Lunch With My Parents, Royal Garden Hotel Kensington, 18 July 1993

As if a rather disastrous night out to see (half of) Hedda Gabler wasn’t enough for one weekend…

…we were at mine that weekend and were joined at lunchtime by my parents. I’m pretty sure this was the first time Janie met them.

My vague recollection is that this particular gathering went fine and that it was the next time around that mum was rude to Janie and then phoned to apologise as soon as she got home…

…but maybe it was this occasion. Janie is sure the rude incident occurred at my place, but then we might have gathered at my place before or after The Royal Garden.

Sunday lunch at The Royal Garden was a good choice for my folks. It was always a buffet, each week on a different theme. Janie and I eschew such things now, but in those days lots of our friends liked them and for big/fussy eaters such as dad and mum (respectively), such buffets were a good idea. Dad could always indulge himself and mum could always find at least something she liked.

Mum and Dad 15 years earlier – they were in colour by 1993

Hedda Gabler by Henrik Ibsen, Holland Park, 17 July 1993

There’s nothing like a good production of an Ibsen play…

…and this was nothing like a good production of an Ibsen play.

It seemed like such a good idea at the time.

Janie and I had not yet seen any Ibsen play together and Janie had never seen Hedda Gabler and it was summer and the idea of theatre in the park sounded lovely.

As it happens, I had seen a very good Hedda (Lindsay Duncan) at Hampstead a few years earlier, but I thought I could never get too much Hedda.

My log simply says:

It was so poor we walked at half time

This might have been the first time Janie and I “walked” together at half time.

On reminding Janie recently (December 2019) about this particular evening she simply said:

OMG it was dreadful

In truth, Janie and I had a tough search for a truly good Hedda. Richmond Theatre (previewing a West End Francesca Annis Hedda) in 1999 was a bit of a staid production. It wasn’t until 2005, Richard Eyre’s production at the Almeida (Eve Best as Hedda) that I thought Janie had seen a good enough production to be able to claim that we had both done Hedda.

So I’ve done four Heddas…in fact I think I might have seen a small town Hedda in my student days, making it five. As Judge Brack puts it:

Good God – people don’t do such things.

Do You Know the Way To St Tropez, NewsRevue Lyric, 12 July 1993

This summertime special has a perennial quality to it, but I think it wasn’t much if at all used by NewsRevue; perhaps for that very reason.

I rather like it still and think it has some timely and reflective relevance in these #MeToo times – he says writing in October 2018.

DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO ST TROPEZ?

(To the Tune of “Do You Know The Way To San Jose?”)

 

Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo, wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo;

VERSE 1 – GOLD DIGGERS OF 1993

Do you know the way to St Tropez,

We hope to find that France, gives us a chance to score today.

Do you know the way to St Tropez,

We’re going out to find, some rich gold mine in St Tropez.

MIDDLE BIT 1 – STILL THE GOLD DIGGERS

Juan is a great big freebie,

Find a wealthy guy and fly to Cannes,

In a week maybe two you’ll have a sun tan,

And some melanoma on the way;

And all the Sloanes are on their yachts,

And cruising gently round the bay.

 

VERSE 2 – LES FRENCH LADS

We were born and raised in St Tropez,

We’ve got a lot of cash, we’ll make a splash and have our way.

We can both get laid in St Tropez,

We find that English chicks, all want some kicks on holiday.

 

MIDDLE BIT 2 – ENCORE LES FRENCH LADS

We attract them like a magnet,

Screw a hundred, OK maybe ten,

They believe that we all are French noblemen,

When they learn the truth they will be sad;

The only count inside our pad,

Is counting all the girls we’ve had.

 

OUTRO

LES GIRLS:We both made a wrap in St Tropez,

Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo;

LES LADS:We both caught the clap in St Tropez,

Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo;

We both blew the works in St Tropez, (revealing empty pockets)

Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo;

LES GIRLS:We sponged off these burks in St Tropez,

Wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo wo;

ALL:Wo.

Here is a video of Dionne Warwick singing Do You Know the Way To San Jose…

…while the following one also shows you the lyrics to that fine Hal David & Bert Bacharach song:

The Inadequacy Of Socialist Endeavour, NewsRevue Lyric, 12 July 1993

Writing in March 2019, it is strange to recall that sense we had in the early 1990s that somehow the Labour Party was conspiring with itself to avoid ever returning to power. That emotion seems so very late 2010’s.

In 2019, the irony of my mentioning the newborn UNISON in this 1993 song is not wasted on me either, as my working life has got me so very close to that organisation these last 20 years or so.

There is irony that I hope goes unwasted in my choice of Brecht/Weill music for this lyric. But then what would an ethnically-challenged dude like me know of irony, I can almost hear Jeremy Corbyn cry?

Anyway, here’s the lyric:

THE INADEQUACY OF SOCIALIST ENDEAVOUR


(To the Tune of “The Inadequacy Of Human Endeavour”)
 
VERSE 1
 
The Labour Party’s not,
About to stop the rot,
We always seem to top the polls but still win not a lot.
Every by-election,
Seems to go the Liberals way,
When will we Socialists find,
Something new to say?
 
VERSE 2
 
Trades unions main whim,
Is keeping Labour’s vim,
They merge to form a big block vote and longer acronym.
COHSE, NUPE, NALGO,
Now all work in UNISON;
Even tho’ six months ago,
None of them got on.
 
VERSE 3
 
The Tories reach nadirs,
With frauds and sexual smears,
But Labour still has failed to win for nearly twenty years.
Smith and Margaret Beckett,
Are an unattractive pair;
No-one believes the rumours,
About their affair.
 
VERSE 4
 
Now we’re more like the right,
We’ll get out of our plight,
The people will trust us again and then we’ll win the fight.
Cuts and lower taxes,
Claw back benefits we paid ‘ya;
Soon all the woolly lefties,
Will vote for John Major.

Here is a link to the song Das Lied von der Unzulänglichkeit des menschlichen Strebens, sung by Bertold Brecht himself, with the lyrics underneath. Or, if you just want to hear the song and see what Brecht looked like, click the embedded link below.

If you want an English translation of the lyrics, The Inadequacy (or Insufficiency) Of Human Endeavour, click here.

Dinner At John & Mandy’s Place, 10 July 1993

The diaries are consistent on this – Saturday evening dinner at John & Mandy’s place (Dangan Road, Wanstead).

I think we went for a walk around the area before dinner on that occasion, as it was our first visit to that house and the days are long at that time of year. I remmeber doing that walk in the light.

We had a very good meal, although in truth I cannot describe exactly what we ate. I’m guessing that John cooked something with a southern asian theme, but not too hot and spicy because he knew that Janie doesn’t go for very spicy food.

I think it is fair to say that we probably drank some good wine too and I know that we did all enjoy the evening, as was our wont on those occasions when we four got together for meaks back then…and still, 26+ years later.

I wonder whether John remembers any details.

Dinner With Phillie, Charlie & Others, But Where?, 3 July 1993

Janie’s diary says that Phillie [& Charlie] arrived on the Friday (2 July) and that Janie and I stayed at my palce that night. I’m guessing that the previous visit at Easter all squeezing into Sandall Clsoe had made that idea fall from favour. There was no need, given my flat’s proximity.

Janie’s diary says 6:45 at Restaurant “arrange three taxis”, so I am guessing that Pauline joined us as well.

But no clues as to the location.

It might have been North China again – I think we did all go there more than once and that location would have seemed ideal for triangulating those three addresses.

Michael Mates, NewsRevue Lyric, 2 July 1993

I even had to look up Michael Mates, writing over 25 years later in March 2019, to remind myself about him. He was a Tory MP. But why I thought he was lyric-worthy in 1993 is a bit of a mystery to me, other than the link with Asil Nadir alluded to in the lyric. I don’t think this piece was used in the show.

MICHAEL MATES

(To the Tune of “My Old Man Said Follow The Van”)
 
 
OPENING BIT
 
Michael Mates,
Brought on mass debates,
And caused lots of ‘asil on the way;
Off went Nadir with ‘is wrist watch tickin’,
John Major wished that Mates had gone with ‘im.
 
MIDDLE BIT
 
John dillied and dallied,
Dallied and dillied,
Changed ‘is mind, u-turned, gave Mates the sack.
 
CLOSING BIT
 
But they can’t judge the special Serious Fraud Office,
‘Cos Nadir ain’t coming back.

Here’s Marie Lloyd singing “My Old Man Said ‘Follow The Van!'”, with the lyrics on the screen. The chorus arrives after about 40 seconds:

I’m The Leader Of the Tory Gang, NewsRevue Lyric, 28 June 1993

I must have had glam rock on the brain that summer, as my previous “piece”, a week or so earlier, was also glam:

Anyway, here is the Tory Gang lyric, which I don’t think was used, but it might have been – I’m realising from my submission sheets that quite a lot of lyrics that I don’t recall seeing used actually were used.

Postscript: yes, this one was used as evidenced by the next submission sheet.

I’M THE LEADER OF THE TORY GANG

(To the Tune of “I’m the Leader of the Gang I Am”)
 
INTRO (The Chorus come on to the stage – John Major Doesn’t)
 
VOICEOVER: And now the Prime Minister, John Major, will come on to explain his new decisive policy towards ministerial appointments and dismissals.
 
CHORUS:Come on come on, come on come on, come on come on come on;
MAJOR:No way.
CHORUS:Come on come on, come on come on, come on come on come on;
MAJOR:(Enters) Oh all right;
 
MAIN BIT (The voice is Major, the visual is “Glitterati”)
 
MAJOR:I’m gonna stand beside you, guide you chide you;
I’m gonna stand beside you;
CHORUS:Oh no!
MAJOR:Although I tried to guard you, far too hard to;
And so I shall discard you…. (oh yes)
I’m the leader, and the weeder,
I’m the leader of the Tory gang;
I’m the leader and the media,
Says my conscience never feels a pang.
 
MIDDLE BIT
 
MAJOR:I can hire you, show me your flair, no one calls me square;
I can fire you, I have no soul, soon your head may roll.
I shuffled out Norman,
CHORUS:Lamont Lamont;
MAJOR:And may throw out more men,
CHORUS:You won’t you won’t;
MAJOR:So now I’m not boring
CHORUS:You are you are.
 
CLIMAX (the Chorus moves in on Major)
 
MAJOR: Ja wanna be a Tory gory story,
Or are you after glory?
CHORUS:Oh yes.
MAJOR:Why are you getting nearer, steer-a, clearer,
You’re making me feel queerer;
CHORUS:Oh yes.
MAJOR:Why don’t you three go draft a, dafter, charter?
Just tell me what you’re after,
CHORUS:RESIGN!!
 

Trigger warning: The song “I’m The Leader Of The Gang (I Am!)” was a big hit for Gary Glitter, later thoroughly disgraced as a child abuser. But in 1973 he was top of the pops. You don’t have to click the video if you don’t want to; I cannot really watch this material any more:

You can read the lyrics of “I’m The Leader Of the Gang (I Am!) by clicking here.

Another Dinner Party, Another Long Weekend, 24 to 27 June 1993

According to Janie’s diary, she came to the Canal Cafe with me on the Thursday evening (24th) to see NewsRevue.

We’d both booked the Friday out, so my guess is that the idea was to sort out the food for Saturday’s dinner party together on the Friday.

Janie’s order is written on the Friday page and is Lebanese food, so this party will have been a smaller scale version of the New Years do a few months earlier:

We’ll have gone to Mrs Saad’s place in Notting Hill/North Kernsington together to place the order – and what an order for six people. My guess is that this was one of those occasions when Janie and I ended up eating Lebanese left-overs for a week afterwards…

…worse things can happen.

Look at the order/notes:

The veal and pork mixed mince is my prescription for cha chiang. Did we serve the odd Chinese dish as well? Or perhaps the deal was that I would cook a noce meal on the Friday ahead of the party-style feast on Saturday.

It was Janie’s birthday after all – our first of those together.

Janie’s diary also mentions Jill the aromatherapist visiting us at the house on the afternoon of her birthday/birthday bash.

In those days, I was seeing John Chaney at Lampton Place for massage during the week.

The visit from Jill (Wootton) was probably the first time Janie and I had a massage-type therapy treatment together.

Bless.

We both remember Jill moving away and giving up maassage/aromatherapy quite soon after we started working with her. It seems that Jill is now (2019/2023) a hypnotherapist and psychotherapist instead.

As for the dinner party; it is clear that we got Mrs Saad to deliver the food and I am pretty sure it is safe to say that the evening was a great success.

Looks like a lot of food – that can’t have been just for six of us. I’ll guess that the guest numbers went up without additional names being written down.

Bish Bash Bosh NewsRevue Submission, 20 June 1993

That summer, NewsRevue attempted to spread beyond its Canal Cafe (Little Venice) and Edinburgh roots by trying an additional venue, named Bish Bash Bosh, in Willesden Green.

My submission, below, is addressed to Keith (presumably Keith Wickham). I’m not sure how many of these he used – from memory perhaps two or three.

Googling Bish Bash Bosh Willesden reveals only the following relevant piece, click here, which brings back many happy and bittersweet memories of Ivan Shakespeare’s very best work. It also confirms my memories of where Bish Bash Bosh was. If by chance anything goes awry with that link, I have scraped Ivan’s classic to here.

Willesden Green stn building north

Anyway, here is my June 1993 submission:

LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING

BISH BASH BOSH STARTER PACK
 
Dear Keith
 
I enclose your fun pack of lyrics and tape.  The pack includes some current ones and some golden oldies.  Note the huge spread of music ranging from the 1930s to the 1990s, pausing only occasionally in the good old 70s.
 
Please let me know if there are any others that you can remember that you want.  I have tried to choose the better ones.
 
See you soon.