I seem to recall this one doing well in NewsRevue. Royal family material tended to do well. Reading it again (June 2019) for the first time in 20+ years, it has made me smile or even laugh a couple of times.
THIS OLD HISE
(To the Tune of “This Old House”)
VERSE 1 – CHUCK WINDSOR
This old hise once had some princes,
This old hise once knew a wife;
This old hise is called Balmoral,
And I ought to get a life.
This old hise belongs to Mater,
But it’s no economy;
This old hise could raise a few bob,
To help one pay one’s alimony.CHORUS 1 – THE WINDSORS
Ain’t-a gonna need this hise no longer, aint-a gonna need this hise no more,
Ain’t got time to shoot the grise and ain’t got time to beat the moor;
Ain’t got time to go to Scotland and Balmoral’s such a bore,
Ain’t-a gonna need this hise no longer once the Monarchy’s reformed.VERSE 2 – CHUCK WINDSOR
This old hise is known as Windsor,
This old hise has civil lists;
This old hise has Princess Margaret,
Who is always stoned or pissed.
This old hise has countless liggers,
This old hise has mavericks;
But a girlie can’t precede one,
And one can’t marry a Catholic.CHORUS 2 – THE WINDSORS
Ain’t-a gonna need this hise no longer, aint-a gonna need this hise no more,
Ain’t got funds to pay the servants, that cow Di has left one poor;
Ain’t got cash to pay for polo or to run one’s fleet of Rolls,
Ain’t-a gonna need a horse and cart if one weds Camilla Parker-Bowles.CHORUS 3 – CHUCK AND CAMILLA
Ain’t-a gonna need this hise no longer, aint-a gonna need this hise no more;
Ain’t got cash to pay one’s taxes, don’t like primogeniture;
Just allow us to draw income from those tiny Crown Estates,
For a-hundred-million annual we’ll live in exile in the States!!
Click here to go through to a video of Shakin Stevens singing This Old House with the lyrics in the comment. Or you can just watch the video below: