Author: Ian Louis Harris

Napoli Milionaria by Eduardo De Filippo, Lyttelton Theatre, 24 August 1991

I recorded the following about this one:

Very good. Performed in scouse accents if I remember correctly.

I suspect that the second note had something to do with a little Bobbie annoyance at the use of scouse accents to depict Neapolitans. Ian McKellen as scouser seemed a little strange to our ears too, but of course the bloke can act. Clare Higgins as his missus, Richard Eyre directing, fine supporting cast…what’s not to like?

I think we both enjoyed the show.

Here’s the Theatricalia entry for that production.

Intriguing-sounding character, Eduardo De Filippo.

Anyway, Michael Billington was most impressed in the Guardian:

Billington on NapoliBillington on Napoli Sat, Jun 29, 1991 – 21 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Billington said it reminded him of O’Casey at his best and I think Bobbie and I formed exactly that view without having seen Billington’s comment.

Michael Coveney in The Observer also liked it a lot:

Coveney on NapoliCoveney on Napoli Sun, Jun 30, 1991 – 48 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

BCCI, Topical Lyric, 4 August 1991

Once I became ensconced with the NewsRevue writing team, I soon learnt that the use of the tune YMCA for a story about something with a four-letter acronym was gauche and inherently likely to be rejected.

But back in August 1991, when I was just starting to write humorous songs, mostly because they seemed to be popping into my head and made useful party pieces, I was unaware of such rules.

I’m not sure that Spitting Image was aware of those rules either, as I seem to recall that they especially liked this one, about the Bank of Credit and Commerce International (BCCI).

But of course Spitting Image didn’t actually use it. No-one used it, apart from me; down the pub and on the Notting Hill dinner party circuit, when that circuit was still suitably edgy.

On re-reading the song nearly 25 years later, I do still like some of the lyrics and think some of the lines are pretty good/funny. Sadly, the sentiments around money laundering, drug money, arms money, secrecy and the super-rich getting away (metaphorically and sometimes literally) with murder, still very much apply.

Here is a link to YMCA lyrics.

Click here or below for a link to the official music video of YMCA by the Village People.

Any resemblance between the name of the defunct, corrupt bank known as BCCI, and that of the manifestly pure Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI), is purely coincidental.

♬ BCCI ♬

(To the tune of “YMCA”)

VERSE 1

Con man, there’s a place you can go,

Con man, when you’ve lifted some dough,

You can bank there, and I’m sure you will find,

Many friends with whom you’ve done time.

Con man, what’s that under you’re bed,

Con man, wads of steaming green bread,

Con man, I suggest that instead,

You invest with BCCI.

 

CHORUS 1

It’s great to bank with the BCCI,

It’s great to bank with the BCCI,

It’s not like Coutts, you don’t need to be posh,

It’s the place to launder your dosh.

It’s great to bank with the BCCI,

It’s great to bank with the BCCI,

You don’t have to be good, you don’t have to be straight,

You will get a huge interest rate.

 

VERSE 2

Gun man, you should not be pissed off,

Gun man, buy a Kalashnikov,

With a loan then, when you blow a head off,

You won’t need to cross-fire payments.

Gun man, what are you after next,

Gun man, buy a pound of Semtex,

With a card that, you are able to flex,

Buy your plastic with our plastic.

 

CHORUS 2

It’s great to bank with the BCCI,

It’s great to bank with the BCCI,

You can pay for your gun, you can make a new pal,

Called Saddam or Abu Nidal.

It’s great to bank with the BCCI,

It’s great to bank with the BCCI,

If guns for Iran isn’t quite what you want ya,

Can be debited with a Contra.

 

VERSE 3

Drug man, why don’t you take a cruise,

On the proceeds, of your sales of the blues,

To the Caymans, where the BCCI,

Will inject cash in your business.

Drug man, while you’re making your cash,

Drug man, selling kilos of hash,

You can invest, and it’s quite above board,

It’s all secret in Luxemborg.

 

CHORUS 3

It’s great to bank with the BCCI,

It’s great to bank with the BCCI,

They haven’t got decimal currency,

They’re still working in LSD,

It’s great to bank with the BCCI,

It’s great to bank with the BCCI,

This is the place for your cash from cocaine,

But you won’t see your dosh again.

 

REPEAT CHORUSES

 

FADE

 

 

Music at Oxford Fireworks Concert, Radley College, 20 July 1991

This was one of several Music At Oxford events that my old firm, BDO Consulting (aka Binder Hamlyn Management Consultants) sponsored between 1989 and 1992.

The first of them included an action-packed, cartoon-like journey to Oxford – click here or below.

Music At Oxford At The Sheldonian Theatre & Bodleian Library, 7 July 1989

The 1991 edition was a far more sedate affair – at least it was for me – as the fireworks were part of the show on this occasion.

Annalisa de Mercur accompanied me on this occasion. I think we all stayed at The Moat House, as we had done in 1990 when Caroline Freeman accompanied me.

