Author: Ian Louis Harris

China Trip – From Beijing On To Nanjing, 18 November 1993

We did a little bit more sightseeing in Beijing before dashing to the airport for an internal flight to Nanjing.

Lama Temple

18th – Beijing to Nanjing – went to Lama Temple & briefly Confuzi Temple. Then on to airport for flight to Nanjing*…

*amazing business moving us from Gate 16 to Gate 19 & then back across the tarmac

I think this is the Confuzi Temple but this photo was not labelled at the time, so I might be getting “confuzied”

I remember the business at the airport, because we were solemnly told we needed to relocate to another gate in order to be in close proximity to our plane, then ended up wandering rather haphazardly across the tarmac to our plane, which was close to the original gate. Frankly that was one of my lesser health and safety concerns about the internal flights back then – more on that topic anon.

…straight on to coaches for trip to amazing bird market and then on to hotel – 5-star Jinling Hotel.

As yes, the bird market.

Live birds…
…not only birds…
…and many deceased birds on sticks

Janie and I found it fascinating and I’m sure these days Janie would have taken dozens and dozens of photographs there. Still, enough above to give you an idea. Some of our fellow tourists found the place unsettling; it certainly didn’t smell like a place where you’d want to try the street food. It’s probably highly regulated and much safer hygeine-wise now.

As for the 5-star Jinling Hotel – so famous and having had so many high-falutin’ guests it gets a Wikipedia entry – it was a strange sort of 5-star. My guess is that there were different grades of room and our tour group was in last grade:

Dig the rabbit-skin hat and rattan slippers. I still have that short- sleeved shirt in my “holiday collection” 25 years later.

My memory had Janie’s hairdryer debacle happening in this hotel, but my notes have now sent me to the Holiday Inn Beijing for the electrical debacle and I now recall that the incident occurred before our peking duck dinner, not before the music concert, so I have moved that anecdote to the previous day’s write up – click here or below:

Squeezing A Heck Of A Lot Into One Day In Beijing – Including Making The Holiday Inn Beijing Go Pop, 17 November 1993

What the “awards” notes do remind me is that the elevators in the Jinling Hotel were somewhat below five star standard. I awarded that hotel:

The London Regional Transport Efficient Elevator Service Award

On reflection, I think our departures from that hotel were always delayed by people unable to lifts get down from their rooms.

Dinner in town – not bad meal – good ribs. Music concert at which we didn’t fall asleep (but almost everyone else did).

So that will have been our very first encounter with Chinese traditional instruments, including the pipa – an instrument that has fascinated us since and which Janie has subsequently likened to a theorbo with predictably hilarious results in the early music world:

William Carter, Theorbist Extraordinaire’s Mystery Punter Outed, 24 September 2010

But I digress.

All the photos we took on that day – by which I mean all 18 photos – can be seen in raw form in the Flickr album below:

CB_1993_I5_ (10)

Squeezing A Heck Of A Lot Into One Day In Beijing – Including Making The Holiday Inn Beijing Go Pop, 17 November 1993

As a result of a “fog-bound Beijing” 24 hour delay leaving London…

An Anticlimactic Start To My & Janie’s First Big Travel Adventure Together, 14 to 16 November 1993

…we only had one of the two scheduled days in Beijing, at the start of our 1993 China tour.

Never mind. Kuoni would try to squeeze as much into one day as is humanly possible…possibly more than that.

Forbidden City
No time to hang around in the throne room
Closonet Factory

17th – Beijing – went to Tianenmen Square and Forbidden City in morning – then closonet factory – then lunch on the way to Great Wall – food slightly spicy this time but still more Cantonese style than Beijingese. Great Wall in afternoon – walked up a bit  bought a rabbit skin hat on the way up for ¥10.7 (£1.30) – straight back for Peking Duck dinner.  [indecipherable added note]. Mr Poll Tax explained how to complain about anything.

Great Wall

Ah, so the Peking Duck was the second night, not the first night…still, everything I wrote about the Peking Duck meal (and the Park Inn) still applies.

My abiding memory of getting ready to go out for that meal was Janie’s hairdryer moment. I don’t mean her chewing me out Alex Ferguson style – that sort of hairdryer moment would be more predictable than memorable – no, I mean the moment when Janie, who insisted on schlepping her own hairdryer half way around the world, plugged in said hairdryer and made an entire Holiday Inn’s electricity go “pop”.

OK, it is JUST possible that something else in the hotel made the electricity go pop at the precise moment that Janie flicked her hairdryer switch…but what are the chances of that happening?

I don’t think Janie dared try to use her hairdryer again until we got to Hong Kong.

The Thomas Edison Award for electrical cabling – the Holiday Inn Beijing

I don’t remember much about Mr Poll Tax but I suspect he was a seasoned, semi-professional complainer.

All the photos we took on that big day – just 17 between the two of us would you believe – in those days it was rolls of film and rationing our supplies – can be seen in raw form in the Flickr album below:

CB_1993_I5_ (01)

An Anticlimactic Start To My & Janie’s First Big Travel Adventure Together, 14 to 16 November 1993

Janie and I embarked on our first big holiday together, to China, Hong Kong & Bali, 25 years ago as I write (in November 2018).

A long while in the planning, I got permission from Binder Hamlyn in August 1993 to take an exceptionally long vacation – four weeks, having accumulated a large backlog of leave, at which point Janie and I promptly booked the holiday and spent the next three months looking forward to it.

We booked this holiday through Kuoni Travel. Being somewhat unseasoned and relatively impecunious travellers at that time, the China portion of the trip was a group tour. In any case, in 1993 it would have been difficult to travel around China independently; it was fairly difficult even on a group tour.

Our excitement was curtailed when we got to the airport to discover that our flight had been delayed by 24 hours due to fog in Beijing.

My tour journal (see as written above, transcribed below) begins:

Excelsior Hotel 24 hour delay of flight – Beijing fog bound. We ate, swam, worked out in gym, ate, swam and ate…

What was the Excelsior Heathrow is now (November 2018) the Park Inn by Radisson Heathrow – if this link still works when you read this, you can decide for yourself whether you’d prefer 24 hours in that place or in Beijing.

I do also remember the tour group leaders, Sally and Chris, arranging a couple of briefing sessions at the hotel, to try to keep us all upbeat, to introduce us to each other and to explain how they were going to salvage what they could of our Beijing site-seeing, which was going to be reduced from two days to one very busy day. I took very few notes.

Departed for Beijing 9pm on 15th – arrived afternoon of 16th – straight to Holiday inn Beijing and out to dinner at rather ordinary restaurant next door.

I have one abiding memory of the flight.  When we boarded, one gentleman, very red in the face, who looked like a travelling businessman rather than a holiday maker, elbowing people out of the way – flamboyantly ensuring that he got as much hand-luggage space as possible. He was probably an expert at manspreading too, although we were mercifully sitting a couple of rows away from him. Clearly he was a seasoned traveller and equally clearly not a very nice or polite bloke. Since that flight, Janie and I have always described that type of traveller’s behaviour as “like the man on the Beijing plane”.

Beijing Capital International Airport in 1993 was nothing like the place it is now or even like the place we experienced on our next visit, in 2010. In the early 1990’s, if I recall correctly, the runways and indeed the passenger walkways were more like the top of a great big outdoor wall…

…or perhaps I am getting my photographs muddled up. Perhaps that picture is from our visit to the great wall the next day.

Joking apart, the airport back then seemed very developing world and basic for a major international city. Also, it was extremely cold when we arrived in Beijing – an early season wave of arctic weather  – hence snow on the wall.

My comment about the food at a “rather ordinary restaurant” next door to the Holiday Inn was an abiding theme on this holiday. The food was mostly not good and was very samey. There was an assumption that a British tour group would not be very interested in Chinese food beyond a few staple dishes of the pseudo-Chinese, sweet and sour balls variety. Every meal included copious plates of chips, just in case the “Chinese” food didn’t please people. To be fair, most of our fellow travellers were not particularly interested in the food and (unsurprisingly given the quality of food served) were not going to cultivate an interest in Asian cuisine on that touring holiday.

