It’s A Funny New Game by Mark Keegan & John Random, Canal Café Theatre, 10 June 2026

John Random IS VAR (Victorian Animated Referee)

Football is not really my thing, but friendship that spans decades is. I used to write Newsrevue material with these fellas., back in the day…

The above is a very relevant early example of my “work”, not least because Victoria (whose father I was spoofing in that lyric) directed and appeared in It’s A Funny New Game.

Anyway, I took the very slight detour from my regular routes twixt W2 and NW8 to revisit the Canal Café Theatre and see friends Mark Keegan and John Random in their football-oriented comedy show, It’s A Funny New Game.

The show is timed to coincide with the advent of a football world cup and much of the comedy is thus topical. What else would you expect from former Newsrevue stalwarts?

It was lovely to meet up with some of the old Newsrevue crowd the night I attended: Barry Grossman, Graham Robertson and even a special guest appearance from Harriet Quirk, which was a lovely surprise.

The show is bound to be funnier to people who understand the football jokes than it was to me. But some of the humour is universal, as are the characters. Egotist Barry Mousetrap – a theatrical football manager who struggles to separate compering a show with managing a football team. The god-fearing, temperance-touting Victorian referee played by John Random, who also excelled as a 120-year-old Uruguayan retired footballer, who recalls being chased by adoring female fans in the style of Pete & Dud: “Calm down girls, back off, form a orderly queue”…or words to that effect.

I enjoyed the video fillers that enabled some costume changes and provided some relief from the on-stage mayhem. The Sense & Sensibility spoof particularly pleased me (I’m partial to a bit of Jane Austen) although the football puns in that one were all wasted on me as I couldn’t contextualise them.

I could contextualise the Mastermind sketch, in which the England goalkeeper takes “inadvertently naming each member of England 2026 World Cup squad” as his specialist subject. This worked so well because, even if you didn’t know the names that were yet to come, you sort-of know that some of the names are going to be quite difficult to dovetail into a simple question and answer. Bellingham made me laugh out loud.

It was a game of one half, this show, as the whole show lasts about the length of one half of a football match. I think that’s about the right length for such a show.

But if you were not sated by my write up or by seeing the show, there is a book, linked below, available through that link or through other reputable and disreputable outlets.

Well done lads. Top performances. Now it’s time for your ice bath.

Three Late December Evenings: 15, 19 & 20 December 2007

15 December

Janie and I had Hilary & Chris for dinner at Sandall Close. No doubt they had come up to drop & collect Christmas presents etc. No doubt they stayed and no doubt they disappeared early the next morning when Janie and I went off to play tennis.

19 December

Mansion House. Michael Mainelli had persuaded the City of London Corporation & the Lord Mayor to host a London Accord launch at the Mansion House. This felt like a big deal for Z/Yen at the time. So much so that I bought a stack of copies of The Diary Of A Nobody as the staff’s Secret Santa stocking filler that year, pointing them to the Mansion House chapter/thread in the book.

Any resemblance between Ogblog and The Diary Of A Nobody is purely coincidental.

This Now & Z/Yen piece announced the London Accord Mansion House event. Very grand it was too.

20 December

Back down to earth at Cafe Rouge in Maida Vale for the Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinner, including the seasonal Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Trophy quiz.

John Random helpfully reported back after the event:

Many thanks to all those who came out to the… I dunno.. the 28th? Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinner. (We seem to have settled into a pattern of four a year and we’ve been doing this for 7 years now, so 28 sounds about right.) The occasion was graced by Jasmine Birtles, Caroline Bainbridge, Gerry Goddin, Barry Grossman, Mark Keegan, Colin Stutt, Nick R. Thomas, Ian Harris, Mike Hodd and myself. There were three quizzes. Barry retained the trophy.

For those struggling to imagine what this magnificent trophy might look like – here is a subsequent picture of it (with legends for some subsequent winners):

Happy Tories, NewsRevue Lyric, 26 April 1992

Captain Sensible – more sensible than my spoof lyrics

I was reminded of this song when we gathered for an Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinner on 2 March 2017.

Mark Keegan was there and it naturally came up in discussion that his father-in-law, David Waddington, passed away last week.

I mentioned that I had mentioned Waddington in one of my early NewsRevue songs. We all agreed that the song might come in handy for Mark and the family over the next few weeks (well you never know). In any case I should Ogblog it pronto for the NewsRevue alumni of our era.

I’m pretty sure this song was used in a couple of runs at that time; the aftermath of the 1992 election.

Click here or below for a link to Happy Talk, the version recorded by Captain Sensible, including Hammerstein’s original lyrics for the tune.

HAPPY TORIES (To the tune of “Happy Talk”) – tweaked 2 July 1992

CHORUS 1

Happy Tories, Tories, seeking work,

Jobs for the boys you’d like to do;

You’ve got to have a seat, if you don’t have a seat,

You may have to govern Timbucktoo.

VERSE 1

Talk about a Lord, David Waddington, his sentences for death could not be cruder,

He saw a hot place, where they still can hang, now he’s Governor out in Bermuda.

CHORUS 2

Happy Tories, Tories, seeking work,

Jobs for the boys you’d like to do;

You’ve got to have a seat, if you don’t have a seat,

We can find an island just for you.

VERSE 2

Talk about a girl, Thatcher was her name {girl?}, sacked as PM, now a Baroness,

She will not shut up, she is still a pain, now the Tories want her even less.

CHORUS 3

Happy Tories, Tories, seeking work,

Jobs for the boys you’d like to do;

You’ve got to have a seat, if you don’t have a seat,

You can have a sinecure or two.

VERSE 3 (slower – almost weeping on the first line – brightening up for the cushy job)

Talk about a boy, took an early Bath, Chris Patten could end up on the skids,

Stipend from friend John, Governor of Hong Kong, worth a-hundred and fifty thousand quid.

{Various voices choose from the following: “a year”, “tax free”, “plus yacht”, “plus flashy cars” “plus thirty thousand pounds a year expenses” “plus lots of power”}

CHORUS 4

Happy Tories, Tories, seeking work,

Jobs for the boys you’d like to do;

You’ve got to have a seat, if you don’t have a seat,

You may get a mansion in Wah Fu,

So if you’re a Tory, and you cannot win a seat, you may win a fortune in Kowloon.

Or, if you prefer your Happy Talk original musical movie style, try this: