Travel, Theatre, Music, Cricket, Tennis, Writing, Life
LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING
MATTHEW WOOLCOTT AUGUST-SEPTEMBER 1993 RUN
Dear Matthew
I enclose your pack of lyrics and tape for my current offerings. The pack includes some very new ones, the songs currently in the show and some that have been cruelly overlooked before but still have life in them.
Please do call me and let me know if you are short of any subjects or styles and I shall try to oblige. Also, if any of these need a bit of rewrite then do let me know.
See you soon.
Our first Prom together. BBC Prom I’m talking about. And when I say, “together”, that wasn’t just me and Janie – oh no – we also had her mother, Pauline, in tow.
In truth Janie wasn’t too keen on the idea of a “classical concert”, whereas Pauline was a keen music listener.
Still, Janie professed to liking Brandenberg Concertos, so this concert, entirely comprising J S Bach works, including three of the Brandenbergs, seemed a suitable entry point. This, despite my reservations about the Royal Albert Hall as a venue for baroque period music.
Here is a link to the BBC stub for this Prom. The Hanover Band with some cracking soloists: Anthony Robson, Benjamin Hudson, Catherine Latham, Robert Farley, Pavlo Beznosiuk, Rachel Brown, directed by Anthony Halstead.
This is what we heard:
Here is a later recording of The Hanover Band doing Brandenberg 5:
Meirion Bowen in the Guardian rated this Prom highly, while concurring with my view about the unsuitability of baroque music scaled authentically in the Albert Hall:
Hanover Prom Bowen Guardian 04 Aug 1993, Wed The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com
I don’t think I thought all that highly of Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess Of York. Here’s a lyric about her UN envoy role:
FERGIE’S NO UN ENVOY
(To the Tune of “She’s Always A Woman”)
VERSE 1
She can hunt with a gun,
She can ski every day;
She don’t half fuck around,
When she’s in St Tropez;
She can only write books for inane under threes;
She just wants to get rich, Fergie’s no UN envoy to me.
VERSE 2
She is haughty and proud,
She is not very brave, tho’;
She will go to Gorazde,
And to Sarajevo;
She will then sell her memoires for ginormous fees,
She’s a self centred bitch, Fergie’s no goodwill envoy to me.
MIDDLE BIT
Oh – she took care of herself,
When she threw Andrew out,
He was not ready for;
Toes – that she put in her mouth,
When she gave her new man,
Sensual pedicures.
VERSE 3
She’s been spurned by the Queen,
So she’s not bloody goin’;
She won’t join that incompetent oaf,
David Owen;
She is undiplomatic,
But then so is he;
And the worst he can do,
Is split Kosovo too,
They should sack all these envoys swiftly.
Below is a video of Billy Joel singing She’s Always A Woman To Me with the lyrics on the screen:
I submitted a version Two three weeks later, substituting “Johnny Bryan” for “her mew man” in the middle eight. Not sure whether that was on request or just an attempt to make the lyric more useful/informative.
If the previous week had been a bit of a theatre-fest for Janie…
…the following week was a bit of an Ian’s-old-friends-from-Uni-fest for her, as we followed up an evening with Annalisa and Annie with a dinner at my place with Michelle Epstein (then Infield) and Neil Infield.
The diary is silent on what I served. Probably my Chinese specialties but you never know.
I’m sure it was a very pleasant evening.
I think it was the first time that Janie met those two. The next time I think was out in Sussex at their place.
This period of 1993 was “peak Random”, with John perennially, heavily involved in NewsRevue (where he helped to get my comedy writing career going the year before) and also his show Sex In My Anorak, which had played in June.
Then, just a few weeks after “Sex”, a London production of John’s play from the previous year’s Edinburgh Festival, The Orange Penguin.
It had been well received, at least by The Independent it had – click here…
…or if that page goes walkies, try this scrape.
The theatre was a sort-of public hall in Hoxton, near to Annie Bickerstaff’s place. Janie and I went to see this play along with Annalisa and Annie. We all very much enjoyed the play. I think we ended up back at Annie’s place for dinner after the show.
It was my first ever sighting of Brian Jordan, who was known to me because he had taken The Ultimate Love Song to Edinburgh in his show Whoops Vicar, Is That Your Dick? at the same time that John took The Orange Penguin (with Iain Angus Wilkie in the lead).
Anyway, it was a very good evening, our evening in Hoxton seeing The Orange Penguin.
I wonder whether John still has the script and whether he thinks it might be time for a revival?
I don’t remember this one being used in NewsRevue, but neither do I recall it being rejected.
There were lots of songs and sketches about the Prime Minister at that time though and I’m not convinced this was among the best of them. One or two good lines, though.
WHO DO YOU TALK TO JOHN MAJOR
(A Quickie To the Tune of “Where Do You Go To My Lovely”)
VERSE 1
You talk like one of the Daleks,
And you dance like Coco the Clown;
Your clothes are from Marks and Spencer,
And you’ll soon bring this Government down;
(Yes you will).
VERSE 2
You live in a Georgian Terrace,
Down in Whitehall’s Downing Street;
And although you’ve been leader for ages,
You still haven’t quite found your feet;
(Or your brains or your balls).
CHORUS
Who do you talk to John Major,
When your recorder is off?
Swear when reporters surround you,
And then why don’t you just piss off.
Below is a video of Peter Sarstedt singing Where Do You Go To My Lovely with the lyrics on the screen:
No wonder this lyric wasn’t used in a topical show. Writing about it more than 25 years later, March 2019, I’d only need to change a word or two to make it perfectly relevant today.
I might just do that…
THE SNARLING CABBIE
(To the Tune of “The Laughing Policeman”)
VERSE 1
PASSENGER:I know a snarling cabbie,
He really is irate;
He drives around old London town,
And gets into a state.
His black cab cuts up traffic,
He loves to shake his fist;
So people call him wanker,
On account of his firm wrist.
CHORUS 1
TAXI DRIVER:South of London? not this driver,
Now it’s time to pay.
Four pound fifty, change a fiver?
I’ve no change today.
You’ll get coated with saliva,
When I turn and say;
I aint got no sales slips neither,
Get out of me way.
VERSE 2
PASSENGER:Now folk who live in London,
Have had their fill of flack;
They hire the scabs in minicabs,
And not the taxis black.
But people went half round the bend,
Because alas alack;
The mini-cabbies snarl’s as bad,
Cos their trade’s also slack.
CHORUS 2
MINI-CABBIE:Business better? Not in this town,
Cabbing’s now the pits;
Bleedin’ Tories, getting me down,
John Major’s a git.
Had that geezer Paddy Ashdown,
Do a back seat flit;
PASSENGER:I’ll get round by underground and dodge this heap of shit.
The embedded video below has Charles Jolly (Penrose) singing The Laughing Policeman:
If you want to read the lyrics to The Laughing Policeman, click here.
Janie had been on a bit of a theatre-fest that week. Bish Bash Bosh with me on the Thursday…
…The Questors Theatre with her mum on the Friday night (production not named in the diary), while I played bridge with Daniel and friends that night.
Then we both went to see Oleanna on the Saturday – that was a wow evening…
…so Kim & Micky’s early evening party (starting at 5.00) was probably a bit of an antidote to all that.
Was this the one during which Victor gave me and Janie (especially Janie) the benefit of his wisdom about relationships? I have a feeling it was. It went down about as well as the Professor character in Oleanna touching his student on the shoulder. Oh well.
But the party would have been a swinging one, with plenty of people, good food, fine wines and lots of fun. Just the ticket ahead of early starts for both of us on the Monday morning.
These days (he says, writing more than 25 years later), I do most of the running with regard to booking theatre. But back then, Janie was more proactive.
There are notes in her diary from weeks before, working out when this was going to open and when we might be available. Then, for the day itself (as one might now find in my diary) notes on exactly which seats she’d booked (Row J) and how long the play might be (8:00 to 10:10).
For sure I would have been a willing participant in seeing the latest Mamet – I had been a bit of a Mamet fan for years by 1993. David Suchet and Lia Williams? yes please. Harold Pinter directing? just tell me where I need to go and when. Here is a link to the Theatricalia entry.
I remember it being a very good production of an extremely powerful play. Here is a link to the Wikipedia entry on the play.
It was in fact a very controversial play and Mamet had written more than one ending for it. There was much debate in the press.
Below is Michael Billington’s review:
Billington’s Review Of Oleanna Fri, Jul 2, 1993 – 37 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com
Here are links to The Guardian with some fascinating opinions published the following week:
Oleanna Opinions Wed, Jul 7, 1993 – 20 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com
<ore Oleanna Opinions Wed, Jul 7, 1993 – 21 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com
Finally, here is Michael Coveney’s review.
Michael Coveney On Oleanna Sun, Jul 4, 1993 – 56 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com
This was a stunning, unforgettable night at the theatre; Janie and I are privileged to have seen this production.
I have written a short piece about Bish Bash Bosh when I uncovered my submission sheet for that show – no need to repeat myself – click here or below:
On 22 July, Janie joined me and “others” for the opening night. Quite a stalwart was Janie in those days.
Harriet Quirk writes about that opening night on the NewsRevue Facebook group – click here for link:
I remember it well ! Rory Bremner came along to the first show with unfortunately only about 10 other people!…
…so that’s Rory, Janie, me, Harriet and possibly six others. We might be anble to name the whole audience if we put our minds to it. Harriet continues…
We were asked to put on shows at a venue in Willesden by a big Newsrevue fan and after lots of deliberation could only come up with Bish Bash Bosh as a name. Unfortunately it didn’t take off ?
I responded:
The place was a dive if I remember correctly. I must interrogate Janie about it and see what she remembers. I do recall her not liking the place and forming a strong view that Newsrevue wouldn’t work there.
Yup, that’s just about all she remembers.
I wonder whether anyone has the running order for that show. The only artifact that provides more clues I scraped from a comedy collective site some months ago – good job I scraped it because it has now gone. I have thus preserved one of Ivan Shakespeare’s classic songs – The Subsidy Song – for posterity. It was for sure in this Bish Bash Bosh show. Here’s the link again – enjoy.
That sheet confirms the Bish Bash Bosh cast…and what an excellent cast it was – scraped below with spellings/misspellings intact:
Jonathon Linsley, Paul Dietch, Paula Tappenden, Virginie Gilchrist and Una McNulty
