Tag: NewsRevue

Serbi Serbi Chief Chief, NewsRevue Lyric And Ben Murphy Recording, 1 January 1994

My burst of creative energy over that seasonal break continued into the early days of 1994.

This lyric, about the Serbian wars, is the only item from my paltry song thought jottings in China, Hong Kong and Bali to make it to an actual lyric.

Quite a good one, though, which i think did well in NewsRevue and for sure did well for Ben Murphy who recorded it.

_ SERBI SERBI CHIEF CHIEF _
(To the Tune of “Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep”)
 
VERSE 1
 
Where’ve the Balkans gone?{Where’ve the Balkans gone?}
Mr Slobidan{Mr Slobidan},  Yugoslavians  {Yugoslavians}
Fighting away, fighting away.
 
CHORUS 1
 
Last year I heard a Croat singing a song,
Ooooo eeeee, Serbi Serbi Chief Chief;
Woke up this morning, warfare’s still going on,
Ooooo eeeee, Serbi Serbi Chief Chief, Serbi Serbi Chief, Chief Serb.
 
VERSE 2
 
Where are Bosnians?{Where are Bosnians?}
Mr Radovan  {Mr Radovan}  Brutal Serbian  {Brutal Serbian}
Blasts them away, blasts them away.
 
CHORUS 2
 
Last year I heard a Muslim singing a song,
Ooooo eeeee, Serbi Serbi cheat cheat;
Woke up this morning, most of Bosnia’s gone,
Ooooo eeeee, Serbi Serbi cheat cheat, Serbi Serbi cheat, cheap Serb.
 
VERSE 3
 
Still the war goes on{Still the war goes on}
Greater Serbian  {Greater Serbian}  Strike Albanians  {Strike Albanians}
Far far away, Kosovo way.
 
CHORUS 3
 
Last year the Kosovans were singing a song,
Ooooo please, Serbi Serbi peace peace;
Woke up this morning and the harmony’s gone,
Ooooo please, Serbians make peace please Serbians make peace please Serbs.

Below is Ben Murphy’s recording of Serbi Serbi Chief Chief.

Below is a video of Middle Of The Road singing Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep, with the lyrics, such as they are, on the screen.

https://youtu.be/qljlDmYHd68

In the summer of 1995 I wrote an update of Serbi Serbi Chief Chief which I think revived the lyric in NewsRevue for several weeks:

SERBI SERBI CHIEF CHIEF – SUMMER 1995 REMIX
(To the Tune of “Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep”)

VERSE 1

Where’ve the Balkans gone? {Where’ve the Balkans gone?}
Mr Slobidan {Mr Slobidan}, Yugoslavians {Yugoslavians}
Fighting away, fighting away.

CHORUS 1

Last year I heard a Croat singing a song,
Ooooo eeeee, Serbi Serbi Chief Chief;
Woke up this morning, warfare’s still going on,
Ooooo eeeee, Serbi Serbi Chief Chief, Serbi Serbi Chief, Chief Serb.

VERSE 2

Where are Bosnians? {Where are Bosnians?}
Mr Radovan {Mr Radovan} Brutal Serbian {Brutal Serbian}
Blasts them away, blasts them away.

CHORUS 2

Last year I heard a Muslim singing a song,
Ooooo eeeee, Serbi Serbi cheat cheat;
Woke up this morning, most of Bosnia’s gone,
Ooooo eeeee, Serbi Serbi cheat cheat, Serbi Serbi cheat, cheap Serb.

VERSE 3

Where is UNPROFOR? {Where is UNPROFOR?}
In this brutal war {In this brutal war} Saving weak and poor? {Save the weak & poor?}
No bloody way, no bloody way.

CHORUS 3

Last year the Bosnians were singing a song,
Ooooo please, Serbi Serbi peace peace;
Woke up this morning and the harmony’s gone,
Ooooo please, Serbians make peace please Serbians make peace please Serbs.

Russian Shock, NewsRevue Lyric, 31 December 1993

This lyric did well in NewsRevue early in 1994 if I remember correctly.

Writing more than 25 years later, in 2019, this ultra-Nationalistic Vladimir Zhirinovsky character is still hanging around in Russian politics, it seems…

…April 2022 Update: The old git has snuffed it.

Headline Photo by A. Sdobnikov, CC BY 3.0

The reference to Liberal Democrats in the Isle of Dogs was related to a local election saga in the autumn of 1993 – click here.

_ RUSSIAN SHOCK _

(To the Tune of “Casatchok”)
 
The song should be performed more in the style of Oi (Skinhead Ska) than Oy (Jewish wedding).
 
INTRO
 
Russian Shock,
Fascist yobs,
Isle of Dogs,
One two three:
 
VERSE 1
 
Vladimir Wolfovich Zhirinovsky,
Makes it clear,
That he hates Jews and wogs,
But still his fascist mob say they’re Liberal Democratic,
Like fanatics,
In the Isle of Dogs;
And as the Russian voters are not used to choosing,
They’ll be losing,
With these violent yobs.
 
CHORUS 1
 
Vladimir will try to annex Poland,
Vladimir will annex the Ukraine,
Vladimir will have a go at Finland,
Then he’ll try and annex Poland once again,
Oi!!

In May 1996 I wrote an update of the above lyric:

RUSSIAN SHOCK – 1996 REMIX
(To the Tune of “Casatchok”)
The song should possibly be performed more in the style of Oi (Skinhead Ska) than Oy (Jewish wedding).
INTRO
Russian Shock,
Fascist yobs,
Isle of Dogs,
One two three:
VERSE 1
Vladimir Wolfovich Zhirinovsky,
Makes it clear,
That he hates Jews and wogs,
But still his fascist mob say they’re Liberal Democratic,
Like fanatics,
In the Isle of Dogs;
And as the Russian voters are not used to choosing,
They’ll be losing,
With these violent yobs.
CHORUS 1
Vladimir will try to annex Poland,
Vladimir will annex the Ukraine,
Vladimir will have a go at Finland,
Then he’ll try and annex Poland once again;
We could vote Gennady Zyuganov,
Old style Commie, probably insane,
We could vote Yavlinsky from Yabloko,
Maybe stick with Boris Yeltsin once again,
Oi!!

Below is Dimitri Dourakine’s recording of Casatschok with a suitable miltary dancing video. No lyrics, as there aren’t any, really. Just the occasional “oy”. Or do I mean “oi”?

A Letter To Bill Dare At Spitting Image Re Brian Hilling’s Correspondence, 28 December 1993

Following up on the unexpected contact I’d had from Brian Hilling of Spitting Image…

A Letter To Brian Hilling At Spitting Image Re NewsRevue Lyric, “Domestic Fuel”, 28 December 1993

…I also wrote to Bill Dare:


Bill Dare 28 December 1993
Spitting Image
17-19 Plumber’s Row
London
E1 1EQ
 
 
Dear Bill
 
SONGS
 
I am writing on the advice of puppeteer Brian Hilling, who saw the enclosed song “Domestic Fuel” in News Revue and took a shine to it.
 
I have written a great deal for News Revue since your Giles Pilbrow kindly put me in touch with them many moons ago.  Spitting Image gave me a great deal of encouragement in my early days of writing, and I feel that I have been somewhat remiss in losing touch with you.
 
I have now built up a large portfolio of material and would like to meet with you to explore possibilities of using or adapting my material to suit your needs.
 
Yours sincerely
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ian Harris
 
enc
 
cc:Brian Hilling

Nothing came of it, meeting-wise. I’m not sure I even got a reply, but I do have a file of incoming correspondence, including some from Spitting Image, which absolutely needs to be trawled and scanned at some point.

A Letter To Brian Hilling At Spitting Image Re NewsRevue Lyric, “Domestic Fuel”, 28 December 1993

I don’t recall receiving a call from Brian Hilling of Spitting Image regarding Domestic Fuel…

Domestic Fuel, NewsRevue Lyric, 12 May 1993

…but it must have happened, otherwise I wouldn’t have written the following letter:

Brian Hilling                                                                        28 December 1993
Spitting Image
17-19 Plumber’s Row
London
E1 1EQ
 
Dear Brian
 
DOMESTIC FUEL

 
Thank you so much for taking an interest in “Domestic Fuel” and for your call.  I enclose a copy of the letter I have written to Bill plus a copy of the song for good measure.
 
Please do not hesitate to heap praise on my work and leave me messages of encouragement whenever you wish.
 
Yours sincerely
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ian Harris
 
encs

Medley From Hell, Meatloaf-Style NewsRevue Lyric, 24 December 1993

[christopher simon [CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)]

I suppose I was hellish busy on return from our four-week trip to China, Hong Kong & Bali, so I didn’t write any humour for more than 10 days after my return.

But over that Christmas break I had a rich flowering of creative energy for NewsRevue, the first of which was this medley lyric, written on Christmas Eve.

The central conceit of it as topical humour was a news item I read that said that Meatloaf was drinking his own urine on his doctor’s advice to help his voice. Yet that specific aspect plays only a small part of the medley.

This lyric ran long in the show and in more than one format. My abiding memory has the great Paul Cawley singing the lead, but several performers capable of delivering belters did it justice.

_ MEDLEY FROM HELL _
(A Meatloaf Mini Opera)
 
There is nothing a director could do to desecrate this piece.  Motorcycles, blood and Gothic monstrosities would all be welcomed by the author.
 
NEIGHBOURS FROM HELL 1
(To the Tune of “Bat Out Of Hell”)
 
(Chorus or single voice other than Meatloaf sings)
He was born down in Texas many decades ago and his parents called him Marvin Aday,
But he said he would sooner change his name to Meatloaf because he eats a hundred burgers a day; He was offered Eddie’s role in the Rocky Horror Show and he took it for three hundred quid,
He was the Hot Patootie in the Rocky Horror movie,
(Enter Meatloaf outrageously, singing..)
But when the song said Eddie, never loved his teddy, they knew I was a no good kid;
 
(Now Meatloaf sings and Chorus hums refrain {sic})
But my records weren’t selling and my belly was swelling so Jim Steinman said that I should cut loose,
So I peddled my soul to that devil Rock’n’roll now my songs all sound like copies of Bruce;
And it isn’t much fun imitating Born To Run as I cannot warble nearly as well,
But I shouldn’t complain, should be laughing like a drain,
Cos I’ve made a pile like a fat cat out of hell.
 
(Chorus sings gleefully)
And all your neighbours from hell play Meatloaf till the morning comes,
Eighty five decibels and the neighbours bang the floor like drums drums drums,
And if you call the old Bill they don’t show up till the morning comes,
So you crawl off to work and you feel like a burk when you fall asleep at noon;
(Meatloaf sings mournfully)
But as I’ve sung so loud since the early seventies, I’m losing my voice too soon.
 
I PUT MY URINE INTO MY MOUTH
(To The Tune of “You Took The Words Right Out of My Mouth”
 
And so I put my urine into my mouth,
Think my doctor must have took the piss;
I put my urine into my mouth,
Cos the doctor swore that it just about might save my volume,
CHORUS:volume,
And so I put my urine into my mouth,
CHORUS:think his doctor must have took the piss,
I put my urine into my mouth……..
 
I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR CASH
(To the Tune of “I Would Do Anything For Love”)
 
……Cos I would do anything for slush,
Yes I would do anything for dosh,
Yes I would do anything for cash,
But I won’t lose fat,
No I won’t lose fat.
 
FATTER THAN HELL II
(To another bit of the tune “Bat Out Of Hell”)
 
So now I’m fatter than hell,
And now my stomach has swelled,
And my bladder as well.
 
Yes now I’m fatter than hell(CHORUS:  like a fat cat from hell his record sales are unrelented),
Yes I’m as fat as a bell(CHORUS:  like Mr Blobby as well these fatsos are not talented).
And yet my records still sellllllllllllllllllllll!

Below is Bat Out Of Hell by Meatloaf with the lyrics on the screen, but do bear in mind that the lyrics don’t even start until 1’55”

Below is You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth by Meatloaf with the lyrics on the screen, but do bear in mind that the relevant “took the words right out of my mouth” ones don’t come up until 2’05”

Below is the official video for I Would Do Anything For Love by Meatloaf, which gives the motorcycles and Gothic feel, which is probably more useful than the lyrics for this one:

In early 1994, I rewrote a scaled down solo version of this piece, with just the “Fatter Than Hell” refrain. Probably on request. I think both versions were used at one time or another:

_ FATTER THAN HELL _

(A Meatloaf Monstorosity To The Tune of “Bat Out Of Hell)
 
VERSE 1
 
I was born down in Texas many decades ago and my parents called me Marvin Aday,
But I said I would sooner change my name to Meatloaf because I eat a hundred burgers a day;
I was offered Eddie’s role in the Rocky Horror Show and I took it for three hundred quid,
I was the Hot Patootie in the Rocky Horror movie,
But when the song said Eddie, never loved his teddy, they knew I was a no good kid;
 
VERSE 2
 
But my records weren’t selling and my belly was swelling so Jim Steinman said that I should cut loose,
So I peddled my soul to that devil Rock’n’roll now my songs all sound like copies of Bruce;
And it isn’t much fun imitating Born To Run as I cannot warble nearly as well,
But I shouldn’t complain, should be laughing like a drain,
Cos I’ve made a pile like a fat cat out of hell.
 
CHORUS
 
And all your neighbours from hell play Meatloaf till the morning comes,
Eighty five decibels and the neighbours bang the floor like drums drums drums,
And if you call the old Bill they don’t show up till the morning comes,
So you crawl off to work and you feel like a burk when you fall asleep at noon;
But I’ve been eating so much since the early seventies, inflating like a balloon……
 
FINALE
 
So now I’m fatter than hell,
And now my stomach has swelled,
And my bladder as well.
 
Yes now I’m fatter than hell(CHORUS:  like a fat cat from hell his record sales are unrelented),
Yes I’m as fat as a bell(CHORUS:  like Mr Blobby as well these fatsos are not talented).
And yet my records still sellllllllllllllllllllll!

China, Hong Kong & Bali Trip – Song Thoughts, 9 December 1993

If I thought that a long holiday would bring a rush of creativity to my comedy lyric writing career at NewsRevue, clearly I was mistaken. Best part of four weeks and this is all he wrote, folks:

Publishing All About Quo, NewsRevue Lyric, 14 November 1993

Perhaps the most noteworthy thing about this lyric is the date in my log for the writing of it; 14 November 1993.

That was the day Janie and I set off for our four week journey to China, Hong Kong and Bali. I must have rattled off this lyric and dropped it at the Canal Cafe on my way out to Janie’s place ahead of going to the airport.

It’s a self-explanatory lyric, I think, about the perennial rock band Status Quo.

There are some good lines – if nothing else, I think my mention of Shakespeare and iambic pentameter in the context of Quo deserves a medal for chutzpah.

_ PUBLISHING ALL ABOUT QUO _


 (To the Tune of “Rocking All Over the World”)
 
VERSE 1
 
Oh here they are, yes here they are,
Oh take a look;
Status Quo have gone and written a book,
On the hook,
Publishing all about Quo.
 
Oh here they are yes here they are,
The tearaways;
Write three words and then copy the phrase,
Seven ways,
Just like the records from Quo.
 
CHORUS 1
 
And the writing, the writing, the writing, the writing,
Is not too exciting,
Really not worth fighting for,
Publishing all about Quo.
 
VERSE 2
 
We dread to think the money that the Quo makes here,
Write a sentence and they think that their gear,
Is Shakespeare,
Literally all about Quo.
 
CHORUS 2
 
It’s iambic, iambic, iambic, iambic,
Iambic pentameter,
But critics slam it a-go-go,
Knocking all of Status Quo
(Chords indicate that the song is over)
It’s not over, not over, not over, not over,
The song wasn’t over,
Although they’re over the hill,
Rocking all over the hill.
(Chords indicate that the song is over again – this could continue ad nauseam)

Below is Status Quo singing Rockin All Over The World with the lyrics on the screen:

1993 Autumn Budget Mini-Opera Based On Various Tunes From Oliver!, NewsRevue Lyrics, 8 November 1993

On the whole I remember the better of my lyrics well and have forgotten some of the less interesting ones. But just occasionally I surprise myself and this mini-opera falls into that category.

The conceit of these lyrics was to speculate a few weeks before the Autumn Budget as to its possible content.

Not only am I immensely proud of these lyrics on rereading them in April 2019, but I recall what a stunning job John Random and his NewsRevue cast did with this piece.

Ken Clarke, then Chancellor and the central villain of the mini-opera, is, 25 years later, seen as a voice of Tory moderation. Times change, to some extent. Yet the closing number seems as apt today as it did in 1993.

_ 1993 AUTUMN BUDGET RUN UP MINI OPERA _

(To various tunes from “Oliver”)
 
FOOD TAXABLE FOOD (tax inspector’s chorus to “Food Glorious Food”)
 
If we tax the sick and poor, will they live to 84?
Lets put V.A.T. on fu-el;
When they can’t pay off their loans, put them into paupers homes,
Then we’ll also tax their gru-el;
Duty on crusts, every crumb shall be fined, till they beg or they borrow or cadge;
Then charge more for prescriptions, when they get the flu, then we’ll tax funerals, just imagine:
 
Food taxable food,
VAT putting the lamp on;
Tax songs that are crude,
Excise a large tampon;
Huge levies on orange juice,
That’s normal in Denmark;
Which fruit was let on the loose?
Must be Ken Clarke……
(‘ere ‘ee comes fellers; the Clarkful Bodger)
 
I’M REVIEWING THIS NEW TAXATION (Ken Clarke is “Reviewing the Situation”)
 
I’m reviewing this new taxation,
I’m a lawyer and my sums are not so good;
With my budget for reinflation,
I should tax the rich and be like Robin Hood.
 
Cos I have the autonomy,
To fuck up the economy,
So don’t expect much bon hommie,
On budget day from John or me,
I’ll tax the wealthy hopefully,
But then they might not vote for me;
(thinks)….I think I’d better think it out again.
 
CON EVERYONE BUT THE RICH (tax inspector’s chorus to “Consider Yourself”)
 
Con everyone but the rich,
Con everyone who’s not a Conservative,
We’ve burdened the poor so long,
It’s clear, we’re, doing the numbers wrong;
See if yer chancella’s la-di-da or uppity,
Tax yer cup of tea ‘n’all;
But there’s a chance that Ken will end up at number ten,
‘less the Tory party falls.
Con everyone but your mate,
The poor never vote for us,
So after fiscal legislation Ken can state,
KEN:Con everyone not one of us.

Below is Food Glorious Food from Oliver! with the lyrics on the screen:

https://youtu.be/t9ZoZhfdo0A

Below is Ron Moody singing Reviewing The Situation:

Here is a link to Reviewing The Situation lyrics.

Below is Consider Yourself from Oliver!

https://youtu.be/a0a1HYYmiXM

Here is a link to Consider Yourself lyrics.

Submission To Jonathan Linsley’s 1993 Christmas Run, 31 October 1993




LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING

JONATHEN LINSLEY XMAS 1993 RUN
 
Dear Jonathen
 
I enclose your fun pack “best of 1993” lyrics and tape.  I have included the ones you requested plus a few others for you to consider.  They are all 1993 songs and most of them had successful runs during the year.  There are also one or two new ones that might interest you, including the “Oh what a year” opening number that I sent you a few weeks ago.
 
I am only around for another 10 days or so and then I am away for several weeks, so please let me know if there are any others that you want or any rewriting that you wish to discuss.  I should be at the writers meetings 4 Nov and 11 Nov before I go, or you may try to reach me by phone on the above number.
 
See you soon.

Penis In Blue Jeans, NewsRevue Lyric, 29 October 1993

I can only assume that this lyric was triggered by some silly news story about men being exploited by the fashion industry.

I don’t think it was used but it does have one or two good lines in it.

                                                   _ PENIS IN BLUE JEANS _

                                (To the Tune of “Venus in Blue Jeans”)
 
INTRO – MELVYN BRAGG
 
Good evening and welcome to the South Bank Show.  Politics and the performing arts.  Tonight we welcome Ivor Tripod.  Through his songs, Ivor argues that performers are exploited by powerful, faceless corporations.  His first song tonight is a scathing polemic about the exploitation of men by the denim trouser industry.
 
(Enter female chorus)La la, la la la, la la la la, la la;
(Enter well endowed male singer) La da, da de da, da de de da, dee dum;
 
VERSE 1
 
My penis in blue jeans,
Macho Levis with a pony tail;
See the action in your swimming pools,
Of my cue and snooker balls.
 
VERSE 2
 
My Penis in blue jeans,
Outlined in a range of underwear;
Denim Wranglers can’t prevent the pain,
When horse-dragged cross the plain.
 
MIDDLE BIT
 
There’s more than seven wonders in the world,
Because my friend is number eight;
To keep my golden wonder neatly curled,
I must not masturbate…
 
VERSE 3
 
…my Penis in blue jeans,
Is a massively uplifting sight;
My pitch increases more and more,
(strains for the last few notes) These jeans are much too tight.

Below is Mark Wynter singing Venus In Blue Jeans with the lyrics on the screen: