship presuppose loyalty?  How does one earn  friendship and loyalty?  Can friendship and loyalty be bought, or does the existence of price indicate that the friendship or loyalty were never there?

Adam Beaumont is a charismatic character.  Although a (self-confessed) flawed leader, he inspires friendship and loyalty.  Indeed, Adam’s followers at times seem like disciples in a biblical sense.  Of course, neither the audience nor the characters learn the answers to all the questions about friendship and loyalty raised by the play.  But most of us (who survive the experience) end up a little wiser and a lot more thoughtful.

 

 

Passion

“The Elland Affair” is in many ways a Passion play.  The young men are passionate in their amours, albeit in a somewhat immature and offhand way.  More importantly, they believe passionately in their cause and are willing to follow their cause to the death, if need be.  There are also many parallels with Christ’s Passion.  The plot and ending vary in several material ways from Christ’s Passion.  Nevertheless the play contains similar inevitabilities; the return to confront one’s fate, the blind faith of followers, the anticipated betrayal for money, ideals which transcend logic. Whether you agree with the young men’s actions or not, their passion is admirable.  Despite the fact that the main characters followed a secular rather than a sacred path in life, several Elland Feud survivors are reputed to have “kept their fighting arms in” by going crusading after the feud.  Some people never learn.  Or perhaps they felt the need to perpetuate the intensity and passion of their friendships in adversity.

New Year Revels 1997, Actor’s Workshop, Halifax, 2 January 1997

This was my first visit to The Actor’s Workshop in Halifax.

It was an unusual start to the new year, that year, in several ways. Janie’s and my diaries both suggest that we had planned to attend a party at Anthea’s for New Year’s Eve, but we are pretty sure that party didn’t happen in the end.

After new year’s day, Janie had a diary full of work for the rest of the week, while I got in the motor to do a round trip taking in Halifax for the New Year revels show and then, the next day, a visit to a soft drinks factory in Nelson, Lancashire, across the Pennines.

Naturally I chose a freezing cold, snow and ice early January for that trip.

The journey to Halifax I recall being problem free (motorway more or less all the way) and of course I received warm hospitality from Mike and Lottie Ward when I got there.

I had met Mike in London two or three years earlier and had submitted material to the New Year Revels show for a couple of previous years, but this was my first (of several) visits to The Actor’s Workshop.

I was clearly impressed by the show. My log reads:

Much better than I expected. Did justice to most material and more than did justice to mine.

There were lots of in-jokes in the show and programme about The Ridings School, Halifax, which, in 1996, had:

…received nationwide attention when staff said 60 of its pupils were “unteachable” and school operations were temporarily suspended while the headmaster and other leading staff were replaced.

I don’t think the entire cast and crew were really alums of The Ridings School…but perhaps they were.

I stayed at The Imperial Crown Hotel in Halifax on that occasion. I think we ate a fine meal pre show at the Ward’s House. That must have been the first occasion I met Lottie and I have a funny feeling that Adam (whom I met at NewsRevue and through whom I had met Mike) was there on that occasion – perhaps also Olivia.

Janie (who was not with me, remember) wrote more details and contact numbers into her diary for that trip than I did into mine – including the local Halifax police and the AA – I suspect she scribbled down the latter two after seeing the weather forecast!

The drive across the Pennines from Halifax to Nelson early the next morning (3rd January) was truly nerve-wracking but I got there and did whatever I had scheduled to do at that factory for most of the day before setting off in the still treacherous driving conditions back to London.

In those days I was still driving “Red Noddy” the Honda Civic, which, although air conditioned, was still a late 1980s vehicle not ideally suited to freezing conditions. I struggled to stay warm throughout the journey and started to itch terribly before arriving at Janie’s place…

…covered in Hives.

I itched through Robert Lepage’s Elsinore the next (Saturday) evening, but that, as we say, is another story.