We went for dinner at Victor & Kim’s place. Kim & Micky were also there. DJ might have been there too that night but I have a feeling it was just the six of us.
Victor’s second wife was named Kim, which caused some confusion with his daughter Kim when, on occasions, someone mentioned “Kim” without a fair bit of context.
Janie’s solution was to add the suffix “the chickidoo” when referring to Victor’s Kim, while omiting said suffix when referring to her old school pal Kim. Clever stuff.
Anyway, I seem to recall a very enjoyable evening on that occasion. Good food, good wine, good chat.
What else might one wish for from such an evening?
Interesting stuff. It’s one of those nights at the theatre about which I remember little detail but it left a lingering impression on me nonetheless. I can still sort-of remember the sights, sounds and even smells of it.
I think this was one of the best lyrics I wrote for NewsRevue. It was almost certainly the quickest, in terms of creative process.
The idea for it – based on the government’s imposition of VAT on domestic fuel for the first time in the UK – popped into my head as a Circle Line train approached High Street Kensington. I grabbed a piece of paper from my attache case, boarded the train and started writing.
I was done by the time we arrived at Notting Hill Gate – perhaps 90 seconds later, I still have the piece of paper somewhere – I’ll scan it and add it once I go through that part of my physical archive.
There is also a story attached to my witnessing the song’s first ever performance – a couple of weeks or so later. Keith Wickham was directing the show and I was very keen to attend the opening night; 27 May 1993.
I was in Manchester on business and arranged to leave quite early on the Thursday afternoon to be sure to arrive back in London on time. But I hadn’t accounted for several junctions of the M6 motorway to be a blocked by an accident, which meant hours of traffic jams and diversions.
I remember clearly writing off the idea of going home first…then writing off the idea of eating a proper meal before the show and eventually even writing off the idea of getting a beer and a packet of crisps in before curtain up. I think I drove much too fast once I got past the hazard and was lucky to get to the Canal Cafe Theatre at 20:00 on the dot and in one piece, just in time for curtain up.
I’m pretty sure that the crowning glory of that dash was, for me, to see Domestic Fuel performed. Rosie Cavaliero delivered the “Old Biddy” role that night. She absolutely smashed it, with a stunningly good performance, enrapturing the audience.
Anyway, here’s the lyric:
DOMESTIC FUEL
(To the Tune of “Everything I Own”)
VERSE 1 – OLD BIDDY
Fuel sheltered me from harm,
Kept me warm, kept me warm;
Fuel gave my light to me,
‘lec-tric-ly, ‘lec-tric-ly;
But Tory ministers are cruel,
By taxing my domestic fuel.
CHORUS 1 – STILL WITH THE BIDDY
So I must give everything I own,
Give up my light, my hearth, my phone,
And cut my expenses to the bone;
Just to heat my flat again,
And to treat my sore chilblain.
VERSE 2 – A CRUEL TORY
This is someone who’s old,
Decrepit and bold,
Who is taking hand outs for granted;
We shall lose her one day,
Hypothermia, say,
Then there’s one less pension we must pay.
CHORUS 2 – STILL THE CRUEL TORY
(To audience)Cos we have taxed everything you earn,
(To Biddy)Now it’s the old must take their turn,
{BIDDY: eh}
We’ll ignore health and age concern;
{BIDDY: mustn’t grumble}
Just to balance books again,
Lower interest rates again,
Then we’ll tax her once again.
{BIDDY:I don’t want to be any trouble.}
Ben Murphy made a good recording of this one – you can listen below:
Not quite the power of the original performance – superbly done by Rosie Cavaliero – but that original performance is sadly lost in the mists of time.
This is a useful note, in that it confirms that Keith Wickham went straight from cast to director at that time. It also helps confirm which of my extant batch of songs had not been used yet, to me, still felt current/useful.
If I recall correctly, Keith used plenty of mine, but probably not these ones.
LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING
KEITH WICKHAM MAY-JUNE 1993 RUN
Dear Keith
There seems little point in my submitting the material that is currently being used, as I believe that you and Dan are to continue in the show. I am therefore just submitting material that has been cruelly overlooked before, some of which may match the skills of your new troop and which is not too long in the tooth. I shall obviously submit new material as and when it comes to me.
Please do call me and let me know what sort of things you are short of/need and I shall try to oblige.
Asil Nadir was a Turkish Cypriot businessman whose conglomerate, Polly Peck, which owned Del Monte amongst many other well-known brands, got into a spot of difficulty around this time. Asil did a runner and remained a fugitive for a very long time. More recently he faced justice did time.
This lyric was not used as far as I can recall. It doesn’t have a great deal going for it, in truth.
I WAS ASIL NADIR'S GIRLFRIEND (To the Tune of "I Was Kaiser Bill's Batman")
(The girls each stand on opposite sides of the stage. The henchmen stand in between them. Ideally, the girls have blond wigs and the henchmen have dark glasses and jackets.)
VERSE 1 – GIRL NUMBER ONE
Asil Nadir made knickers here, I was Asil Nadir’s girlfriend; Now that Nadir’s in Nicosia, I suppose I’m his ex girlfriend. Gave me fresh tights three times a night, All with a Polly Peck label; I was the only girl made him feel right, Till Asil bolted the stable.
VERSE 2 – GIRL NUMBER TWO
Asil Nadir was so sincere, He was the man from Del Monte; His fruit I guess made me say yes, Like in a film by Visconti. Went mad a bit, banana split, He ran away from his court case; He was so faithful and he left about, Five hundred new shirts at my place.
VERSE 3 – THE HENCHMEN (While the henchmen are singing – one of the girls goes behind them and finds the other girl)
Asil Nadir, {GIRL ONE: Asil loves me} Hassle and fear, {GIRL TWO: Asil loves me} We are Asil Nadir’s henchmen; {BOTH GIRLS: Asil Nadir’s true love} Each of his dames, {GIRL ONE: Asil loves me} Believe his claims, {GIRL TWO: Asil loves me} She is the one girl he’s wenching. {BOTH GIRLS: Asil Nadir’s true love} Asil Nadir, {GIRL ONE: Asil loves me} Made our career, {GIRL TWO: Asil loves me} Keeping his skirt segregated; {BOTH GIRLS: Hey, who the hell are you?} If we should let those birds catch Asil out, {BOTH GIRLS: We’ll both make Asil sweat} We’ll both be deconjugated. If we should let those birds catch Asil out, We’ll both be deconjugated. (The henchmen, spotting the girls are now together, both point and yell:) Oy.
The above lyric works well to the tune of I Was Kaiser Bill’s Batman:
My parents only came to see NewsRevue once and it seems to have escaped my diary as an “event”.
In those days, I was regularly going on a Thursday evening as long as I didn’t have anything else on, so it could easily have been scheduled quite casually and I do not recall anything as event-like as having dinner with the folks before the show or anything like that.
…but I think to my folks, especially my mum, it was just some sophomoric thing I was doing as a vague hobby.
I remember dad liking the show.
I remember mum not liking it.
I remember the director, Michael Eriera, ever the professional, making a fuss over my parents for a while when they visited, which helped to make them feel special and was a nice touch.
The reason I think it was probably this particular Thursday (or the one after) is linked to my Michael Eriera-linked memory of that evening. I wasn’t around for all that many Thursdays of Michael’s runs.
I remember mum saying, I paraphrase only slightly:
I’d have thought you’d got all this sort of thing out of your system when you were at university, dear.
As for the Social Chapter opt out clause from the Maastricht treaty, it was something to do with labour laws and became obsolete even before the Brexity business…but in truth I’m none the wiser now…
5 May 1993
Dear Michael
I have taken a look at the Zany Tony song and have concluded that you only need to change a couple of lines at the end for the song to work perfectly well in the event of a Liberal win.
Who needs alliance,
To gain triumphs?
The Liberals won it fair and square,
And the Labour chappie came nowhere,
We’re Beckett, Smith, Claire Short and zany Tony Blaire.
The Liberals seem to be doing so well that I suggest you swop in these lines for Thursday (and swop back to the original if the polls are wrong and the Tory limps home).
Consider also changing the spoken bit in the Maastricht song to cover the Social Chapter issue which seems to be so big this week.
MAJOR:This is a special bulletin. Ma Stricht is the Tory Whip’s most considerably wanted treaty. Oh yes. If anyone can explain what the Social Chapter Opt Out clause means, please report immediately to Tory Central Office.
THATCHER:Don’t anybody move. Hand over that treaty.
Please have a think about any new areas that you would like to me to cover over the next couple of weeks and we can chat about them on Thursday. As you reckon that Keith is already warming up to take over, perhaps have a word with him about what he is looking for. I am unlikely to get much chance to write again for a couple of weeks after the coming weekend.
Janie had a former colleague and friend named Michelle. Janie called her “Pussycat Michelle”.
We visited Michelle and her partner Joe for lunch in Amersham for lunch on this Sunday.
I recall little about the lunch, other than some good food (Michelle’s French background was telling) and a little bit of whacky backy from Joe after lunch.
They were good company, those two, but it always seemed difficult to fix up times to see them, so there were few (if any) repeats. Certainly we only made the one visit there.
Janie and I went threee times in a fortnight to see RNT Studio plays at the Cottesloe. This was the first of those three visits. It was a modern Liverpudlian play of the post-Thatcherism variety. We thought it was a very good play and really enjoyed (if that is the right word) this production.
Michael Church gave it a very good review in the Observer:
