Tag: Alleyn’s

Going Steady With A Girl, Her Name Is Julie, November-December 1978

A couple of recent happenings and one imminent happening at the time of writing, mid-October 2017, triggered this early romance memory and some musical connections.

The imminent thing is the pilot of a new piece on Halloween Night 2017 (I don’t think we should read anything into the date) by my old school friend, Rohan Candappa. Rohan describes his nascent piece thus:

What I’m going to perform is a show called ‘What Listening To 10,000 Love Songs Has taught Me About Love’. It’s an exploration of love, and music, and how the two intertwine. it’s also about how our lives have a soundtrack. And how the songs on that soundtrack can both contain and convey so much meaning, so much of who we are.

As it happens, a few months ago (April 2017), Rohan gave me permission to publish a written “party piece” of his here on Ogblog, which I suspect has some of the emerging themes for his performance piece. Here is a link to my cover note and link to Rohan’s (well worth a read) piece, which includes links to several of my own “party pieces” and some music links.

In one of my party pieces, describing my November 1978 party, I alluded to my progression, at that very party, from random tonsil hockey player to a somewhat steadier approach to romance.

Julie was the first person I described as my girlfriend and with whom I described myself as “going steady”. This comparatively deep and meaningful relationship lasted a full five weeks, possibly even slightly longer. So this was a really serious relationship, until it all started going awry, at the post Twelfth Night party at Alleyn’s School just before Christmas – reported on Ogblog here.

The other recent event which helped conjured up these vivid 1978 memories is more obscure. Janie and I have been listening to John Shuttleworth’s Lounge Music on Radio 4 / iPlayer. It is very silly, but Janie and I enjoy the nonsense and of course novelty/comedy music has been very much my thing since I was a youngster. I only recently discovered the fact that John Shuttleworth is the alter-ego of Graham Fellows, who first found fame as Jilted John, back in that very same autumn of 1978.

I was relentlessly teased at the time by friends who knew I was “going steady” with “a girl, her name is Julie…” with excerpts from both sides of the Jilted John record.

Now look, I must be fair on my old friends from Streatham BBYO (the youth club where Julie and I hung out in those days) and my old friends from Alleyn’s School. If one of my pals had been following, almost word for word, the trajectory of Jilted John’s hapless romances, I’d have been up there leading the teasing myself.

But the upshot is, when I look back on the soundtrack of that first steady romance of mine, the only music I can truly connect with it is that Jilted John record.

Perhaps that Jilted John record really is an “exploration of love, and music, and how the two intertwine”?

Or perhaps in my case it “contains and conveys so much meaning, so much of who I am.”

If so, oh dear.

Anyway, try both sides of the record; I must admit to enjoying hearing both again after all this time.

Parenthetically, I’m sure I can hear the riff from the 1980 classic, “Stand Down Margaret” by The Beat in “Going Steady”. Stand Down Margaret has its own place in my life’s soundtrack, a little bit later in my young life, from the University days.

Also parenthetically, Going Steady was originally the A-Side of the record…

…but the Jilted John side went down better on radio play and became the A-side. The “Julie” story is within the better known side of the record – Jilted John:

The Double Dealer by William Congreve, Olivier Theatre, 12 October 1978

What a memorable day and special event; a group of us from Alleyn’s School saw The Double Dealer at the Olivier Theatre, having earlier been given a backstage tour of the National and a few weeks before before that been given the opportunity to “workshop” some of the scenes from The Double Dealer with National Theatre understudies and assistant directors.

Yet, so many years on, I struggled to remember much detail about the day of the theatre visit itself. My diary is not much help:

Thursday: Went to Curtain Theatre – Hillel House – Olivier Theatre. Great day.

So there you have it. Great day. What else would I need to write down? After all, it was such a memorable day I would remember every intricate detail – right? Wrong.

I am writing this Ogblog piece on 12 December 2018, the morning before I shall see The Double Dealer again, for the first time in over 40 years. I might recover some more memories of this 1978 day while watching at the Orange Tree Theatre, but I doubt it. 

So I decided to “shout out” to my old school mates yesterday, hoping that some would chip in with memories of their own. That proved to be a good shout. Here’s Simon Ryan – who in fact shared lots of memories of our Lower 6th drama course – several of which will pop up in other Ogblog pieces in the fullness of time:

The trip to the National Theatre was a Thursday afternoon matinee at the National Theatre’s Olivier Theatre. Dorothy Tutin had a lead role. The supporting actors from the afternoon’s main show, included Gawn Grainger and Glyn Grain (Duncan Foord and I laughed at them rather than with them, I remember).

It was most definitely part of the Drama AO level course run by Mike Lempriere.

Can’t remember the details about other schools attending.

I remember Dan O’Neill knew the guy who gave us the backstage tour and relayed to us that he needed us to give him a favourable review to help him out. (Dan O’Neill’s elder brother, Hugh and the guy who ran the Bear Pit whose name eludes me, (Stephen Fry? ) but who looked rather like a Restoration fop with long curly black hair, both worked at the NT which is why he had an inside track.

I thought that Simon meant John Fry (not Stephen). John was the Journeyman in the Bear Pit’s production Andorra with us earlier that yearand no doubt went on to further Bear Pit glories later. I didn’t recall the foppish hair…probably because Simon was thinking of Tom Fry. Robert Kelly recalls:

The Bear Pit guy was Tom Fry (not Stephen Fry) and he had a younger brother John… Tom Fry was just as you describe, I thought he was the coolest thing I had ever seen when I first saw him. In fact he may still be…

It is interesting that Simon particularly remembers Dorothy Tutin‘s role. I did remember that, but I particularly remember the production for Ralph Richardson, not least because my parents went on and on about it being such an honour for me to see Ralph Richardson perform on the stage, albeit in his dotage.

Coincidentally, I have recently come across Ralph Richardson in a different context; one of the tennis professionals at Lord’s pointed out to me the similarity between my real tennis bag and that of Sir Ralph’s as exhibited in the main reception at Lord’s: 

Sir Ralph’s kit. The legend with the exhibit reads, “…Although not a very gifted player, Sir Ralph was a devotee of real tennis…”
My kit. Mercifully, no legend provided with my exhibit. 

But I digress. My point really is…what a cast! I mean, yes I know I am about to shout, WHAT A CAST!

The Theatricalia entry, with cast and crew for this production of The Double Dealer, can be found here.

Here are just some of the names (beyond Dorothy Tutin and Ralph Richardson) from the cast list who, in my view, either were or went on to be stars of stage and screen:

  • Nicky Henson
  • Dermot Crowley
  • Judi Bowker
  • Brenda Blethyn
  • Sara Kestelman
  • Robert Stephens
  • Michael Bryant
  • Janet Whiteside

Naturally, I am unable to assess how good a production or collection of performances that really was – it was the first time I had seen a major production of anything. I was completely star struck and stage struck by the whole experience. I thought it was simply the most amazing thing I had ever seen on the stage. Frankly, at that time, it unquestionably was. I guess I would be still be thrilled by that production if I could see it now.

Here’s Jerry Moore, talking about the Drama course generally as well as his memory of that particular outing:

It was an enjoyable course and really developed my enthusiasm for the theatre. Mike [Lempriere] was an excellent teacher but I remember he didn’t like Dorothy Tutin.

Funnily enough, I remember being disappointed with Dorothy Tutin too – but perhaps I was simply absorbing what my drama teacher had said and reflecting it as my own opinion. Anyway, what did we know? Dorothy Tutin picked up an Olivier Award that year for that performance.

The other thing I have done, prior to seeing the play again in December 2018, is actually read the whole play, for the first time.

What a simple, singular, linear plot. Just hints of subplot – Lady Pliant’s intrigues (although they are all connected to the main plot) and the parenthetic dalliance between Brisk and Lady Froth – with which I had so much fun a few weeks earlier at the rehearsal rooms. But oh so simple a storyline for a play of that period.

Congreve recognises the simplicity in his (typically late 17th Century style) self-effacing dedication. To be fair, he was only 24 when he wrote this play and I think I can see signs of greater things to come.

Here is a link to the full text of the play from Project Gutenberg – free and available to all.

The music in the 1978 production was a new score by Harrison Birtwistle. I cannot find a source for that, but here is the overture from original score, by Henry Purcell:

I’d love to hear more memories and recollections, either from people who were part of our school party or indeed anyone else who remembers this production.

To echo Jerry Moore’s words, this was one of the main events that forged my lifelong enthusiasm for and love of the theatre. I realise that I was incredibly privileged to be allowed this experience and shall always be grateful for it.

Working With National Theatre Cast And Crew “Workshopping” Extracts From The Double Dealer, Curtain Theatre, 22 September 1978

A simply wonderful experience through the school, spread over two dates. In October we had a backstage tour at the National Theatre and then saw a matinee of The Double Dealer at the Olivier Theatre.

But firstly, on this September day, several of us visited the Curtain Theatre, a place the National Theatre must have been using as rehearsal space at that time, where we had the opportunity to work with understudies and assistant directors, “workshopping” some scenes from The Double Dealer.

Friday: Went to Curtain theatre (acted through restoration) Fantastic time there

That’s all the kid wrote, folks. And so far (writing more than 40 years later, 12 December 2018), my shout out to my fellow pupils has drawn a blank on this element of the experience, but has confirmed that this experience was part of a Drama AO level course several of us were taking with Michael (Mike) Lempriere.

I have a strong recollection of girls from another school (I think Mary Datchelor? or was it St Martins Girls?… no, I remember now… it was Grey Coat Hospital School) being involved on that initial workshop day. The actors/understudies, who were getting us to workshop bits of the play, were trying to get us (and to some extent succeeding in getting us) flirting in a Restoration style, mostly by telling the boys that the girls really did fancy them and vice versa. 

I was allocated the part of Brisk in a fairly short scene (a minor subplot in an otherwise fairly linear play) in which Brisk reveals his (formerly only faintly disguised) passion towards Lady Froth and finds that the physical attraction is reciprocated.

I shall attempt to replicate below the dialogue between a 16-year-old me (at that time only fairly recently acquainted with the physical pleasures of tonsil-hockey and fumbling with girls in the real world) and the actor who was helping me with my costume and preparing me / egging me on, before I tried out the scene with the mystery girl from another school.

ACTOR: Have you noticed the way she’s been looking at you all morning?

ME: No?

ACTOR: I think she must really fancy you.

ME: I don’t think so?

ACTOR: Oh yes, I really do think so. Anyway, she’s a lovely looking girl.

ME: Do you think so?

ACTOR: Oh yes, a buxom wench with a touch of the gypsy about her if I’m not at all mistaken. You should have some fun acting out this scene with her…

I mean, honestly, if the political correctness and #MeToo movements got hold of this stuff, all the institutions and individuals involved would have a lot of explaining to do.

Here is the scene I acted out with the mystery school girl, who was doubtless being egged on by her actress/dresser as much as I was. The extract below is extracted from and linked to the Project Gutenberg version of the play; a project which I commend to anyone who wants to retrieve and read out of copyright texts for free:

SCENE VI.
[To him] Lady Froth.
BRISK [Sings, walking about.]  ‘I’m sick with love,’ ha, ha, ha, ‘prithee, come cure me.  I’m sick with,’ etc.  O ye powers!  O my Lady Froth, my Lady Froth, my Lady Froth!  Heigho!  Break heart; gods, I thank you.  [Stands musing with his arms across.]
LADY FROTH.  O heavens, Mr. Brisk!  What’s the matter?
BRISK.  My Lady Froth!  Your ladyship’s most humble servant.  The matter, madam?  Nothing, madam, nothing at all, egad.  I was fallen into the most agreeable amusement in the whole province of contemplation: that’s all—(I’ll seem to conceal my passion, and that will look like respect.)  [Aside.]
LADY FROTH.  Bless me, why did you call out upon me so loud?
BRISK.  O Lord, I, madam!  I beseech your ladyship—when?
LADY FROTH.  Just now as I came in, bless me, why, don’t you know it?
BRISK.  Not I, let me perish.  But did I?  Strange!  I confess your ladyship was in my thoughts; and I was in a sort of dream that did in a manner represent a very pleasing object to my imagination, but—but did I indeed?—To see how love and murder will out.  But did I really name my Lady Froth?
LADY FROTH.  Three times aloud, as I love letters.  But did you talk of love?  O Parnassus!  Who would have thought Mr. Brisk could have been in love, ha, ha, ha.  O heavens, I thought you could have no mistress but the Nine Muses.
BRISK.  No more I have, egad, for I adore ’em all in your ladyship.  Let me perish, I don’t know whether to be splenetic, or airy upon’t; the deuce take me if I can tell whether I am glad or sorry that your ladyship has made the discovery.
LADY FROTH.  O be merry by all means.  Prince Volscius in love!  Ha, ha, ha.
BRISK.  O barbarous, to turn me into ridicule!  Yet, ha, ha, ha.  The deuce take me, I can’t help laughing myself, ha, ha, ha; yet by heavens, I have a violent passion for your ladyship, seriously.
LADY FROTH.  Seriously?  Ha, ha, ha.
BRISK.  Seriously, ha, ha, ha.  Gad I have, for all I laugh.
LADY FROTH.  Ha, ha, ha!  What d’ye think I laugh at?  Ha, ha, ha.
BRISK.  Me, egad, ha, ha.
LADY FROTH.  No, the deuce take me if I don’t laugh at myself; for hang me if I have not a violent passion for Mr. Brisk, ha, ha, ha.
BRISK.  Seriously?
LADY FROTH.  Seriously, ha, ha, ha.
BRISK.  That’s well enough; let me perish, ha, ha, ha.  O miraculous; what a happy discovery.  Ah my dear charming Lady Froth!
LADY FROTH.  Oh my adored Mr. Brisk!  [Embrace.]

It was fun and I recall rather well what the good-looking girl looked like. I also recall that she and I had a friendly conversation afterwards, got on quite well, but I think we both realised that the play was the thing and we didn’t actually fancy each other. Predictably hilarious results averted, no thanks to the mischievous National Theatre team.

In my case, it was probably as much a useful lesson for my next real world teenage wooing experience (which was becoming a more regular feature of my leisure time by that time) as it was a lesson in how to act.

Sadly, I cannot find any information online regarding the “modern” Curtain Theatre – i.e. the place that the National was using as rehearsal space in the late 1970s. Nothing to do with the Tudor/Jacobean period Curtain Theatre. Perhaps someone who knows about it will stumble across this piece and fill in some details.

One other extraordinary thing (to me) that I have discovered about this day, is when it happened. Because according to the Theatricalia entry for the National Theatre production of The Double Dealer, 22 September 1978 was the first preview night for the production.

It seems to me extraordinary that the National Theatre made so much resource available on the day of the opening night for a bunch of schoolkids from a couple of South London schools. Perhaps this was due to the connections that Alleyn’s had or perhaps that was the way of things – by opening night a lot of people had completed their role with the main cast and could move on to sub-projects such as trying to make sixteen-year-old boys and girls even friskier with each other than they would have been without help.

It really was a most memorable day and it made the subsequent experience – seeing The Double Dealer, including Nicky Henson and Brenda Blethyn act out the scene I had worked on a few week’s earlier – all the more special and thrilling. 

The Double Dealer by William Congreve, Olivier Theatre, 12 October 1978

I already had the drama bug to some extent, of course, but this was one of the main experiences that cemented my lifelong enthusiasm for and love of the theatre.

An Unusual French Lesson, Alleyn’s School, c5 June 1978

I had a strange Alleyn’s School memory flash this morning (26 April 2017) while walking between meetings.

It must have been triggered by a conversation over the weekend in which a French gentleman named Bertrand was mentioned. I started to refer to the gentleman as Plastic Bertrand, unwittingly. (Yes, I know Plastic Bertrand is Belgian).

Then the memory flash. Summer 1978. A few weeks before our French ‘O’ level.

Our French teacher, the late lamented Trevor Tindale, had clearly become aware that the song “Ça plane pour moi” by Plastic Bertrand was riding high in the pop charts.

Naturally our ‘O’ level chances would be enhanced if we understood the idioms in the lyrics of that song. Also our grades might be enhanced if we thought carefully about improving the lyrics’ dodgy grammar and Franglais.

So we spent a few minutes in class deconstructing Ça plane pour moi.

Please don’t quiz me now on all the nuances of all the words and phrases. I don’t want to shame other less able students.

But still I should in all modesty report that I’m pretty sure I still know what “wham, bam, mon chat splatch” means. I can also make a pretty good fist of translating, “you are the king of the divan”.

I’m guessing c5 June 1978, as the song didn’t reach the top 10 until the preceding (half term) week and I’m fairly sure Trevor didn’t lighten the tone of the class this way just before the ‘O’ level.

If anyone else remembers this happening, I’d love to read some comments on it.

To jog memories further, here is a video of Plastic Bertrand singing the song with the lyrics all over the screen:

 

Andorra, 23, 24 & 25 February 1978

I got involved with “proper drama” at Alleyn’s for a couple of productions. Andorra by Max Frisch was the first of them, when I was just 15.  Here are my diary extracts.

The first block, from January, shows little emotion or detail at having got a decent part in a Bear Pit production:

Friday 13 January 1978, Got a talking part in the school play – I’m the innkeeper – V pleased,

16 January 1978, should have rehearsed – cancelled,

17 January 1978, first Andorra rehearsal,

20 January 1978, rehearsed for Andorra, 23 January 1978, rehearsed for Andorra,

24 January 1978 Andorra rehearsal,

26 January 1978, rehearsed for Andorra,

27 January 1978, rehearsed for Andorra,

30 January 1978, rehearsed for Andorra,

31 January 1978, Andorra rehearsal.

Two weeks in, by the start of February, I’m a critic as well as a performer.  Didn’t I know about hubris?  I was way overconfident anyway – “perfected” is not a term I would ever use now:

Thursday 02 February 1978, rehearsed for Andorra – OK,

03 February 1978, rehearsed for Andorra – OK,

05 February 1978, first Sunday rehearsal for Andorra – not bad,

06 February 1978, rehearsed for Andorra,

07 February 1978, Andorra rehearsal – good,

09 February 1978, rehearsed for Andorra – good – seems to be OK,

10 February 1978, rehearsed in evening for Andorra,

12 February 1978 rehearsal for Andorra in afternoon – a good one,

13 February 1978, rehearsed for Andorra – not bad,

14 February 1978, scene 11 of Andorra perfected.

Matters were bound to take a turn for the worse after that and so they did:

Friday 15 February 1978, Dennis [Galvin] rushed to hospital last night with colitis – Mick Lemp [Michael Lempriere] has taken over,

16 February 1978, rehearsed for Andorra – not bad rehearsal but still looks poor,

17 February 1978, field day and rehearsal,

19 February 1978, rehearsal cancelled as Mick Lemp visits relatives in Exeter,

20 February 1978, Mick stuck in snowdrift, Dan [Shindler] in bed with flu, disaster for play,

21 February 1978, Rehearsed all day for Andorra – Mick & Dan & Den all absent,

22 February 1978, flop dress rehearsal this evening – does not look good.

But the show had to go on:

Thursday 23 February 1978, Yesterday’s flop dress rehearsal lead to an almost empty house [tonight] watching a great performance,

24 February 1978, 2nd night of Andorra – even better than last night – 3/4 house – enjoyed it,

25 February 1978, Last night of Andorra – 7/8 house – performance good – party afterwards – got drunk.

I suffered more than my fair share of embarrassment on the last two nights – written up and available by clicking here or through the link below:

Andorra Embarrassment Story, 24 February 1978

With thanks to Mike Jones, who rescued a copy of the programme, here are scans of the pages:

Andorra CoverAndorra CastAndorra Bear Pit Production TeamAndorra PreambleAndorra Acknowledgements

 

Andorra Embarrassment Story, 24 February 1978

The story of my selection, hubris, decline, fall and this production of Andorra’s resurrection can be seen by clicking here or below:

Andorra, 23, 24 & 25 February 1978

I’m pretty sure my parents came to see Andorra on the middle (Friday) night of the run. And I’m fairly sure the following dialogue (or something like it) took place on the drive home after the show.

MUM: I wasn’t very impressed by some of your school chums in the audience behind us.

ME: What happened, Mum?

MUM: Well, during the interval one of them said to his pals, “I’m looking forward to the bit where Harris has to run around the stage yelling ‘I’m not a Jew, I’m not a Jew.”  Then they were giggling.  I wasn’t going to let that pass without comment.

ME: Oh, God, Mum, what did you say to them?

MUM: I turned around and asked them why that was so funny.  One of the boys explained, “because Harris is a Jew.  But he has to run around the stage saying “I’m, not a Jew”.  Then the boys giggled some more.

ME: …and then…

MUM: I said, “I’m well aware of all that.  I’m his mother and I’ve helped him to learn his lines.  I’m just trying to understand what makes it funny.”  They went very quiet after that.

ME: Oh, Mum.  I’m going to get mercilessly teased on Monday when I get back to school.  Or worse.  Why couldn’t you just let it go?

DAD: I knew it.  I could have told you he’d be upset.

To be fair on the poor boys involved (and I do wonder who they might have been – any confessions?) it was an ironic, rather funny matter.  Indeed, with the benefit of hindsight, my casting in the role of the Innkeeper might well have been based more on my physiognomy than my stagecraft.  In any case, we cast had all had a bit of a laugh about the irony of me yelling “I’m not a Jew” during rehearsals and I saw little malice in the remarks as reported by my mum.

But to be fair on my mum, although I did get some serious ribbing on the Monday (as recorded in my diary), it was not at all to do with my mother’s intervention.  Indeed the poor boys who got my mother’s tongue-lashing were probably more embarrassed than I was about that matter.

No-one would relish a tongue lashing from my mum. Cruel spectacles and cut glass voice to go with them.

No, the ribbing I received resulted from reports of my drunkenness at the after show party on the Saturday.

As to the exact details of my ribbing-inducing party antics, I recall very little.  I do remember drinking far too much cheap party cider – a once-in-a-lifetime mistake (drinking cheap cider, not the occasional over-drinking).  I think the party was at Tiggy’s house, mostly in a rather large garage/out-house.  Or am I am confusing the Andorra party with the Twelfth Night party?…

…on reflection the Twelfth Night one, which was differently embarrassing, was held at the school, in the dining room if I recall correctly.

Twelfth Night, The Aftermath, 17 December 1978

Others who were a bit older (I was only 15-and-a-half) and a bit wiser (almost everyone else who was there) might recall the Andorra after show party better.

Still, my mother’s parental intervention was a pretty cringe-making one.

Oh mum!

Is This The Real Life? Is This Just Fantasy? – The End Of Christmas Term 1975/76 At Alleyn’s, Including The Demise Of Headmaster John Fanner

I have only an impressionistic memory of the shock that ran through Alleyn’s School on that day in mid December 1975, when we were told, I’m pretty sure it was in Assembly, that our headmaster, John Fanner, had died. It was sudden and unexpected – he had gone into hospital for a seemingly routine operation.

My diary entry for that day is a little strange. Written in ink at a time when I was mostly writing the diary in pencil. A couple of question marks as well:

Tuesday, 16 December 1975 Mr Fanner died yesterday. TV Invisible Man, Are You Being Served? Gym?

Are You Being Served? – with a question mark – is the correct title for that programme. But “Gym?” for the International Gymnastics that followed it feels like a discombobulated diary entry, perhaps not really remembering the extent to which I watched those programmes.

I didn’t know Mr Fanner well. In fact, my only other diary mentions of him are in the first month of my “career” as a diarist, January 1974, when I was relieved of my travel money by a local rough (probably a Billy Biro) on the way to school and was sent to the Headmaster to report and obtain temporary financial relief – see 14 & 15 January entries in the piece linked here:

The First Couple Of Weeks Of My Second Term At Alleyn’s School, 6 to 22 January 1974

I suspect that my January 1974 episode was my only interaction with John Fanner, apart from, perhaps, an occasional “nodding acquaintance” gesture in the corridor.

I sensed that he was a kind man and realised, even at the time, that this was far more of a shock for the teachers than it was for most of the pupils. It was the day before we broke up for the school holidays and I don’t remember dwelling on the matter once school was out.

Others with whom I am in touch 50 years later might have more insightful memories of this event. Mike Jones, for example. Simon Barton for another.

The rest of my diary in the run up to Christmas is unsuitably mundane:

Wednesday, 17 December 1975 broke up. Good report. TV Superstars, Benny Hill.

Thursday, 18 December 1975 played with Andy [Levinson]. Went to library. TV $6 Million Man, Likely Lads, Mastermind, Carry on Christmas.

Friday, 19 December 1975 – Lloyd’s [Green] in morning. TV Pot Black, The Good Life.

Saturday 20 December 1975 all ok. Andy afternoon. TV film German something or other? [Mosquito Squadron]

Sunday, 21 December 1975 – no classes. TV last Upstairs Downstairs, Al Capone.

Monday 22 December 1975 Andy all day. TV Invisible Man, Are You Being Served? Mastermind.

Tuesday, 23 December 1975 – meeting today. Andy afternoon. TV Carry On film [Carry On Up the Khyber], Liver Birds.

Wednesday, 24 December 1975 lovely Christmas eve, Andy all day TV Oliver Twist, Jim’ll Fix It, something something [Dick Emery Christmas Show] and Porridge

Not much insight there.

I have used the opening line from Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen as the headline for this piece. That record was part of the soundtrack of our lives that late autumn and Christmas.

But my earworm that season was the other record that did astonishingly well. Actually, not just an earworm – loads of us in the Alleyn’s School playground (and other playgrounds all over the country) tried to emulate its nonsense:

Perhaps you had to be there.

For those who are desperate to hear/see Bohemian Rhapsody again and don’t know how to use a search engine:

Two Weeks Towards The End Of The First Term Of My Third Year At Alleyn’s, Including THAT Football Match 9 December 1975

Not A Matter Of Life & Death – Far More Important Than That! We had some fine footballers in my year at Alleyn’s – I was not among them.

Sunday, 30 November 1975 – performed play. Very good. Mug taken good. TV Upstairs Downstairs.

I have no idea what the play was, nor why my mug shot was taken. Presumably something at cheder. Any mug shot from that performance is (probably mercifully) lost in the mists of time.

Monday 1 December 1975 all OK. Goodies & Waltons.

Tuesday 2 December 1975 – swimming good. TV Invisible Man, Musical Time Machine.

Wednesday, 3 November 1975 CCF Picture Lecture. TV Superstar, Our Man Flint.

I have no idea whether the picture lecture was something to do with CCF (Combined Cadet Force) or unconnected.

Thursday, 4 December 1975 – drama cancelled, came home early. TV $6 million man, Mastermind.

Friday 5 December 1975 – all OK, TV Tom & Jerry, Pot Black, The Good Life.

Saturday, 6 December 1975 – school morn. Finished play fitting. TV sinking film The Last Voyage.

Sunday, 7 December 1975.– Classes good, lost 7P [at kalooki] boo-hoo, all OK.

Monday, 8 December 1975 – Auntie Alice died last night. Grandma Jenny came to stay.

Alice in the 1950s

Auntie Alice was Grandma Jenny’s sister. Alice had lived with Grandma Jenny for as long as I could remember – indeed quite possibly since before I was born. Alice suffered from hyperkyphosis, which in those days we referred to as hunchback, to such an extent that it caused her respiratory issues. In truth I only really remember her ever sitting in her armchair doing very little. But she was a sweet lady.

Tuesday, 9 December 1975 – goalkeeping – great achievement, TV Superstars, Time Machine.

Yes, I have found it. The sole reference in my diaries to my football playing “career”. My epic goalkeeping performance in an end of term house match. If memory serves, it was my house, Cribbs, v Duttons. My house was playing merely for pride (which might explain how I ended up in the team at all), whereas our opponents needed the win for top of the table glory.

My goalkeeping will not have looked anything like this

Presumably Cribbs had injury/absence issues which resulted in my being selected at all. Presumably Paddy Gray (our Cribbs skipper) knew enough about my two left feet to conclude that I could do the least harm, or even vaguely be of use, by having a go in goal.

As football stalwart Nigel Boatswain would tell you:

some idiot was playing in goal for Cribbs. He didn’t have the faintest idea what he was doing in goal, yet somehow he managed to keep saving the ball and we couldn’t get the ball past that idiot.

I know that Nigel would put it in language of that kind, because that’s pretty much what he said to Johnny Eltham, on one occasion in the 2010s, when we were all gathered for dinner. Johnny replied,

yes I remember and yes I remember who the goalkeeper was…he’s sitting next to you.

Nigel recalls that his team won, so is convinced that they got past me eventually. My recollection is that Paddy Gray decided, towards the very end of the match, that our best chance of keeping a clean sheet was for him to swap in a more competent goalie for the last few minutes…it might even have been himself. It was during those last few minutes, while I was grazing in the long grass trying to stay out of trouble, that the winning goal was scored.

This is a bit like the story at the end of Tom Brown’s Schooldays, when Tom Brown captains his team to a glorious narrow defeat at the hands of the MCC, yet is carried aloft by his teammates because of the narrowness and glory of the defeat.

I’m glad to have found this small yet oft-remembered moment in my diary and I’m glad to see that it occurred in 1975, which was my annus mirabilis sports-wise, what with my quarter-final victory at fives…

An Uneventful Day Playing Fives, 9 June 1975

…it’s a minor miracle that Johnny Eltham still talks to me, now I come to think of it…

…and my hat trick bowling for 2AK, as part of our tournament-winning performance at cricket that summer:

The Day I Took A Hat Trick At Cricket, Alleyn’s School, 9 July 1975

But enough about my single year of sporting glory.

Wednesday 10 December 1975 – no CCF. Grandma Jenny stayed again. TV War Film [Ice Cold In Alex].

Thursday, 11 December 1975 – drama good. TV $6 Million Man, Water Rats, Mastermind, Q6

Friday, 12 December 1975 – all OK, TV Pot Black, The Good Life.

Saturday, 13 December 1975 – Party went well, good fun.

I have no recollection of this party. Possibly an end of term party at the school. I’d have thought I’d have named the friend whose house party it was, had it been a friend’s house party. Anyway, whatever it was, wherever it was, it went well and was good fun according to my diary, which I suspect is all that has survived as a written record about that particular party.

Half Term, Then Three More Weeks At Alleyn’s With Little To Say About School, Late October To Late November 1975

Alleyn’s School in 1922- OK it wasn’t THAT long ago

I really was saying very little in my diaries at that time, apart from documenting my TV viewing, which perhaps hold some interest for some readers.

I was clearly still enjoying drama and tried to enjoy CCF, despite not really being the type. I vaguely recall being made to try a bit of rugby that year, which I absolutely hated and Alleyn’s was in fact ill equipped to play. I think it was an experiment based on the notion that, once the school went co-ed, its chances of shining at football would be much diminished.

I recall trying to avoid house rugby as much as possible by playing fives whenever I could, but I had obviously resolved almost to stop writing about my sporting activities that term.

I wasn’t listening to much popular music that year, either. But the following song was an earworm then and can become an earworm again for you if you let it. It does remind me of that time and brings some of the vague memories back.

Listen while you skim my almost content-free diary entries. You’ll need something to stimulate the senses.

Sunday, 26 October 1975– Classes OK. Went to Felds. TV Carry On Laughing, Upstairs Downstairs.

Monday 27 October 1975 – nice day. TV Goodies, Waltons, Ghost Story.

Tuesday 28 October 1975 – OK, had haircut. Benny Hill great. Dr No!!! [This was the first time that film was shown on UK television, so it will have seemed like a big deal. Hence the exclamation marks!!!]

Wednesday, 29 October 1975 – went to Grandma Jenny. TV Carry On Cleo, Rule Britannia, Cooper, Face the music.

Thursday, 30 October 1975 – all OK. $6 million man, Get Some In, Morecombe & Wise.

Friday 31 October 1975 – mum went to hospital. Bonfire. TV Tom and Jerry, Invisible Man, Sykes, Porridge.

Saturday 1 November 1975 – all OK. Went with “Auntie” Winifred [neighbour] with dogs. TV Dick Emery, Kojak, No Honestly.

Sunday 2 November 1975 – classes OK, lunch at Felds, mum and dad went out.

Monday 3 November 1975 – went back to school. TV Goodies, Waltons.

Tuesday, 4 November 1975 – all OK TV Tarzan.

Wednesday 5 November 1975 – good speaker? TV Carry On Screaming, Cooper, Face The Music, Till Death Us Do Part.

Thursday, 6 November 1975 – OK. Drama good. TV $6 million man, Ken Dodd, Get Some In, Q6.

Friday, 7 November 1975 – OK. TV Tom and Jerry, Invisible Man, Sykes, Porridge.

Saturday 8 November 1975 – OK. TV Doctor Who, Basil Brush, Dick Emery, early night

Sunday, 9 November 1975 – classes play. TV Carry On Laughing, Upstairs Downstairs, FBI Story.

Monday 10 November 1975 – all OK TV, Angels, Waltons.

Tuesday, 11 November 1975 – swimming good. TV film good James Garner, Debbie Reynolds [How Sweet It Is (1968)].

Wednesday, 12 November 1975 – lecture. CCF good. TV Carry On Spying, Cooper, Rule Britannia, Face The Music.

Thursday 13 November 1975 – drama good. TV $6 million man and Get Some In Q6 is rotten.

Friday, 14 November 1975 – music good. TV Invisible Man, Pot Black, Porridge.

Saturday, 15 November 1975 – school. After Grandma Anne. TV Dick Emery, Kojak

Sunday, 16 November 1975 – went to Southend. Dined at El Cordola. TV Carry On Laughing, Upstairs Downstairs.

Monday, 17 November 1975 – all OK. TV Goodies, Odie v good, Waltons – a goodie goodie program.

Tuesday, 18 November 1975 – got cold. TV Big Film – platinum robbery [The Biggest Bundle Of Them All], Musical Time Machine.

Wednesday, 19 November 1975 – all OK. Mum and Dad went out. TV Superstars and Cooper, played Monopoly. [Unnamed babysitter will have been one of the Aarons youngsters, almost certainly].

Thursday, 20 November 1975 – OK. Drama good. TV $6 million man, Get Some In, Q6, Miss World, Fiddler onto recorder. [That will be Cyril Barnet’s recording of Fiddler On the Roof in Yiddish.]

Friday, 21 November 1975 evening rows. [Must have been a family gathering at Grandma Anne’s I think. Unless we had our own mini domestic. TV Tom and Jerry, Invisible Man, Pot Black, Sykes, Porridge.

Saturday 22 November 1975 – exeat. Morning table tennis [that must be at Andy Levinson’s place]. Evening saw Iolanthe. [Was this at school or was it at Sadler’s Wells? I can find no reference to it in Scriblerus, nor in a press search for autumn 1975 come to that].

I could use a bit of help with writing up this period. Any memories from people who were in my orbit at that time will be gratefully received.

Four Term Time Weeks: Little Of Note Except For Mystery Operations & Leaflets With Mr Jenkins & Controversy Over Controversy, Late September To Late October 1975

Operations? Leaflets? It could only be Mr Jenkins.

I’m hoping that some of my Alleyn’s schoolmates can disambiguate the handful of words in this four week period that might refer to interesting stuff going on at school. Frankly, I’m flummoxed.

Here’s the transcript of my multi-coloured scribbles, mostly documenting my TV viewing, but the passing comments on goings on at school might trigger some memories.

Sunday, 28 September 1975 – Dined at Feld’s. TV Upstairs Downstairs.

Just in case anyone wants an explainer for the quirky eatery that was Feld’s – here’s one I wrote earlier.

A Few Days In London Between Keele & Manchester, 14 to 19 December 1980

Monday 29 September 1975 – all OK. TV Goodies, Angels, Waltons.

Tuesday, 30 September 1975 – went swimming. Got cold. TV Tarzan.

Wednesday 1 October 1975 – uneventful day. CCF.

Thursday, 2 October 1975 – did operation leaflet. TV Two Ronnies, Man About The House, Morecombe & Wise.

Friday, 3 October 1975 – uneventful. TV Invisible Man, Dad’s Army, Liver Birds.

Saturday, 4 October 1975 – Exeat. TV Generation Game, Dick Emery, Kojak.

Sunday, 5 October 1975 – went to classes. In top class.

Monday, 6 October 1975 – OK. TV Goodies, My Son Reuben, Waltons.

Tuesday, 7 October 1975 – swimming good. TV Tarzan.

Wednesday, 8 October 1975 – CCF terrible. -> Callow?. It’s A Knockout best day.

Thursday, 9 October 1975 – drama good. TV Two Ronnie, Man About The House, Morecombe and Wise.

Friday, 10 October 1975 – all OK. TV Tom and Jerry, Invisible Man, Dad’s Army, Liver Birds, Fawlty Towers.

Saturday, 11 October 1975 all OK. TV big film / Bad Day At Black Rock, Dick Emery.

Sunday, 12 October 1975.– Went to Angela and John’s for tea.

Monday, 13 October 1975 – had more slides from Jenkins. TV Goodies, Reuben, Waltons.

Tuesday, 14 October 1975 – uneventful. Swimming good.

Wednesday, 15 October 1975 – OK. Corps very good. TV It’s a Knockout Final – we came fifth.

Thursday, 16 October 1975 – OK. Delivered leaflets. TV Two Ronnies, Get Some In and Morcombe & Wise.

Friday, 17 October 1975 – speech day, half day. TV Invisible Man, Liver Birds, PC Penrose.

Saturday, 18 October 1975 – OK. TV [Secret Of The] Incas, Dick Emery, Kojak.

Sunday, 19 October 1975 – classes. TV Upstairs Downstairs.

Monday, 20 October 1975 – TV Goodies, Waltons, Controversy.

Tuesday, 21 October 1975 – swimming good. TV Tarzan and the Fountain of Youth.

Wednesday, 22 October 1975 – CCF good. TV Carry On Doctor, Rule Britannia, Tommy Cooper & Face The Music.

Thursday, 23 October 1975 – drama good, TV Two Ronnies (last in series), Get Some In, Morecombe & Wise.

Friday, 24 October 1975 – field day (CCF) TV Tom and Jerry, Invisible Man, Sykes, Porridge, Fawlty Towers

Saturday 25 October 1975 Half term. TV Basil Brush, Doctor Who, Bruce Forsyth, Film [Judith], Dick Emery, Kojak, No Honestly.

Here’s my list of questions:

  • what do I mean by “operation leaflet” on 2 October, “had more slides from Jenkins” on 13 October and “delivered leaflets” on 16 October?;
  • who was “Callow” – who seems to be the source of my feeling terrible about CCF that day? Parenthetically, I sense that CCF was not for me, but my dad will have told me to “man up” about it, which resulted in me trying to make the most of it after that.

As for Controversy, I remember those programmes. They were compulsory viewing in our household. Here’s a link to an explainer. I have embedded the clip below.

The thing I remember more than anything else about this Controversy programme was my mother’s obsessive hatred of anyone pronouncing that word “contro-versy” rather than, as she asserted, the proper pronunciation, “controver-sy”. I still wouldn’t dare pronounce it the “wrong” way, even to this day – that would be too controversial by far.