Tag: NewsRevue

For some reason, the Labour Party had chosen the main theme from the fourth movement of Brahms’s first symphony as its party anthem at that time.

I like the symphony and the tune but wasn’t sure about it as a Labour motif.

I’m not sure when or if this one was used. The log says I wrote it 8 September but the electronic file is dated 23 October, so I might have tinkered or just resubmitted to the next run.

Some good lines, I think. And Brahms.

THE LABOUR CHORUS

(To the Tune of Brahms Symphony No 1 Mov IV, “Labour Theme” bit)
 
CHORUS 1
 
We’re the Labour chorus,
We’re not really that left wing;
The voters ignore us,
Because of the songs we sing;
As,
They find it a drag,
To hear the red flag,
They hate it irrational-ly;
And get a fright,
When the workers unite,
To sing the Internationale…….
 
CHORUS 2 (which starts two notes before the end of chorus 1)
 
…..We’re the Labour chorus,
The unions are up in arms;
Cos John Smith implored us,
To sing you a tune by Brahms;
Who,
Was bourgeois and dead,
And not very red,
Which is much like the Labour move-ment;
John Smith will gloat,
As he dumps the block vote,
To start to build Labour’s improvement………
 
CHORUS 3 (which starts two notes before the end of chorus 2)
 
…..We’re the Labour chorus,
We sing when we’ve drunk some jars;
This tune ought to bore us,
Cos we’ve only learnt twelve bars;
But,
We’re up in the polls,
And wait for our roles,
In the Government bathed in glor-y;
‘Tho’ in the end,
Half those voters intend,
To swop sides and vote bloody Tory!!!!

Here’s the Chicago Symphony Orchestra under James Levine playing that Brahms movement. The Labour Chorus theme emerges for the first time after 5’10”. Then it reappears periodically.

I tweaked this lyric and re-released it in the autumn of 1994:

THE LABOUR CHORUS AUTUMN 1994 REMIX
(To the Tune of Brahms Symphony No 1 Mov IV, “Labour Theme” bit)
CHORUS 1
We’re the Labour chorus,
We’re not really that left wing;
The voters ignore us,
Because of the songs we sing;
As,
They find it a drag,
To hear the red flag,
They hate it irrational-ly;
And get a fright,
When the workers unite,
To sing the Internationale…….
CHORUS 2 (which starts two notes before the end of chorus 1)
…..We’re the Labour chorus,
The unions are up in arms;
Cos Tony implored us,
To sing you a tune by Brahms;
Who,
Was bourgeois and dead,
And not very red,
Like John Smith, whom we gave applause for,
Tories will gloat,
Now we’ve dumped the block vote,
And started to row over clause four………
CHORUS 3 (which starts two notes before the end of chorus 2)
…..We’re the Labour chorus,
We sing when we’ve drunk some jars;
This tune ought to bore us,
Cos we’ve only learnt twelve bars;
But,
We’re up in the polls,
And wait for our roles,
In the Government bathed in glor-y;
‘Tho’ in the end,
Half those voters intend,
To swap sides and vote bloody Tory!!!!

I did another minor rewrite of this lyric in 1997. The reference to “Such” is Screaming Lord Such, who ran as a Monster Raving Loony in every election for decades.:

LABOUR CHORUS 1997 REMIX
To the Tune of Brahms Symphony No 1 Mov IV, “Labour Theme” bit)
CHORUS 1
We’re the Labour chorus,
We’re not really that left wing;
Some voters ignore us,
Because of the songs we sing;
As,
They find it a drag,
To hear the red flag,
They hate it irrational-ly;
And get a fright,
When the workers unite,
To sing the Internationale…….
CHORUS 2 (which starts two notes before the end of chorus 1)
…..We’re the Labour chorus,
The unions are up in arms;
Cos young Blaire implored us,
To sing you a tune by Brahms;
Who,
Was bourgeois and dead,
And not very red,
Which is much like the Labour move-ment;
Tony was sure,
That to chuck out Clause Four,
Was the way to Labour’s improvement………
CHORUS 3 (which starts two notes before the end of chorus 2)
…..We’re the Labour chorus,
We sing when we’ve drunk some jars;
This tune ought to bore us,
Cos we’ve only learnt twelve bars;
But,
We’re up in the polls,
And wait for our roles,
In the Government bathed in glor-y;
We’ve changed so much,
Might as well vote for Such,
Or swop sides and vote bloody Tory!!!!

What a gift for the satirists during the slow news part of the summer – glass found in lager. All a bit obvious, but it had to be done.

BROKEN GLASS

(A quickie song to the Tune of “Breaking Glass” plus voiceover)
 
The voiceover may be useable after another song or sketch on this news item.
 
The song and voiceover are independent of one another.
 
THE QUICKIE SONG
 
Lately,
There’s been;
Broken glass in my Heineken.
 
See.
 
(Takes a glass of cooled Heineken and drinks from it)
 
It’s such a wonderful lager.
 
(starts to choke)
 
But it’s got problems:
 
Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh
 
THE VOICEOVER
 
(Chirpy Danish voice)
 
Only Heineken can do this.
 
Because Heineken defleshes the parts other beers cannot reach.
 
 

Here is David Bowie singing Breaking Glass with the lyrics on the screen.

The log says I write this 16 August 1993 but I certainly revived it in Amipro 17 October 1994 – doesn’t look as though I changed it much if at all.

Probably unused in 1993, possibly unused full stop.

I rather like it.

AIN’T GOT NO….I’LL REVIVE
(To the Tune of “Ain’t Got No…I Got Life” from “Hair”)

(Outrageous Hair type wigs and costumes could make this number. The song works equally well in plural as in singular….we ain’t, we got, etc)

AIN’T GOT NO…

I ain’t got no tune, ain’t got no tone,
Ain’t got no rhythm, ain’t got no score,
Ain’t got no beat, ain’t got no chorus,
Ain’t got no music, ain’t got no key, ain’t got no chords.

I ain’t got no texture, ain’t got no structure,
Ain’t got no drama, ain’t got no lyric,
Ain’t got no pitch, ain’t got no scale,
Ain’t got no tempo. ain’t got no gusto, ain’t got no plot.

MIDDLE BIT

Ohhhhh what have I got, I’ve no new hit musicals?
Ohhhhh what is in stock, all the new ones are balls.

I GOT……

I got Hair, I got Grease,
I got Cats, I got Chess;
I got Mame, Guys and Dolls,
And Joseph and Kiss Me Kate.

Got Annie and Gypsy,
And Gigi, and Tommy,
Carmen Jones, Carousel,
And Cabaret to reinstate.

I got Evita to repeat,
I got Starlight to reignite;
I may get Show Boat back afloat,
I’ll redo Godspell’s, Chorus Line.

I’ll reprise,
I’ve got old chest-nuts,
To revive!!!!

Here’s Nina Simone singing Ain’t Got No…I Got Life, with lyrics on the screen:

According to my log, I wrote an initial version of this lyric 15 August 1993 but the first version I have in electronic form is labelled V2 from 28 August:

IT’S SLOW NEWS WEEK – REVISED

(To the Tune of “It’s Good News Week”)
 
VERSE 1
 
It’s slow news week,  {ummmmmmmmm}
MPs still on holiday, if most of them would stay away,
Then things may turn out right.
It’s low news week,  {ummmmmmmmm}
Gummer had a rotten day, while Pete and Gini Bottomley,
Were on the Isle of Wight.
 
MIDDLE BIT 1
 
Let’s make up the news,
What can we say?
Paul Gascoigne’s fat,
And Cliff Richard might be gay {and Cliff Richard might be gay}.
 
VERSE 2
 
It’s slow news week,  {ummmmmmmmm}
Emma Thompson sneezed somewhere, and Kenneth Brannagh’s pubic hair,
Has started to turn grey;
It’s no news week,  {ummmmmmmmm}
Stephen Fry is celibate, he’d rather eat some halibut,
Than get his end away.
 
MIDDLE BIT 2
 
Let’s make up more news,
Affairs of state;
Diana’s blues,
Does Prince Edward masturbate? {does Prince Edward masturbate?}.
 
VERSE 3
 
It’s duff news week,  {ummmmmmmmm}
Now Ted Danson’s new toupee has helped him get his end away,
With Whoopie Goldberg’s trunk;
It gets more weak;  {ummmmmmmmm}
Hair transplant for Brian Clough but journalists are paid enough,
To spare us from this junk {so spare us from this junk, just spare us from this junk}.

Below is the song It’s Good News Week performed by Hedgehoppers Anonymous.

Click here for the lyrics to It’s Good News Week

Below is Version 3 of my lyric, dated 12 September 1993:

IT’S SLOW NEWS WEEK – REVISED

(To the Tune of “It’s Good News Week”)
 
VERSE 1
 
It’s slow news week,  {ummmmmmmmm}
MPs back from holiday, if most of them had stay away,
I’m sure we still would cope.
It’s low news week,  {ummmmmmmmm}
Conferences are such a bore, those yanks Bill Clinton and Al Gore,
Are such a pair of dopes.
 
MIDDLE BIT 1
 
Let’s make up the news,
What can we say?
Paul Gascoigne’s fat,
And Cliff Richard might be gay {and Cliff Richard might be gay}.
 
VERSE 2
 
It’s slow news week,  {ummmmmmmmm}
Emma Thompson sneezed somewhere, and Kenneth Brannagh’s pubic hair,
Has started to turn grey;
It’s no news week,  {ummmmmmmmm}
Stephen Fry is celibate, he’d rather eat some halibut,
Than get his end away.
 
MIDDLE BIT 2
 
Let’s make up more news,
Affairs of state;
Diana’s blues,
Does Prince Edward masturbate? {does Prince Edward masturbate?}.
 
VERSE 3
 
It’s duff news week,  {ummmmmmmmm}
Now Ted Danson’s new toupee has helped him get his end away,
With Whoopie Goldberg’s trunk;
It gets more weak;  {ummmmmmmmm}
Hair transplant for Brian Clough but journalists are paid enough,
To spare us from this junk {so spare us from this junk, just spare us from this junk}.

Version 1 (which I’d guess was similar to Version 2) might turn up in hard copy form. I’ll upload a scan of it if it shows up. But it might well be lost in the mists of time.