David Helfgott In Concert, NewsReview and Actors’ Workshop Lyric, 25 May 1997

David Helfgott was the central subject of an Academy Award-winning docudrama, Shine, which came out around that time. It is a fascinating true story about a concert pianist who struggled with mental illness.

The lyric below is not even faintly politically correct. Nevertheless, it went down really well in NewsRevue and I also recall Mike Ward using it in the Actors’ Workshop New Year Revels in Halifax at the end of that year.

DAVID HELFGOTT IN CONCERT
(To the Tune “All By Myself – Rachmaninov Piano Concerto 2 Mov ii”)

This has tremendous potential for weird piano business if your pianist feels so inclined.

VERSE 1

When I was young, I never needed anyone,
And taking baths were so much fun, filled up with dung;
I lost my mind, but since they made that film called “Shine”,
My strange career is back on line, I’m doing fine.

CHORUS 1

Out of my tree,
I’m totally,
Out of my tree,
Round the bend.
Out of my mind,
Entirely,
Out of my mind,
My wits end.

VERSE 2

I’d had enough, of Chopin and Rachmaninov,
Brahms, Liszt and Rimsky-Korsakov, my brain went duff;
In spite of my flaw, they’ve stuck me on a huge world tour,
All though piano’s not my for-, -te any more;

CHORUS 2

I’m off my head,
I’m thoroughly,
Right off my head,
But I’ll still play;
I’m round the twist,
I’m utterly,
Right round the twist,
But you still pay.

OPTIONAL INSTRUMENTAL OUTRO WITH REPEAT OF CHORUS 2

(opportunity for some piano business which a mere mortal like me couldn’t even contemplate)

 

In case you didn’t realise, Eric Carmen’s song All By Myself uses the theme from the second movement of Rachmaninov’s Second Piano Concerto. Below is a video of Eric Carmen performing All By Myself, all by himself…except for a small army of backing musicians, of course:

Marat/Sade by Peter Weiss, Olivier Theatre, 24 May 1997

Actually the play is titled:

The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade 

But for reasons of sheer laziness and delinquency amongst the arty classes, the title has been widely abbreviated to Marat/Sade.

Joking apart, we really liked this one. My log reads:

Very good. This was the Olivier “in the round” for renovations.

From memory, this was a reduced size of auditorium but with seating all around the stage, which worked very well for this play.production.

Jeremy Sams directed a fine cast including Anastasia Hille, Corin Redgrave, David Calder, Iain Mitchell and many others. The slightly bare Theatricalia entry can be found here.

Nicholas de Jongh in The Standard hated this production:

Marat Sade de Jongh StandardMarat Sade de Jongh Standard 15 May 1997, Thu Evening Standard (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Paul Taylor in The Independent was more impressed, although he found the production “over-light”:

Marat Sade Taylor IndyMarat Sade Taylor Indy 16 May 1997, Fri The Independent (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Michael Billington, like Paul Taylor, speaks well of the production in The Guardian, but not too well:

Marat Sade Billington GuardianMarat Sade Billington Guardian 15 May 1997, Thu The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Charles Spencer in The Telegraph hated this play/production:

Marat Sade Spencer TelegraphMarat Sade Spencer Telegraph 19 May 1997, Mon The Daily Telegraph (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

But we said “very good” which rather puts a stop to the debate on my Ogblog!

Jack Straw, NewsRevue Lyric, 23 May 1997

When Labour came to power in May 1997, I felt that I should try and give some of the new top team the treatment, but my heart wasn’t really in doing that and they hadn’t really had time to mess anything up…yet.

The attempt at Home Secretary Jack Straw below wasn’t strong enough and understandably didn’t make the cut for NewsRevue.

Makes interesting reading 20+ years later with the benefit of hindsight, though.

JACK STRAW
(To the Tune of “My Name is Jack”)

 

INTRO

My name is Jack and I sit at the back of New Labour’s front bench team;
My friends all rant and posture, while I sit and daydream.
JACK: Yes my name’s Jack, Straw – the team that I back,
Ought to keep home policy as splendid as before;
CHORUS: We all like Jack, but he isn’t exact-
-ly the strongest minister that Britain ever saw. (Whistle refrain)

VERSE 1

There are kids over there, who molest, rob and swear, cos they’ve never had a chance,
So I’m building lots of Borstals, which is such a modern stance;
New Labours rhyme is that we’re tough on crime and the causes of crime too,
So we’ll lock kids up….and lock more up…..what else is there to do?
JACK: Yes my name’s Jack, I’m in charge of the pack,
Who make our youth justice system modern and secure;
CHORUS: We do like Jack but he’s not got much tact,
Like a friendly scarecrow all he has for brains is straw. (Whistles refrain)

VERSE 2

That twit Michael Howard was a terrible coward over Parkhurst’s retribution,
If I were Mike I’d sue the tyke who taught me elocution;
I’m on top of it all so I’m not going to fall for that nasty stuff called sleaze,
In case of doubt, I use my clout and throw away the keys.
JACK: Yes my name’s Jack, I’m appraised of the facts,
Like that Myra Hindley was one of the Guildford Four;
CHORUS: We did like Jack but he’s just got the knack,
Of convincing everyone that he’s some cornflakes short. (Whistles refrain)

VERSE 3

Here comes Brown with his jowls and his frown cos he can’t add up the books,
And here comes Robin Cook who’s not here for his looks;
It’s lots of fun so I’d love to run Britain after Blair,
I say that I’m ambitious, but no-one seems to care.
JACK: Yes my name’s Jack, you should all watch your backs,
I shall rule the country, I’ll be leader, me, Jack Straw;
CHORUS: We did like Jack, but he now seems to lack,
All the marbles that he needs to keep out of Broadmoor.
(Whistling furtively as they seize Jack)
JACK: (spoken) Are you taking me off for my coronation ceremony?
CHORUS: (restraining him, leading him off, spoken) That’s right, Jack. Just stay calm.

Below is a video of Manfred Mann singing My Name Is Jack – click here to also see the lyrics in the notes.

Taliban, NewsRevue Lyric, 22 May 1997

Back in 1997, the Taliban were not that well known and this story about their behaviour towards women was news in the West. Janie thought the story so awful she found it hard to believe that I could try and write a satirical lyric for NewsRevue about it. This lyric didn’t see the light of day until now.

TALIBAN
(To the Tune of “Carrie Anne”)

 

INTRO – CHORUS OF INFIDELS

Do do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do,
Do do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do,
Hey Taliban, hey Taliban.

VERSE 1 – A BEARDED BELIEVER (POSSIBLY A FEMALE CAST MEMBER)

In Afghanistan our laws are simple,
Men are the warriors, Women are all indoors;
New Shariah courts enforce this curfew,
What’s the attraction in what we’re doing?

CHORUS 1

INFIDELS: Hey Taliban, What’s your game now, Can anybody pray?
BELIEVER: Afghanistan, Let’s face east now, And everybody pray.

VERSE 2 – AN INFIDEL

You were always something special to me,
I got my bone up, You got all stoned up;
I attend the public executions,
Where are our women disappearing?

CHORUS 2

INFIDELS: Hey Taliban, What’s your game now, Can anybody pray?
BELIEVER: Afghanistan, Cover up now, And never show your face.

MIDDLE EIGHT – INFIDELS

(Examining the bearded believer)
You’re so, so unlike a woman to me (unlike a woman to me),
You’re so, so unlike a woman to me (unlike a woman to me).

CHORUS 3

INFIDELS: Hey Taliban, close your girls schools, and hide your girls away?
INFIDELS: Afghanistan, you thought Russia, took liberties away.

OUTRO

ALL: Taliban, be a man, if you can, while Afghan, is Taliban!!