We were given some peking duck in Beijing – the next day it transpires…

Squeezing A Heck Of A Lot Into One Day In Beijing – Including Making The Holiday Inn Beijing Go Pop, 17 November 1993

…but that peking duck was of a far lesser quality than the stuff we were used to in good London Chinese restaurants – for example, the Park Inn – by which I mean May’s wonderful Chinese restaurant on Wellington Terrace, around the corner from my flat – not the Radisson hotel chain known as Park Inn. In the fullness of time  shall write up May’s Park Inn for Ogblog. Strangely, though, on Googling it, I found one page – click here for link…

…or here for my 2018 scrape of that page… still listing May’s restaurant some 15-18 years after it closed. I wonder how many other restaurants on that listing still exist?

So it’s not just Beijing and China that have changed in the last 25 years – but I do think the changes there are more dramatic.

Anyway, the point is, evening of 16th November 1993, Janie and I had arrived in China and the touring was about to begin the next day.

China Tour, Pre Briefing Notes, 14 November 1993

While we were fog bound at Heathrow on 14 November…

An Anticlimactic Start To My & Janie’s First Big Travel Adventure Together, 14 to 16 November 1993

…our Kuoni guides, Chris Lucas and Sally Ward, briefed us ahead of our trip.

I’m not going to try and translate this page

Publishing All About Quo, NewsRevue Lyric, 14 November 1993

Perhaps the most noteworthy thing about this lyric is the date in my log for the writing of it; 14 November 1993.

That was the day Janie and I set off for our four week journey to China, Hong Kong and Bali. I must have rattled off this lyric and dropped it at the Canal Cafe on my way out to Janie’s place ahead of going to the airport.

It’s a self-explanatory lyric, I think, about the perennial rock band Status Quo.

There are some good lines – if nothing else, I think my mention of Shakespeare and iambic pentameter in the context of Quo deserves a medal for chutzpah.

_ PUBLISHING ALL ABOUT QUO _


 (To the Tune of “Rocking All Over the World”)
 
VERSE 1
 
Oh here they are, yes here they are,
Oh take a look;
Status Quo have gone and written a book,
On the hook,
Publishing all about Quo.
 
Oh here they are yes here they are,
The tearaways;
Write three words and then copy the phrase,
Seven ways,
Just like the records from Quo.
 
CHORUS 1
 
And the writing, the writing, the writing, the writing,
Is not too exciting,
Really not worth fighting for,
Publishing all about Quo.
 
VERSE 2
 
We dread to think the money that the Quo makes here,
Write a sentence and they think that their gear,
Is Shakespeare,
Literally all about Quo.
 
CHORUS 2
 
It’s iambic, iambic, iambic, iambic,
Iambic pentameter,
But critics slam it a-go-go,
Knocking all of Status Quo
(Chords indicate that the song is over)
It’s not over, not over, not over, not over,
The song wasn’t over,
Although they’re over the hill,
Rocking all over the hill.
(Chords indicate that the song is over again – this could continue ad nauseam)

Below is Status Quo singing Rockin All Over The World with the lyrics on the screen:

The Walls (Las Paredes) by Griselda Gambaro, Orange Tree Room, 13 November 1993

This was the third of just three productions Janie and I saw together in The Orange Tree Room (the original Orange Tree above the pub) before that super space closed down. For just a short while, the Orange Tree ran the purpose built theatre and the room.

The other two were:

Of the three, I for some reason I only retained the “programme” (sheet of paper) for The Belle.

This so frustrating, because this production of The Walls was superb – we were spellbound by it. But sadly (unlike Saigon Rose) it doesn’t seem to have been reviewed – or at least not by any resources available on-line.

I have managed, by detective work, to determine that the play we saw is a translation of Las Paredes by Griselda Gambaro.

By Sara Facio (Revista Argentina 1970) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I have managed to find a review of a more recent production of this play in DC – click here or below:

Las Paredes (The Walls)

As the above review is pretty much all I can find on this play, I have also scraped it to here for just in case.

That review gives you a feel for the play and the production we saw, which tried (with a very limited budget and space) to create that increasingly claustrophobic feeling and did so very well.

I wish I could record who was in it and who directed/designed the production at the Orange Tree Room because it really was excellent in our book.

Perhaps the Orange Tree has an archive into which I can delve at some point.

Janie and I saw this production just before we set off for our first big holiday, to China and Bali. I remember we talked about this play/production a lot and for a long time.

Of all the leaflets to mislay…but perhaps they had run out of leaflets. The Orange Tree Room was on its way out by then; what a pity.

If anyone reading this posting has any information about the production, please let me know through the comments or message system.

Postscript: Newspapers.com allowed me to find the following clipping from The Guardian – appropriately with a typo in the second word of the main text!

The Walls ListingThe Walls Listing Sat, Nov 20, 1993 – 218 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

1993 Autumn Budget Mini-Opera Based On Various Tunes From Oliver!, NewsRevue Lyrics, 8 November 1993

On the whole I remember the better of my lyrics well and have forgotten some of the less interesting ones. But just occasionally I surprise myself and this mini-opera falls into that category.

The conceit of these lyrics was to speculate a few weeks before the Autumn Budget as to its possible content.

Not only am I immensely proud of these lyrics on rereading them in April 2019, but I recall what a stunning job John Random and his NewsRevue cast did with this piece.

Ken Clarke, then Chancellor and the central villain of the mini-opera, is, 25 years later, seen as a voice of Tory moderation. Times change, to some extent. Yet the closing number seems as apt today as it did in 1993.

_ 1993 AUTUMN BUDGET RUN UP MINI OPERA _

(To various tunes from “Oliver”)
 
FOOD TAXABLE FOOD (tax inspector’s chorus to “Food Glorious Food”)
 
If we tax the sick and poor, will they live to 84?
Lets put V.A.T. on fu-el;
When they can’t pay off their loans, put them into paupers homes,
Then we’ll also tax their gru-el;
Duty on crusts, every crumb shall be fined, till they beg or they borrow or cadge;
Then charge more for prescriptions, when they get the flu, then we’ll tax funerals, just imagine:
 
Food taxable food,
VAT putting the lamp on;
Tax songs that are crude,
Excise a large tampon;
Huge levies on orange juice,
That’s normal in Denmark;
Which fruit was let on the loose?
Must be Ken Clarke……
(‘ere ‘ee comes fellers; the Clarkful Bodger)
 
I’M REVIEWING THIS NEW TAXATION (Ken Clarke is “Reviewing the Situation”)
 
I’m reviewing this new taxation,
I’m a lawyer and my sums are not so good;
With my budget for reinflation,
I should tax the rich and be like Robin Hood.
 
Cos I have the autonomy,
To fuck up the economy,
So don’t expect much bon hommie,
On budget day from John or me,
I’ll tax the wealthy hopefully,
But then they might not vote for me;
(thinks)….I think I’d better think it out again.
 
CON EVERYONE BUT THE RICH (tax inspector’s chorus to “Consider Yourself”)
 
Con everyone but the rich,
Con everyone who’s not a Conservative,
We’ve burdened the poor so long,
It’s clear, we’re, doing the numbers wrong;
See if yer chancella’s la-di-da or uppity,
Tax yer cup of tea ‘n’all;
But there’s a chance that Ken will end up at number ten,
‘less the Tory party falls.
Con everyone but your mate,
The poor never vote for us,
So after fiscal legislation Ken can state,
KEN:Con everyone not one of us.

Below is Food Glorious Food from Oliver! with the lyrics on the screen:

Below is Ron Moody singing Reviewing The Situation:

Here is a link to Reviewing The Situation lyrics.

Below is Consider Yourself from Oliver!

Here is a link to Consider Yourself lyrics.

Mr Director by Fay Weldon, Orange Tree Theatre, 6 November 1993

We took Pauline with us to this revival of Fay Weldon’s Mr Director at the Orange Tree.

I think we were all a little underwhelmed by the play, but never mind.

We went to Don Fernando afterwards. There’s a good chance we had paella there, as Janie made some notes in her diary about waiting times for same in Don Fernando.

I don’t think anyone argued or passed out or anything dramatic on this occasion.

Underwhelming drama all round.

Panto Act, Written For Ben Murphy, 2 November 1993

Ben Murphy must have asked for material along these lines and I must have written this. Reading between the lines, he was playing Baron Hardup in Rhyl. This short set is a mish mosh of:

I don’t think anyone will be telling their grandchildren about this one.

_ PANTO ACT _

(Ian’s wierd attempt to write panto material)
 
SHAGGY BARON (Ugly Duckling)
 
There once was a shaggy Baron,
With whiskers all stubbly and grey;
And the audience,
Yelled “Ben you are dense,
But find a song to play.
Sing a song,
Sing sing a song,
Sing sing a song today.”
 
[Perhaps insist that children yell the sing sing stuff and refuse to continue until they have done so loud enough etc]
 
FILLER 1
 
Oh alright then.  As you asked so nicely.  The only thing is, I am a very poor Baron.  Baron Hardup.  So I have to travel all over the country singing nasty songs to try to scrape a living.  Do you mind if I sing you nasty songs?   Really?   Are you sure?  See if you can work out who I am now.
 
BETTER FACE (Heal The World)
 
There’s a mug that you see on your TV frequently,
‘Though I look differently I’m Michael Jackson;
It may be a surprise ‘cos you may not recognise,
The new bits that my plastic surgeon tacks on.
I may have a face lift, a nose job or a skin shift,
To have a better face and a different race.
 
Every year, I’m gonna have a better face,
Both my eyes and my nose will be in a different place;
Now my cheeks need grouting,
And my lips have been fixed pouting,
It’s the strangest face that you’ve ever seen.
 
FILLER 2
 
I like children.  Really I do.  Hey kids; what’s orange and sounds like a parrot?  A carrot.  Kids, you’ll have to sing along to the next song.  Here we go. 
 
IF I HAD A STAMMER (If I had a hammer)
 
Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh,
Oohh oohh, oohh, oohh, oohh oohh, oohh, oohh;
If I had a stammer,
I’d stammer in the morning,
I’d s s s s s s;
 
FILLER 3
 
This next one’s a slower number for all you parents out there.
 
MARIO (Maria)
 
Mario, I’ve just bought my kids a Nintendo,
And suddenly that game, seems boring and seems tame, to them;
Mario, I am singing this in the wrong key-o,
And suddenly each note, is catching in my throat badly;
Mario, in one day my kids clocked your new meter,
Now they’re bored sitting watching Blue Peter;
Mario, how I wish that your upgrades were free-o.
 
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG (Nellie the Elephant)
 
Sonic the hedgehog has packed his punch,
And made a pile for the Sega,
Off he goes with a jumpety jump jump jump jump.
 
FILLER 4
 
Do you like Take That?  I can’t hear you.  Do you like Take That?  Pardon?  etc
 
TAKE THAT FANS PANTO (Teddy Bear’s Picinic)
 
If you go down to the pantomime you’re in for a big surprise,
If you go down to the pantomime you’d better go in disguise;
For every kid that’s sitting in Rhyl,
Is sure Take That are totally brill,
Today’s the day the Take That fans go to panto.
 
IT ONLY TOOK FIVE MINUTES KIDS (It only took a minute girl)
 
It only took five minutes, kids,
To write this act,
And gosh it shows,
It only took five minutes kids…..
 
Goodnight!!

Below is Danny Kaye singing the Ugly Duckling Song with lyrics on the screen:

Below is the song Maria with lyrics on screen:

Below is Mandy Miller singing Nellie The Elephant:

This link shows the lyrics to Nellie the Elephant.

Below is It Only Takes A Minute sung by Take That! with lyrics on the screen.

Submission To Jonathan Linsley’s 1993 Christmas Run, 31 October 1993




LIST OF SONGS SUBMITTED AND TAPE TRACK LISTING

JONATHEN LINSLEY XMAS 1993 RUN
 
Dear Jonathen
 
I enclose your fun pack “best of 1993” lyrics and tape.  I have included the ones you requested plus a few others for you to consider.  They are all 1993 songs and most of them had successful runs during the year.  There are also one or two new ones that might interest you, including the “Oh what a year” opening number that I sent you a few weeks ago.
 
I am only around for another 10 days or so and then I am away for several weeks, so please let me know if there are any others that you want or any rewriting that you wish to discuss.  I should be at the writers meetings 4 Nov and 11 Nov before I go, or you may try to reach me by phone on the above number.
 
See you soon.