Tag: John Major

I don’t think this lyric was used. I had loads in the show at that time, not least plenty of John Major material. Frankly, I think the others that were used were probably better. But a few decent ideas in this one.

The disaster song genre seemed appropriate at that time…

…retro-writing in the spring of 2019, that disaster genre would be good for our current times too.

                                              _ JOHNNY LEADS HOPELESSLY _

                                   (To the Tune of “Johnny Remember Me”)
 
VERSE 1 – JOHN MAJOR
 
{Ah, ah, ah-oh}
When the press is prying and the smears are flowing,
And the daily papers are full of innuendo; {oh-oh}
I’m castigated by Norman,
The Chancellor that I sacked a year ago. {oh-oh}
 
CHORUS 1 – NORMAN LAMONT
 
Johnny leads hopelessly.
 
VERSE 2 – JOHN MAJOR
 
Well it’s hard to believe, I know,
But he’s still so tactless when he talks to the press;
‘Specially if they feed him, {oh-oh}
And get him legless. {oh-oh}
 
CHORUS 2 – NORMAN LAMONT
 
(Now sounding quite drunk) (hic) – Johnny leads hopelessly.
(Then coming to a little) But, now I can remember,
Ginny Dougary, made a buggery -(hic);
Ginny, misquoted me.
{GINNY:oh-no, oh-no, that’s what he said to me}
 
VERSE 3 – JOHN MAJOR
 
Well I’m glad, I guess, I found myself, another Chancellor,
To take the place of that juice head;
But as long as I live I know, Norman will be loitering around in the House,
Feeling like a leper, and buying booze at Threshers;
 
CHORUS 3
 
NORMAN (soaked):(hic) Johnny remembers me,
JOHNNY:Yes, I’ll always remember;
Your skulduggery,
NORMAN (soused):(hic) Oh bugger me,
Johnny dismembered me (hic).
(Norman passes out and is dragged off by chorus {Johnny, dismembered him})

Below is John Leyton singing Johnny Remember Me:

Click here to read the lyric of Johnny Remember Me.

This one did well in NewsRevue at that time – another lyric that fed off the rather ill-timed Tory “back to basics” campaign.

There’s nothing like a Sound Of Music tune to help make a satirical lyric work in the show.

                                                 _ DENY EV’RY MOUNTING _

                                   (To the Tune of “Climb Ev’ry Mountain”)
 
VERSE 1
 
Deny ev’ry mounting,
Avoid ev’ry scene;
Watch out behind you,
You know what I mean.
 
VERSE 2
 
Defy ev’ry outing,
Claim that you’re straight;
Smear and innuendo,
Refute in middle eight.
 
MIDDLE EIGHT – JOHN MAJOR (POSSIBLY VOICE OVER)
 
These smears that you read,
Ev’ry day in the press;
Are like cervical smears,
They are quite meaningless.
 
VERSE 3 – FINALE
 
Chide Ev’ry Statesman,
Make Tories cower;
Weak and hopeless leaders,
Will soon fall from power.

Below is a video with Peggy Wood singing Climb Every Mountain with the lyrics on the screen:

I don’t remember this one being used in NewsRevue, but neither do I recall it being rejected.

There were lots of songs and sketches about the Prime Minister at that time though and I’m not convinced this was among the best of them. One or two good lines, though.

WHO DO YOU TALK TO JOHN MAJOR


(A Quickie To the Tune of “Where Do You Go To My Lovely”)
 
VERSE 1
 
You talk like one of the Daleks,
And you dance like Coco the Clown;
Your clothes are from Marks and Spencer,
And you’ll soon bring this Government down;
(Yes you will).
 
VERSE 2
 
You live in a Georgian Terrace,
Down in Whitehall’s Downing Street;
And although you’ve been leader for ages,
You still haven’t quite found your feet;
(Or your brains or your balls).
 
CHORUS
 
Who do you talk to John Major,
When your recorder is off?
Swear when reporters surround you,
And then why don’t you just piss off.

Below is a video of Peter Sarstedt singing Where Do You Go To My Lovely with the lyrics on the screen:

I must have had glam rock on the brain that summer, as my previous “piece”, a week or so earlier, was also glam:

Anyway, here is the Tory Gang lyric, which I don’t think was used, but it might have been – I’m realising from my submission sheets that quite a lot of lyrics that I don’t recall seeing used actually were used.

Postscript: yes, this one was used as evidenced by the next submission sheet.

I’M THE LEADER OF THE TORY GANG

(To the Tune of “I’m the Leader of the Gang I Am”)
 
INTRO (The Chorus come on to the stage – John Major Doesn’t)
 
VOICEOVER: And now the Prime Minister, John Major, will come on to explain his new decisive policy towards ministerial appointments and dismissals.
 
CHORUS:Come on come on, come on come on, come on come on come on;
MAJOR:No way.
CHORUS:Come on come on, come on come on, come on come on come on;
MAJOR:(Enters) Oh all right;
 
MAIN BIT (The voice is Major, the visual is “Glitterati”)
 
MAJOR:I’m gonna stand beside you, guide you chide you;
I’m gonna stand beside you;
CHORUS:Oh no!
MAJOR:Although I tried to guard you, far too hard to;
And so I shall discard you…. (oh yes)
I’m the leader, and the weeder,
I’m the leader of the Tory gang;
I’m the leader and the media,
Says my conscience never feels a pang.
 
MIDDLE BIT
 
MAJOR:I can hire you, show me your flair, no one calls me square;
I can fire you, I have no soul, soon your head may roll.
I shuffled out Norman,
CHORUS:Lamont Lamont;
MAJOR:And may throw out more men,
CHORUS:You won’t you won’t;
MAJOR:So now I’m not boring
CHORUS:You are you are.
 
CLIMAX (the Chorus moves in on Major)
 
MAJOR: Ja wanna be a Tory gory story,
Or are you after glory?
CHORUS:Oh yes.
MAJOR:Why are you getting nearer, steer-a, clearer,
You’re making me feel queerer;
CHORUS:Oh yes.
MAJOR:Why don’t you three go draft a, dafter, charter?
Just tell me what you’re after,
CHORUS:RESIGN!!
 

Trigger warning: The song “I’m The Leader Of The Gang (I Am!)” was a big hit for Gary Glitter, later thoroughly disgraced as a child abuser. But in 1973 he was top of the pops. You don’t have to click the video if you don’t want to; I cannot really watch this material any more:

You can read the lyrics of “I’m The Leader Of the Gang (I Am!) by clicking here.