Below is The Hollies performing Carrie Anne:

Click this link to read the lyrics to Carrie Anne.

My Cherie Earns More, NewsRevue Lyric, 22 May 1997

May 1997 saw a landslide victory for New Labour in the general election, which changed the political landscape and also, of course, the satirical landscape too. 

Like many NewsRevue writers, I found it harder to satirise a relatively young, fresh bunch of leaders who were elected in a mood of renewed hope and promised change.

This was my first post 1997 election effort and it ran and ran in the show. I still think it is one of my better efforts.

Just in case any readers are unaware, Tony Blair was the newly elected prime minister at that time. His wife, Cherie Blair (aka Cherie Booth) a highly-successful barrister and latterly QC. 

MY CHERIE EARNS MORE
(To the Tune of “My Cherie Amour”)

INTRO

La la la, la la la;
La la la, la la-la la;

VERSE 1 – TONY

My Cherie earns more,
More than I earn as PM;
My Cherie earns more,
More than all of you could spend;
My Cherie earns more,
Because she is a leading “barristor”;
I am on the right side of the law,
But how I wish she wouldn’t smile.

VERSE 2 – CHERIE

(Cherie smiles as best she can)
In the High Court,
Donning my full robe and wig;
Not a nice thought,
But at least my pay cheque will be big;
Cos Cherie earns more,
Than Tony ever could when he did law,
That’s why he’s the mere Prime “Ministor”,
I can run the show meanwhile.

OUTRO

TONY: Cherie my darling. Who sent you those flowers at six in the morning?
CHERIE: (smiling as best she can) Mind your own fucking business and keep smiling.

Also a 22 July 1997 update version:

MY CHERIE EARNS MORE – BIG HAIR VERSION
(To the Tune of “My Cherie Amour”)

INTRO

La la la, la la la;
La la la, la la-la la;

VERSE 1 – TONY

My Cherie earns more,
More than I earn as PM;
My Cherie earns more,
More than all of you could spend;
My Cherie earns more,
Because she is a leading “barristor”;
I am on the right side of the law,
But how I wish she wouldn’t smile.

VERSE 2 – CHERIE

(Cherie smiles as best she can)
In the High Court,
With my two grand hair cut and white wig;
Not a nice thought,
But at least my pay cheque will be big;
Cos Cherie earns more,
Than Tony ever could when he did law,
That’s why he’s the mere Prime “Ministor”,
I can run the show meanwhile.

OUTRO

TONY: Cherie my darling. Who sent you those flowers at six in the morning?
CHERIE: (smiling as best she can) Mind your own fucking business and keep smiling.
TONY: But Cherie, my sweet. Did you really spend two grand on that haircut?
CHERIE: When you start earning some decent money you can start making some of the purchasing decisions.

Cherie Blair Allan Warren

The following video plays Stevie Wonder singing My Cherie Amour:

A Glass Of Water by Ludmila Petrushevskaya, Orange Tree Room, 17 May 1997

Janie and I noted “not really memorable” by this one not so long after we saw it. It sure doesn’t live in the memory now.

To be fair, we’d seen a lot of cracking theatre around that time, including Out Cry the night before.

It might be the last thing we saw in The Room at the Orange Tree – I think they topped using the room above the pub around that time.

Fortunately the local paper has a little something on it in the Newspapers.com archive.

Hounslow Chronicle Glass Of WaterHounslow Chronicle Glass Of Water 08 May 1997, Thu The Hounslow Chronicle (Hounslow, London, England) Newspapers.com

Out Cry by Tennessee Williams, Lyric Hammersmith, 16 May 1997

This Cheek By Jowl production started at the Everyman in Cheltenham and Northcott Exeter before switching to the Lyric Hammersmith. Janie and I rated this one very good. We must have been very keen to see it as we went to the penultimate performance on a Friday evening (on a weekend when we also went to The Orange Tree on the Saturday), which even for us was a bit excessive.

We are especially partial to Tennessee Williams; while this play is not “major Williams” it was still a gripping theatrical event for us.

Paul Taylor in The Independent was impressed.

Taylor Indy Out CryTaylor Indy Out Cry 25 Apr 1997, Fri The Independent (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Charles Spencer in the Telegraph, on the other hand, hated it.

Spencer Telegraph Out CrySpencer Telegraph Out Cry 29 Apr 1997, Tue The Daily Telegraph (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Michael Billington in The Guardian was equivocal about it.

Billington Guardian Out CryBillington Guardian Out Cry 30 Apr 1997, Wed The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

It certainly went down well in the West Country before it came to London.

Herald Express Out CryHerald Express Out Cry 03 Apr 1997, Thu Herald Express (Torquay, Devon, England) Newspapers.com

Dona Rosita The Spinster by Federico García Lorca, Almeida Theatre, 10 May 1997

We were on quite a roll with our theatre going that spring. We thought this one was very good, as indeed we had consistently said for some time – certainly everything we had seen since our return from the Middle East.

We are both partial to a bit of Lorca, but Dona Rosita is considered to be a difficult Lorca play. This production did the piece proud.

A superb cast for this one, including Celia Imrie, Eleanor Bron, Phoebe Nicholls, Justin Salinger, Amanda Drew, Kerry Shale, Kathryn Hunter (she seemed to be everywhere at that time) with Phyllida Lloyd directing. Here is the Theatricalia entry for this one.

Our friend, Michael Billington, was suitably impressed with it.

Billington Guardian Dona RositaBillington Guardian Dona Rosita 30 Apr 1997, Wed The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Paul taylor in the Indy, similarly lauding it and comparing the piece with high-class Chekhov:

Paul Taylor Indy Dona RositaPaul Taylor Indy Dona Rosita 01 May 1997, Thu The Independent (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Kate Basset in the Telegraph was less keen:

Kate Bassett Telegraph Dona RoistaKate Bassett Telegraph Dona Roista 07 May 1997, Wed The Daily Telegraph (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Not for absolutely everyone, then, but certainly good enough for us!

Everyman by Anon, RSC, The Other Place, 21 April 1997

Very good, surprisingly moving…

…was Janie’s and my verdict on this late-medieval morality play.

Our friend, Michael Billington, was not so sure:

Billington Guardian EverymanBillington Guardian Everyman 16 Nov 1996, Sat The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Unusually, Charles Spencer was more in tune with our thinking on this one:

Spencer Telegraph EverymanSpencer Telegraph Everyman 18 Nov 1996, Mon The Daily Telegraph (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

It was sort-of a Complicite thing. Here is the Theatricalia entry on it.

Nicholas De Jongh in The Standard didn’t much like it either.

De Jongh Standard EverymanDe Jongh Standard Everyman 15 Nov 1996, Fri Evening Standard (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

But we did like it – so there!

Little Eyolf by Henrik Ibsen, RSC, Swan Theatre, 19 April 1997

Janie and I are both partial to a bit of Ibsen and partial to a bit of Stratford-Upon-Avon, so this RSC production of Little Eyolf caught our eye.

A stellar cast and crew, including Robert Glenister, Joanne Pearce and Damian Lewis, directed by Adrian Noble. The Theatricalia entry for this one can be found here.

We rated this production very good, as did our friend Michael Billington in The Guardian:

Billington Guardian EyolfBillington Guardian Eyolf 21 Dec 1996, Sat The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Nicholas De Jongh in The Standard was less sure:

De Jongh Standard EyolfDe Jongh Standard Eyolf 19 Dec 1996, Thu Evening Standard (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com

Charles Spencer in The Telegraph spoke very highly of it:

Spencer Telegraph EyolfSpencer Telegraph Eyolf 20 Dec 1996, Fri The Daily Telegraph (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com