This is a rather nasty lyric about the film director and latterly food critic, Michael Winner. I recall it went down very well indeed with the NewsRevue audience. Winner was a very unpopular fellow.
MICHAEL WINNER EATS IT ALL
(To the Tune of “The Winner Takes It All”)
VERSE 1
WINNER: I just want to talk even with my mouth full,
What a tasty dish, grub from my Death Wish;
I’ve laid all my cast and my films are dreadful,
So now what I do’s restaurant reviews.FEMALES: Michael Winner eats it all, his bladder’s full of gall;
His snout deep in your trough, then he slags you off.VERSE 2
WINNER: I dine at the best, thinking I belong there,
I make waiters tense when I take offence;
Then I make demands and I make a pong there,
Eating gourmet food, being bloody rude.FEMALES: The rich take his advice, he always quotes the price,
He thinks a meal is bland unless it cost a grand;
Michael Winner eats it all, he’s almost fat as tall,
He’s simple and he’s plain, knows how to complain.VERSE 3
WINNER: So tell me, shall we kiss [chorus might choose to vomit] while I’m masticating?
Have a slice of tongue, my joints been well hung;
In the Sunday Times, I’ll be castigating,
Tables badly laid, orders not obeyed.FEMALES: The editors decide, to take this punter’s side,
Although his taste is kitsch and he’s much too rich;
Michael Winner eats it all and then can’t move at all,
He gets to try roast duck more often than most fuck.VERSE 4
WINNER: I just want to talk even if it’s me you loathe,
You must understand I’ve come to take your hand; [takes a hand and eats it]
Don’t apologise, not to Jenny Seagrove,
She’s in my past tense movie violence.
ALL: But you see….Michael Winner eats it all, Michael Winner eats it all.
FEMALES: Michael Winner is a bastard, stuffs his face and gets well plastered
Michael Winner is a bastard, stuffs his face and gets well plastered
ALL: Michael Winner eats it all!!
Below is a video with Abba singing The Winner Takes It All with lyrics on the screen: