A Visit To NewsRevue With Janie, John Random and Friends, 1 August 1997

I went to NewsRevue so often in the 1990s, I’d rarely even note it in my diary.

Thursday night was “writers meeting and see NewsRevue night” most weeks.

But on this particular week things must have been different, as John Random has recently (July 2017) sent me a note from his own diary, as follows:

IT WAS TWENTY YEARS AGO TODAY – SORT OF

John is such a nice chap, his note doesn’t actually ask me to upload the lyric so he can read it.

But I’m a nice chap too and I realise that a revisit to the lyric will please John, me and perhaps other Ogblog readers too, so “up it goes”…as Bill Clinton no doubt frequently used to put it.

Letter to Aiden Tierney, NewsRevue, 22 July 1997

Aiden Tierney 22 July 1997
New Revue

 

Dear Aiden

EDINBURGH

A few rewrites for Edinburgh. Apart from Paisley and Adams, I believe that none of these have been to Edinburgh before.

 

I hope to see you and speak to you soon.

Yours sincerely

 

 

Ian Harris

Encs.

 

NewsRevue Tonight, Multiple Lyric Revisions 1996 & 1997

My main post on this long-running lyric can be found if you click here.

There were several revisions, the last three of which follow.

This one is from 9 January 1996 and is actually numbered “4”:

NEWS REVUE TONIGHT – REVISION NUMBER GOODNESS KNOWS WHAT
(To the Tune of “Comedy Tonight”)

VERSE 1

THATCHER: Someone familiar,
PAISLEY: Someone peculiar,
ALL: Weirdoes from everywhere at News Revue tonight;
BLOKES: Major’s deflecting,
GIRLS: Emma’s defecting,
ALL: No party whipping here at News Review tonight.

MIDDLE EIGHT 1

GIRLS: Nothing that brings share options down,
BLOKES: Bring on Ken Clarke in place of the clowns
GIRLS: Old exploitations,
BLOKES: New corporations,
ALL: Something to make the boss contrite;

CLIMAX 1

ALL: Barbican tomorrow,
News Revue tonight.

VERSE 2

GIRLS: Alan Clark’s diaries,
BLOKES: The Scott enquiry,
ALL: Sleaze factor everywhere at News Revue tonight;
BLOKES: Serbs’ revolution,
GIRLS: Scots’ devolution,
ALL: Side splitting everywhere at News Revue tonight.

MIDDLE EIGHT 2

GIRLS: Nothing with French nuclear tests,
BLOKES: Show us exploding silicon breasts;
GIRLS: News that reflects life,
BLOKES: Diana’s sex life,
ALL: Satire that puts the world to right;

CLIMAX 2

ALL: Maida Vale tomorrow,
News Revue, News Revue, News Revue, News Revue, News Revue..Tonight!!

Next up, revision 5 dated 16 November 1996 – I get the impression I did this in response to a request:

NEWS REVUE TONIGHT – XMAS 1996 REMIX (YOU ASKED FOR IT)
(To the Tune of “Comedy Tonight”)

VERSE 1

MAJOR: Someone familiar,
PAISLEY: Someone peculiar,
ALL: Weirdoes from everywhere at News Revue tonight;
LABOUR: New Labour morals,
TORY: Old Tory quarrels,
ALL: No party whipping here at News Review tonight.

MIDDLE EIGHT 1

GIRLS: Nothing that brings share options down,
BLOKES: Bring on Ken Clarke in place of the clowns
GIRLS: Old exploitations,
BLOKES: New corporations,
ALL: Something to make the boss contrite;

CLIMAX 1

ALL: Barbican tomorrow,
News Revue tonight.

VERSE 2

GIRLS: More cash for questions,
BLOKES: And lewd suggestions,
ALL: Sleaze factor everywhere at News Revue tonight;
BLOKES: Benazir Bhutto,
GIRLS: Tutsis and Hutus,
ALL: Side splitting everywhere at News Revue tonight.

MIDDLE EIGHT 2

GIRLS: Something to treat your Christmas guests,
BLOKES: Madonna and child with big pointy breasts;
GIRLS: News that reflects life,
BLOKES: Bill Clinton’s sex life,
ALL: Satire that puts the world to right;

CLIMAX 2

ALL: Broadway tomorrow,
News Revue, News Revue, News Revue, News Revue, News Revue..Tonight!!

Finally, the sixth and final revision, a version for Edinburgh 1997:

NEWS REVUE TONIGHT – EDINBURGH 1997 VERSION
(To the Tune of “Comedy Tonight”)

VERSE 1

BLAIR: Someone familiar,
PAISLEY: Someone peculiar,
ALL: Weirdoes from everywhere at News Revue tonight;
LABOUR: New Labour morals,
TORY: Old Tory quarrels,
ALL: No party whipping here at News Review tonight.

MIDDLE EIGHT 1

GIRLS: Nothing that brings share options down,
BLOKES: Take off Ken Clarke bring in Gordon Brown.
GIRLS: Old exploitations,
BLOKES: New corporations,
ALL: Something to make the boss contrite;

CLIMAX 1

ALL: Edinburgh tomorrow,
News Revue tonight.

VERSE 2

GIRLS: War in Tirana,
BLOKES: Canaan Banana,
ALL: Globe trotting everywhere at News Revue tonight;
BLOKES: Congo’s solution,
GIRLS: Scot’s devolution,
ALL: Side splitting everywhere at News Revue tonight.

MIDDLE EIGHT 2

GIRLS: MP’s we chase, much like fox hunts,
BLOKES: Jack Straw and Gordon Brown are……;
GIRLS: …….at lunch;
GIRLS: News that reflects life,
BLOKES: Camilla’s sex life,
ALL: Satire that puts the world to right;

CLIMAX 2

ALL: Royal Mile tomorrow,
News Revue, News Revue, News Revue, News Revue, News Revue..Tonight!!

Skylight by David Hare, Vaudeville Theatre, 19 July 1997

Somehow Janie and I missed this one when it ran at The National a couple of years earlier – I guess we were kinda busy back then. Anyway, we resolved to see the first revival of Skylight at the National, with Bill Nighy and Stella Gonet picking up the leading parts this time around.

We were not disappointed, but I did manage to mislay the programme. Theatricalia is not much help for this revival.

My log suggests that

It was very good indeed. We saw it wherever it transferred after the RNT

Janie’s diary suggests that she (unusually) did all the booking for this one (perhaps she was keener than me) so I can report that she/we paid £25 per ticket to sit in Row D 9 & 10 of the Vaudeville Theatre – this sort of detail would not be found in my diary, which simply says “Skylight 8.00”.

David Benedict in The Indy had this to say about the transfer – broadly positive I think – making it plain that Nighy & Gonet is a very different casting to Michael Gambon & Lia Williams.

Skylight Benedict IndySkylight Benedict Indy 05 Jul 1997, Sat The Independent (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Nick Curtis in The Standard had this positive stuff to say:

Skylight Curtis StandardSkylight Curtis Standard 01 Jul 1997, Tue Evening Standard (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Charles Spencer in The Telegraph also wrote very highly of it:

Skylight Spencer TelegraphSkylight Spencer Telegraph 02 Jul 1997, Wed The Daily Telegraph (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Twilight Of The Golds by Jonathan Tolins, Arts Theatre, 5 July 1997

We rated this good, although I recall not really liking the Wagnerian idée fixe (or should I say leitmotif in the context of Wagner?) underlying this New York drama.

The cast comprised Jason Gould (fanfared as the son of Elliot Gould & Barbara Streisand), Gina Bellman, Mark Hadfield, Sheila Allen and Peter Laird. Theatricalia is not much help on this one.

Nicholas de Jongh in The Standard hated it:

Twilight de Jongh StandardTwilight de Jongh Standard 20 Jun 1997, Fri Evening Standard (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Kate Bassett was no more impressed in The Telegraph:

Twilight Bassett TelegraphTwilight Bassett Telegraph 25 Jun 1997, Wed The Daily Telegraph (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Paul Taylor in The Indy was more generous towards the play & production:

Twilight Taylor IndyTwilight Taylor Indy 24 Jun 1997, Tue The Independent (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

We had dinner at Momo in Heddon Street afterwards. It was all the rage at that time, having just opened.

Here is Tracey Macleod’s The Independent review of Momo from a few week’s earlier.

Submission To Aiden Tierney Re NewsRevue, 29 June 1997

Aiden Tierney
News Revue
(London WC1 Address Redacted)

LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING
EDINBURGH 1997 RUN

Dear Aiden

Welcome back to News Revue!! It was good to get your message the other day. As you requested, here is a starter pack which consists of my latest songs plus some older ones which have longevity or are still topical.

Feel free to give me a call on (0171) 243-0725 if you want anything else or want a rewrite or two. Good luck and I look forward to seeing you soon.

Ian Harris

Song Title
Original Title/
Artist on Tape Approx.. No. of weeks performed
7+ 4-6 1-3 New
side 1
labour medley world war two songs by ghastly soldiers 7+
david hellfgott in concert all by myself / eric carmen 4-6
jack straw my name is jack / manfred mann N
gordon brown golden brown / stranglers 4-6
when you fall out when you’re in love / dr hook 4-6
me and paula jones me and mrs jones N
maggie might maggie may N
ffion rave on / buddy holly 1-3
julio down by the seaside julio down by the school yard / paul simon N
side 2
the shit of araby the sheik of araby / spike jones 7+
plagiarise walk on by / dionne warwick 4-6
my cherie earns more my cherie amour / stevie wonder 4-6
taliban carrie anne / hollies N

Dinner At Les Porte Des Indes, With Kim & Micky, 28 June 1997

Photo of Les Porte Des Indes by trolvag, CC BY-SA 3.0

Crickey we were dashing about a lot at that time.

After taking The Duchess to see Carmen at the ENO on the Thursday evening, Janie and I both worked full days on the Friday (Janie starting crack of dawn) ending up in New Orleans (in Ealing, not Louisiana) for a late supper on Friday night…

…then tennis at 10:00 on Saturday (not much change there in 25 years except the location) blah blah.

But then we relaxed for an evening at La Porte Des Indes on the junction of Old Quebec Street & Bryanston Street – recently (25 years on) departed but a relatively new restaurant then.

Below is Helen Fielding’s review from when it opened the previous year:

La Porte Des Indes Fielding IndyLa Porte Des Indes Fielding Indy 17 Mar 1996, Sun The Independent (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Janie and I both remember our evening with Kim and Micky there as a fun, celebratory evening with good food and wine.

The place looked like this:

Picture by the (now defunct) restaurant “borrowed” as fair use via Open Table

Carmen by Georges Bizet, English National Opera At London Coliseum, 26 June 1997

I think I have the programme somewhere but this was on my mystery list until I found it in both our diaries while doing one of my “25 years on” trawls.

This was a “birthday treat” for Janie in which I expect i picked up the tab and Pauline, Duchess of Castlebar, graced us with her presence.

Janie’s not much one for opera but we all agreed that Carmen was a good place to really test that hypothesis. I had “done” Carmen as a small child of course – type cast as an urchin boy – another story for another Ogblog.

Anyway…

…this was the Jonathan Miller production at the ENO.

Edward Seckerson in The Independent sort-of liked it:

Carmen Edward Seckerson IndyCarmen Edward Seckerson Indy 15 Sep 1995, Fri The Independent (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Geroge Norris in The Telegraph loved it:

Carmen Geoffrey Norris TelegraphCarmen Geoffrey Norris Telegraph 16 Sep 1995, Sat The Daily Telegraph (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

While Kate Kellaway in The Observer didn’t like it:

Carmen Kate Kellaway ObserverCarmen Kate Kellaway Observer 17 Sep 1995, Sun The Observer (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

I think we were fairly indifferent to the production. It certainly wasn’t as good as the Putney Operatic Society’s version 25 years earlier…I wasn’t in it for a start.

You, Me & Julio Down By The Seaside, NewsRevue Lyric, 24 June 1997

This was an attempt at a perennial silly summer holiday song for NewsRevue. I’m not sure it works, despite a few good lines. I’m pretty sure it didn’t get used in NewsRevue.

YOU ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SEASIDE
(To the Tune of “You Me And Julio Down By The School Yard”)

 

VERSE 1 – BOTH

We’re Sharon and Tracy, plan to get away,
Want to fly to the Costa Brava;
Gary got sloshed, so we borrowed his dosh,
Which started the whole ffff palaver.
It’s not against the law,
It’s not against the law,
A bit of fun and more,
That’s what we came ‘ere for.

VERSE 2

SHAZZA: Julio waits in the “Cafe Ole”,
So we ordered his huge paella,
TRACE: Shazza got laid, while muggings here paid,
And got a bleedin’ dose of salmonella
We’re well on our way,
We don’t know where we’re staying,
We’re well on our way,
We’ll ‘ave some fun while we sort it out;
Goodbye to Gary and Wayne back in Essex,
It’s you, me and Julio down by the seaside;
Screw you, me and Julio down by the seaside.

VERSE 3

In a couple of days, coppers took us away,
And the Spanish cells are not well nice;
The judge looked delighted when he had us extradited,
We was all over El Pais;
(TRACE: You was all over the bleedin police ‘n’ all
SHAZZA: Shut up you fat slag. You can bleedin’ talk)
We’re well on our way,
We’re flying back to England,
We’re well on our way,
Hopin’ Gary and Wayne don’t mind;
Goodbye to Julio and his Tapas on the ‘ouse
(SHAZZA: Tap us on the arse – ha ha
TRACE: Shut up you fat slag),
You, me, Wayne and Gary down home in Southend,
You, me, Wayne and Gary sloshed down in Southend,
Shaz, Trace, Wayne and Gary sloshed down in Southend – Ole.

Below is the official Paul Simon video of Me And Julio Down By the Schoolyard which I’d never seen before and is well worth the three minutes investment required.

Click here for the lyrics to Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard.

Ffion, Newsrevue Lyric, 23 June 1997

The suggestion, back in 1997 when William Hague, the then Tory leader, married Ffion Jenkins, was that this was a marriage of convenience.

Writing more than 20 years later, in May 2019, it appears either that the chatterati were mistaken or that it remains convenient.

Anyway, my lyric below was in the show for some while, until someone else came along (was it Debbie Barham? John Random? Noel Christopher?  Other?) and wrote a wonderful version of Wimoweh – “Ffion Sleeps Tonight”, inferring even less subtly than my lyric below that there was little intimacy between William and Ffion.

FFION
(To the Tune of “Rave On”)

 

CHORUS 1 – OTHER FEMALE

We-e-e-e-e-ll the little bitch dates William Hague,
I’d sooner have bubonic plague,
F-Ffion,
A crazy moniker,
I’d need,
A gin and tonic or
Prozac,
To get laid,
F-F-Ffion with him.

CHORUS 2 – FFION

The way he dances on the floor,
You’d think he’s pushing eighty four;
F-F-F-Ffion,
I’m William’s totty,
And folk say,
I must be potty,
He’s like,
A three pound note,
Straight as a claw.

MIDDLE EIGHT

F-F-F-F-FFion,
A crazy party,
Votes in,
Her bloke, a smarty,
Pants who,
Takes a tarty,
To look cool.

OUTRO

F-F-F-F-F-FFion
He’s like a willow,
Hague would
Prefer Portillo
Than spend,
A night with you,
F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FFion, you knew,
F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FFion, true blue.

Below is a video of Rave On by Buddy Holly with lyrics on the screen.