We heard:

  • George Frideric Handel – Water Music Suite No 2 in D major HWV 349
  • Johann Pachelbel – Canon
  • Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart – Serenade No 13 in G K525 “Eine Kleine Nachtmusik”
  • Johann Sebastian Bach – Brandenburg Concerto No 1 in F BWV 1046
  • Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart – Horn Concerto No 4 in E Flat K495 3rd Movement
  • Malcolm Arnold – Sinfonietta No 1 for two oboes, two horns and strings
  • Samuel Barber – Adagio for Strings
  • George Frideric Handel – Music for the Royal Fireworks

Ah, in fact I have the running order from the programme:

It was quite a late evening affair, this one, with the second half not even starting until 9:45, so the fireworks must have been at what would now be deemed to be an antisocial hour.

I’m pretty sure we young consultants were discouraged from continuing our antisocial activities on our return to the hotel, so the boisterous singing |I remember from the first event I’m pretty sure simply didn’t happen this time around.

Drinking and chatting in the hotel bar almost certainly did happen, though.

I remember this one as a very pleasant and largely relaxing outing. I’m not sure I had any clients of my own there that night – perhaps one – and the relative popularity of the programme meant that my musical knowledge (such as it is) was little called-upon.

Postscript: Annalisa recalls…

Is this the one with chandeliers in the marquee and a view across the lake? If so, I remember it. Clearly, the chandeliers made more of an impression than either the music or the fireworks! Chandeliers in marquees have become pretty commonplace now, but at the time I had never seen anything like it!

Top recall, Annalisa, top recall.

The White Devil by John Webster, Olivier Theatre, 6 July 1991

My log from the time simply says:

Josette Simon was indisposed the night we went, which was a real shame.

I can now exclusively reveal that the understudy we saw instead was Souad Faress. I subsequently did get to see Josette Simon; in The Maids, a few years later. Bobbie might not have been so lucky.

I’m not sure I was wild about the play either. Jacobean tragedies don’t always float my boat and I have a feeling that I sensed that this one wasn’t entirely my cup of tea. The White Devil is heavy on courtly intrigue and light on laughs.

Fine cast as always with a National production, with Eleanor Bron and Denis Quilley as the big draw names along with Josette Simon. Philip Prowse directed. Here is the Theatricalia entry for this production.

Michael Billington was not so keen on this one, claiming that it wasted the actors:

Billington on White DevilBillington on White Devil Thu, Jun 20, 1991 – 23 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Whereas Michael Coveney loved the production:

Coveney on White DevilCoveney on White Devil Sun, Jun 23, 1991 – 61 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Yugoslavia, A Pre-NewsRevue Lyric Eventually Used In NewsRevue, 1 July 1991

One of my very early efforts at lyric writing was this lyric about the break-up of Yugoslavia. The original is dated 1 July 1991 – I’ll need to upload a scan of the printout for that exact lyric. The version that follows – version 2, was updated and extended for NewsRevue in 1992 in the very early days of my involvement there. I have a feeling that it was actually used in the show briefly in the late summer/early autumn of 1992. If not Paula Tappenden’s cast then the one after.

Or did John Random use it in one of his subsequent runs/shows?

Anyway, here’s version 2:

YUGOSLAVIA (Version 2)

(To the tune of “Istanbul not Constantinople”)

VERSE 1

Serbia is in Yugoslavia,

Now there’s Croatia and also Slovinia,

Plus there’s Bosnia and then Macedonia,

Two that I don’t know,

And Mon-te-neg-ro.

VERSE 2

Lets go back to old Yugoslavia,

No you can’t go, there is such a palava,

You may get shot up and never recover,

One day you’re in Bled,

Next day bled and dead.

TRITE MIDDLE BIT 1

Even tennis stars,

Our commentators fear;

They can’t say without a glitch,

Goran Ivanisovitch.

VERSE 3

Take a break out in Yugoslavia,

No I won’t go there, I think I would rather,

Go to Greece or maybe Czechoslovakia,

Why did poor Yugoslavia get the veto?

Cos they went all to pieces after Tito.

 

(Instrumental – with “do, do, do’s”, “wo, wo, wo’s” and outbursts of “Serbia”, “Croatia”, “Bosnia”, possibly accompanied by some suitably violent business)

 

TRITE MIDDLE BIT 2

Even tennis stars,

Have put their lives at risk,

Monica Seles groans and grunts,

Even she had death threats once.

VERSE 4

See a shrink if in Yugoslavia,

Cos the countries shrinking farther and farther,

I’d prefer to be in the Intefarda,

Why is poor Yugoslavia now the pits?

Cos the Serbs are a bunch of violent gits.

Please note that the above version was dated 5 July 1992 – also aimed to be topical for Wimbledon but more than a year before the actual murder attempt on Monica Seles’ life.

Below is  a YouTube of The Four Lads singing Istanbul (not Constantinople)…

…or if you prefer the zappy They Might Be Giants version:

You can read the lyrics of Istanbul (not Constantinople) by clicking here.

Black Snow by Keith Dewhurst, Cottesloe Theatre, 15 June 1991

I don’t really remember much about this one, which suggests it was not so memorable an evening at the theatre.

Bobbie might remember it better, but I doubt it.

Excellent cast of National Theatre usual suspects. Ron Cook, Marion Bailey, Sally Rogers, Paul Moriarty, Peter Wight, Gillian Barge, Karl Johnson and many others. William Gaskill directed. The Theatricalia entry for this one can be found here.

Michael Coveney absolutely loved it in The Observer:

Coveney on Black SnowCoveney on Black Snow Sun, Apr 28, 1991 – 56 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Michael Billington also thought it was well worth seeing.

Billington on Black SnowBillington on Black Snow Sat, Apr 27, 1991 – 21 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

I think there was just too much going on for me. Wonderful acting and all that, but I struggled to engage with it. My bad.

Bagels In The Morning, Comedy Lyric, 7 June 1991

This is one of my very first comedy lyrics, written with no particular purpose. I’d been listening to a fair smattering of Allan Sherman and Weird Al Yankovic at that time; it shows.

The term “JAP” below is an acronym, as defined here, should be written J.A.P.

I did adapt/write a topical version of this lyric for NewsRevue a couple of years later, with Barbara Streisand as the J.A.P.

Bagels In The Morning, NewsRevue Lyric, 29 May 1993


BAGELS IN THE MORNING

 
(The JAP version of “Angel of the Morning”)
 
VERSE ONE
 
You tell me I am your princess,
So let’s go buy more jewels and gold.
If it is your aim to impress,
Then spend, and do what you are told.
 
A guy who’s so fast with the ladies,
Should drive at least a white Mercedes.
 
 
CHORUS
 
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
Go fetch me lox with smooth cream cheese,
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
But pickled herrings make me sneeze.
 
 
VERSE TWO
 
I was not quite so rational,
When we met in Siena,
I called you Hebrew National,
But meant Cocktail Vienna.
 
In your virility I trusted,
But you didn’t cut the mustard.
 
 
CHORUS
 
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
Go fetch me lox with smooth cream cheese,
Go fetch me bagels in the morning,
But pickled herrings make me sneeze.
 
 
Some with seeds and onions
 
 
REPEAT CHORUS
 
 
FADE
 

This lyric works with the song Angel Of The Morning, which has been recorded by dozens of people, but in 1991 I only had the PP Arnold recording to hand:

Invisible Friends by Alan Ayckbourn, Cottesloe Theatre, 4 May 1991

I think I’d grown out of Alan Ayckbourn by the time I saw this one. Or perhaps I just had grown out of Ayckbourn that was aimed at a young audience.

Not really my sort of thing

…I said.

Another Saturday evening at the Cottesloe with Bobbie.

The Theatricalia entry for this one can be found here.

Michael Billington explains what the play and production was about, recommending that adults should only attend if accompanied by children!

Billington on Invisible FriendsBillington on Invisible Friends Fri, Mar 15, 1991 – 37 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Michael Coveney in The Observer makes no excuses for the play/production, simply suggesting that invisible was risible.

Coveney on InvisibleCoveney on Invisible Sun, Mar 17, 1991 – 56 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

I do recall Bobbie telling me about her imaginary friend, some time before this production. But as far as I know that didn’t all go horribly wrong for her. I certainly don’t remember this production generating additional revelations from Bobbie.

The Closing Number by Mladen Materic, Hampstead Theatre, 5 April 1991

Hmm, my memory on this one is very poor.

My diary says I went to see this play with Jilly. Possibly someone Jilly knew/knows had something to do with it.

The performers were Tony Anthony, Denise Wong, Phil Daniels and Kate France. Materic directed the piece himself and it was a Shared Experience production; possibly the first of theirs I saw.

There’s a good interview with Mladen Materic in The List from that time, about this production – linked here. A rare on-line resource from that era.

Michael Billington to the rescue! He previewed the thing in The Guardian – what would we do without him?

Billington Previews Closing NumberBillington Previews Closing Number Thu, Mar 14, 1991 – 31 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Michael Coveney reviewed it in The Observer – let’s just say he didn’t much like the show.

Michael Coveney on Closing NumberMichael Coveney on Closing Number Sun, Mar 24, 1991 – 60 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

As for my poor recollection of the evening – perhaps Jilly can come to the rescue on that aspect.

The Visit by Friedrich Durrenmatt, Lyttelton Theatre, 9 March 1991

I think this was my first encounter with Complicité, or Théâtre de Complicité as it was then known.

I saw this production with Bobbie Scully.

Superb

…was my verdict at the time and I do still remember this as an especially wonderful night at the theatre.

Complicité stalwarts were out in force; Kathryn Hunter, Marcello Magni, Simon McBurney (the latter also directed this one)…plus Jasper Britton, who I wouldn’t normally think of as a Complicité dude.

The Theatricalia entry for this production can be found here.

Michael Billington wasn’t 100% sure about it, admiring the style but suggesting that the style somewhat swamped the content:

Billington on VisitBillington on Visit Fri, Feb 15, 1991 – 35 · The Guardian (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

Kate Kellaway in The Observer didn’t like it either.

Kellaway on The VisitKellaway on The Visit Sun, Feb 17, 1991 – 57 · The Observer (London, Greater London, England) · Newspapers.com

The critics were wrong and I was right, is all I can say!