There weren’t too many opportunities to watch live county cricket earlier that summer, with the Covid “spatial distancing” (as Janie called it – probably a better description than social distancing) and all that.
We had hoped to meet up with Fran and Simon, but the former was unable to join us on that occasion. The inclement weather that tries to frustrate our purpose when we meet up with one or both of those two did its best to rear its ugly head, but stayed away for long enough to enable us to enjoy some outground cricket in the lovely setting that is Radlett.
Simon wondered if I might like to see a crude vegetableI suppose this courgette pic will be good for King Cricket
The rain came soon after the innings break. Daisy and I decided to go home and catch the end of the match (assuming the shower really was just a shower) on the stream.
The shower really was just a shower.
Exciting ending, that match, but we enjoyed observing it from the relative warmth and dry of the streaming service at home.
Not much else to say, really, other than the fact that the rain that we dodged resulted in flash flooding and all sorts in West London, so I think we did the right thing to abandon the ground when we did.
On 18 May, for example, I visited my friend Rohan Candappa in Crouch End…
Crouch End’s equivalent of the bread line emerges daily outside the Sourdough Shop
… and then went on to meet Sophie Kent, one of the LCT Trustees, to take a look at Hornsey Cricket Club to discuss a prospective indoor cricket facility project (not an LCT one).
Half-close your eyes, wish and imagine…
On 9 June we had a face-to-face LCT meeting at The Oval. Dumbo, my car, was very excited at the opportunity to park within the hallowed grounds of The Oval, adding to his bucket-list collection of “cricket grounds within which I have parked”:
Why shouldn’t Dumbo have a bucket list like everyone else?
But I digress.
Birchmere Park via New Zealand, Hendon & The Woolwich Ferry
I started the day in New Zealand. Not physically of course, but I did Zoom over to Wellington for a short meeting on Z/Yen business.
Then I set off for Hendon, to Middlesex University for a game of real tennis, in which a sixteen-year-old utterly took me to pieces. I had pretty much been able to keep up with him a couple of weeks ago, but his regular play post GCSEs and the rapid improvement available only to people 40 or more years younger than me means that he is at least 10 handicap points better than me now and shall soon sail off into the stratosphere of only wanting to play with serious sporty folk and pros.
It doesn’t get much better than this
Having allowed bags of time to get to Birchmere Park in Thamesmead, I trusted Waze to sat nav me there and was led to expect to arrive more than an hour before the event, via the Woolwich Ferry. Time for a wander around when I get there, I thought.
I had never attempted the Woolwich Ferry before. My only real knowledge of it, from my youth until this day, was traffic announcements on Capital Radio & Radio London saying that only one ferry was operating and that there were hour-long queues as a result.
I didn’t listen to the radio on my journey from North-West to South-East London. Why should I? The sat nav does that traffic guidance job these days…
…except that the sat nav clearly didn’t know that today, as in my radio-listening days of yore, the ferry was operating with just one boat and the queues were some 40 minutes long.
The Woolwich Ferry from a Dumbo perspective
Still, it was another tick on my bucket-list and Dumbo was very excited to travel by boat again, for the first time since his trip to Ireland with us six years ago.
Fortunately I had allowed so much extra time for this journey, even with the long wait for the ferry, I still arrived at Birchmere Park about half-an-hour before the event.
New Zealanders have an expression for their weather – all four seasons in one day – which can apply to English weather too and certainly did apply on this day. In fact, I think I can safely say that I experienced all four seasons in one two-hour journey from Hendon to Thamesmead.
By the time I arrived at Birchmere Park it was unquestionably the rainy season. It was bucketing down.
My trusty weather app suggested that the rain would ease off after about 15 minutes and even suggested that it should stop completely to allow us a 45 minute event in dry weather.
And so it was. The weather smiled on us for our launch. Only the multiple rainbows in my picture present clues to the changeable weather on that afternoon.
As the Trustee of a cricket charity that is putting dozens of non-turf pitches into parks around London, I am glad to point out that only a non-turf pitch would be playable just a few minutes after the sort of deluge we experienced that afternoon.
Can you see the join?
These cricket pitch projects tend to need several organisations to come together. In this case, not only the LCT, the ECB and the local (Greenwich) council, but also Peabody and in particular its Thamesmead Regeneration arm. It was very interesting to meet the various dignitaries and activists from the area. I also sensed genuine interest in progressing more projects of this kind in that corner of Greater London.
I took my stroll around after the main event. Birchmere Park is a charming place with a lake and plenty of bird life on the far side of the park.
After the “no spectators at all” season of 2020, I was among the first to see live test cricket in England in 2021.
Despite the first test being at my home ground of Lord’s, ahead of the day I felt strange…almost anxious…about spectating under the Covid pandemic protocols.
The first Lord’s test was designated to be MCC members only, with only about 25% of the ground occupied.
The regular Lord’s thing is for members to have a “licence to rove” with other members and friends throughout the members’ areas. This year we had to apply for and then choose a socially-distanced seat, anywhere around the ground, some weeks in advance of the match.
Thus I imagined that the experience, for me, might be more akin to many of my visits for county championship matches. I quite often choose to venture alone, with a pile of reading and modest snack-picnic, choosing to sit in a less-popular corner of the ground.
I promised King Cricket (KC) that I would write up the experience for his site.
While King Cricket match reports on professional matches mustn’t mention the cricket itself, Ogblog has no such rules.
Frankly, there was not much to report on the cricket. England bowled pretty well, yielding only 250-odd runs but only taking three wickets.
The vibe where I was sitting, in the Mound Stand, is described in the above linked piece.
The ground was zoned. Not only were we only permitted to sit in our allocated (socially-distanced) seat, we were only permitted to wander within our chosen zone.
I was in Zone C for Day One.
I wandered along to “Checkpoint Charlie” underneath the Media Centre, between Zone C & Zone B. I usually chat with a friendly regular steward, Rob, there. There he was, in Zone B. I waved at him.
I fully expected Rob to shrug and for me to tell him that I planned to join him in Zone B on Friday. But no. Rob crossed the barricades, did that elbow thing that has replaced handshakes and we had a chat, more or less as normal, just socially-distanced.
Day Two: Thursday 3 June 2021
The Stewards tried, with limited success, to use barriers to stream pedestrians back and forth. The barriers didn’t work very well, but the limited numbers of pedestrians ensured that there were no log-jams.
Here is a link to my King Cricket scribblings on the matter of Day Two in the Allen Stand:
Suffice it to say for now that I spent the day in the Allen Stand, just beside the Allen Stand Gap, whence the headline photo and the above picture of the Compton, Edrich & Media Centre were taken.
The Allen Stand, close to the holy-of-holies (The Pavilion) was, naturally, in Zone A.
This picture is taken from the “Checkpoint Charlie” between Zones A & C.
I finished reading The Great Romantic – a book about Nevil Cardus by Duncan Hamilton, which I reviewed for King Cricket:
The cricket on Day Two was excellent. England fought back well to limit the further damage to only 130 or so runs. Then, after losing two early wickets, batted without further damage until stumps.
I eagerly anticipated Day Three, which I had chosen to spend in The Warner Stand, which would have completed my experience of the trilogy of Zones in Zone B.
Day Three: Friday 4 June 2021
But you know what they say about plans.
Sometimes no amount of planning can save you from the inevitable
The weather forecast earlier in the week had predicted fair weather for the whole match – perhaps a slightly cloudier day on the Friday.
What happened instead was rain.
All day.
I did other things instead…and to some extent did the things I had intended to do at the cricket elsewhere instead.
King Cricket might or might not chose to publish my account of Day Three. One way or another, though, I’ll self-publish or link to that account in the fulness of time.
I witnessed Devon Conway score a test century (indeed, in his case, a double-century) on debut at Lord’s. He is only the sixth batsman in history to achieve that feat.
Apart from Harry Graham, who was the first to achieve that rare feat in 1893, I have seen, live at Lord’s, all the other people who achieved it:
John Hampshire (I met him a few times, including at Lord’s but never saw him play live)
Sourav Ganguly (I saw him play at Lord’s on the following India tour, in 2002)
Andrew Strauss (I was at his debut test the day after that innings, having seen him achieve the century on TV)
Matt Prior (I actually witnessed that debut innings).
Conclusion
Just look what it means to him…
It really was wonderful to see live cricket again. What more can I say?
For many years I have written occasional guest pieces for the amusing cricket website, King Cricket. Most pieces are written by webmeister Alex Bowden; a fine writer and good bloke.
My contributions tend to be in the following, especially whimsical, King Cricket categories:
Cricket paraphernalia in unusual places;
Animals being conspicuously indifferent to cricket;
Cricket match reports, which must meet one of two strict criteria:
if it’s a professional match, on no account can the writer mention the cricket itself,
if it’s an amateur match, the author is expected to go into excruciating detail about the cricket.
I realise that I have just generated a small list; a list of King Cricket categories.
But that is not the list I want to talk about today. No.
I keep a list of my submissions; I call it my King Cricket Article Log.
That’s the list I want to talk about. There are 83 articles on the list at present; 75 published and eight pieces awaiting publication.
I could simply cut, paste and read all the article titles…but I don’t think that would be much fun for you, or me.
Instead, I have written a highlights list, with explanations, which might be an entertaining story in its own right:
Alex Bowden often publishes my pieces “fashionably late”; not knowing when they’ll be released is part of the fun for me. That’s why I keep a canonical list of my King Cricket submissions.
Review Of The Evening
As the brief for this ThreadZoomMash was to write a story based on a list, I think I owe it to the evening’s central conceit to review the evening in the form of a list:
Rohan introduced the evening with some thoughts on what lists are in the grander scheme of things and how they might become central to our stories;
Julie read a truly brilliant short story about a very short-lived romance in the form of a series of daily do-lists;
Geraldine had us in stitches with story named Stitches, about a trip long ago with her baby and an infeasibly long packing list for an activities weekend;
Jill’s list story was very imaginative; based on the idea that all the things she (or her character in the story) had done to escape an unsatisfactory employment were in the form of theme park activities, which she explored as a list of such things;
Jan talked about her love of lists, discussing several different types of list before settling on her “Grumpy List”, a surprisingly short list of highly amusing bugbears. So, we then moved on to…;
…Kay, who opened with a Dorothy Parker quote, which led in to her list of the men/boys for whom she has strong and poignant memories of why she was attracted to them. It was a wonderful mixture of charming, funny and dark;
Terry’s piece was called The Gratitude List. It mostly comprised a list of the people he’s been closest to and to whom Terry is perennially grateful. It was a very touching piece.
We had a great chat about each other’s pieces after the readings, which made for a very enjoyable gathering, as always.
The London Cricket Trust is springing back to life this spring. Our mission is to put cricket back into London’s Parks. I am one of the trustees and we have been going about that business for more than three years now.
For reasons I don’t really need to explain, pretty much all of the London Cricket Trust (LCT) activity we had planned for 2020 had to be postponed.
That doesn’t mean that we have been inactive; far from it. A few dozen new pitches went in during 2020 and a few dozen more will go in during 2021; mostly the early part of the year so they can be used this coming summer.
A few weeks ago, out of the blue, we were contacted by Harjot Sidhu, aka London Writing Guy, who wanted an interview for his sports blog. Naturally I said yes.
That picture is making me feel hungry. Anyway, I’m sure you get the point.
Still, we managed to hit it off through the interweb/blogosphere and the result I hope is a useful addition to Harjot’s blog. It is certainly a timely piece about the LCT.
Timely, because the London Cricket Trust website is to be formally launched in just over a week’s time (you may sneak in and have an advanced peak through the links on this piece – I won’t tell anyone if you don’t).
We also have plans for site launches in May and July, which we hope to be able to confirm and announce soon. One of those is due to be at one of the West London sites between my place and Harjot’s, so hopefully we’ll get a chance, belatedly, to meet in person then.
In February 2021 I took a stroll and listened to The Ridiculous Ashes podcast while so doing. I wrote up the “event” in the style of a King Cricket match report.
We thought it would be a good idea to have a meal together after the Trustees meeting this time. We have been gathering now since 2017 planning non-turf pitch and net facilities for London’s parks, without ever breaking bread together…until this evening.
The Three Cranes location in the City worked well for me, giving me the opportunity to clear some work at the office (yes, believe it or not I did also do some work in this event-filled week) before the Trustees meeting at the Three Cranes, which was followed by the joyous meal and libations.
This evening was an excellent opportunity to all get to know each other a bit better. Not just we Trustees, but also the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) people who have been working tirelessly on our intiiative (and participation cricket more generally), plus Ed Griffiths and his team who have been doing so much wonderful pro bono work on behalf of the LCT over the years.
One of many good thoughts that emerged from the evening is that we still haven’t actually watched any professional cricket together; we’re hoping to put that right during the 2020 season.
A very enjoyable evening.
Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Dinner & Trophy Match, Spaghetti House Holborn, Thursday 12 December 2019
One NewsRevue alum who, sadly, only just made it a few months beyond the 20th anniverary of that show was Ivan Shakespeare. We “Class Of ’92” types who were NewsRevue contemporaries of Ivan meet on an irregular occasional basis, three or four times a year, to keep in touch with each other, eat, trade jokes, share bizarre quizzes and also to remember Ivan. We’ve been doing that since mid 2000, a few months after Ivan died.
In the seasonal version of our gathering, the stakes increase markedly and we play one of the quizzes for The Ivan Shakespeare Memorial Trophy. I am proud to be the donor of the original Memorial Trophy, which was first contested in 2002, about 18 months after the dinners started.
It’s a bit like The Ashes, but for comedy writers rather than for cricketers.
Much like The Ashes, the trophy is a thing of exquisite gimcrackness; it’s absence of taste simply has to be seen to be believed:
Observant readers will see that I won that trophy once; in 2004Some real names from the world of quizzing on there: Hugh Ryecroft for one, Barry Grossman being another.
The problem is, unlike The Ashes, the trophy is inscribed with the winner’s name each year…
…and the original trophy is running out of sensible places for the embazoning of the winner’s name…
…OK, there never were sensible places for the emblazoning, but now we are even running out of silly places to inscribe.
The solution: a new trophy. Acquired through the sort of tenacity that only Graham Robertson could possibly deploy – an eBay purchase which he needed to make twice because the first eBay vendor of tasteless out-of-date royal gimcrack merchandise took Graham’s money and did a runner.
The assembled alums at our new spiritual venue, The Spaghetti House in Holborn, decreed that Mark Keegan, who won the original trophy three times, should become “steward-for-life” of the original trophy.
Mark Keegan, delighted with his original trophy. Graham Robertson looks on, enviously.Barry Grossman shows off the new trophy……then wears one for the team by winning the new trophy this year
As usual I came quite close but no cigar for me in the trophy stakes since 2004. Barry Grossman scooped the glittering prize this year – with sincere commiserations to Barry – he could have been an also-ran, but instead…
It wasn’t all quizzes and trophies; oh no, no, no, no, no, no no. There was plenty of time for eating, drinking, topical humour and some sense-of-irony-sapping politics on what was, after all, an election night.
Moving swiftly on from the will-to-live-depleting topics back to the humour section, John Random produced another set of personalised Christmas crackers this year, based on the BBC Radio 4 programme In Our Time with Melvyn Bragg.
My cracker contained a note posing the intriguing question:
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Frankly, I had no idea and would gladly have said, “no idea”, but for the answer provided, which instead said, in Braggian tones:
With me to discuss what you call a deer with no eyes, I have Ian Harris, Professor of Mammalian Opthalmology at Gresham College and author of In Darkness Let me Dwell – and Professor Jonny Hurst from the University of Manchester, author of Champagne Super Over: Oasis In Popular Culture.
There is sort-of a tradition in recent years for at least one person’s order to go horribly wrong at the festive dinner. This year it Barry Grossman who suffered the indignity of being brought his main at starter time and a starter-sized portion of his chosen main at main course time. The nice waiter did his best to sort things out.
Ironically, Barry went on to win the quiz, as did Jonny Hurst in 2017 when it was his turn to be the brunt of the ritual service humiliation – in those days at Cafe Rogues in Holborn not far from the scene of this year’s crime. That year, 2017, John Random’s personalised crackers had been based on the Moral Maze. He likes his thinky-Radio-4 programmes, does our John.
Anyway, the night of 12 December 2019 will surely be remembered as a great night for NewsRevue alums…and Tories…ironically.
Z/Yen Seasonal Lunch, The Old Bailey, Friday 13 December 2019
Z/Yen team gathered in the Alderman & Sheriff’s apartment
In the world of crime fiction, criminals have a regular, unfortunate tendancy; returning to the scene of the crime. Whether that is true in the real world or not I have no idea. Nor do I have the faintest idea what that point might have to do with this section of this piece.
Anyway, just three days after the Z/Yen Alumni function at The Old Bailey, the current Z/Yen team regrouped in that astonishing building for the staff seasonal lunch.
On this occasion we found ourselves in the smaller function room, used daily for the judges pre-luncheon drinks, after enjoying our pre-lunch drinks in Michael and Elisabeth’s apartment. Once again Sean, their footman, proved his skills as a photographer – thanks Sean.
The meal was a very good one; smoked trout fillet, followed by a posh duck dish, followed by an apple tart-like desert.
The wines tasted suspiciously like those excellent wines we’d enjoyed earlier in the week and seemed suspiciously well food-matched for the lunch, thanks to the combined skills of Gordon Clunie and (in all modesty) me.
Linda produced one of her fiendish seasonal quizzes – let’s not even talk about how badly Simon Mills and I did as a so-called team on that one.
Secret Santa visited (I got some baritone ukulele strings) and Santa also brought everyone a small box of super posh chocolates.
Then the traditional Z/Yen seasonal sing song. Being exceptionally woke for a boomer, I again recycled a previous effort this year, cunningly adding a topical reference ensuring that no-one would realise that it was recycled…
…unless they looked at the copyright years and/or version numbers and/or read this piece. Here is the 2019 version of The 12 Days Of Z/Yen Training. Excellent, was the performance, especially the “Five Forces” motif, which brought tears to my eyes each time around.
It is a fascinating musical phenomenon that this particular song works in so many different keys: C, C#, B, D, D#, A, E, G#, G, F & F#…all at the same time…at least, it did that afternoon.
After the formalities, plenty of informalities with some additional quizzing, singing, chatting and libations until it was chucking out time at The Old Bailey.
Chucking out time at The Old Bailey on a Friday afternoon works remarkably quickly and effectively:
You are welcome to stay on downstairs if you wish…but no-one will be here with the keys to your cell until Monday morning…
…everyone scarpers sharpish at that juncture.
Some ventured on for more libations at a local hostelry, but after five events in five days, all I could think about was getting home and lying down for a good few hours.
With thanks to Colin Short for this and many of the photos.
The cricket season once again seemed to be over in the batting of an eyelid. Some wags might argue that Middlesex couldn’t even have batted an eyelid in the county championship towards the end of this season. But I’m not that sort of wag.
For both the members’ forum on the Monday and the end of season lunch on the Friday, I was able to secure suitably timed real tennis sessions, hopefully gaining lots of useful practice with my doubles partner, Dominic, ahead of our quarter-final appearance next week.
The Monday evening forum was a surprisingly civilised affair, with members expressing their disappointment with the championship season but little of the bile that some thought might emerge.
Chatting with several of the regulars at the post forum drinks, the mood was mostly quite optimistic for next season, hoping that the progress made this year with the white ball might filter through to the red ball cricket next season. It was also good to hear about several really promising youngsters coming through the seconds – I didn’t get to see any second team cricket this year.
Friday 4 October 2019
I was shocking at the tennis this morning – hopefully getting my bad match out of the way ahead of the proper match next week – whereas Dominic was terrific – hopefully going from strength to strength and then next week yet further strength.
Janie was fashionably late for the Middlesex event although mostly for the unfashionable reason that she had a power cut at Noddyland while doing the washing, which set her back time-wise. Then her cab didn’t show up.
Undaunted, Janie arrived ahead of the meal while Gus was doing the introductions.
Our table included Westy, Brigit, Geoff Norris, Charles Robbins, Jane Saxton and David Kendix – only the latter escaping Colin and his new iPhone camera towards the end of the event:
Jane & WestyColin showing off his new phone/camera to Ged (or should I say Ian?) Geoff Norris coaching Stuart Law, while I look on and Daisy looks awayGeoff & CharlesWesty & BrigitGed & Daisy
But before we got to the point that there was all that detritus on our table, we dined on this:
With awards and stuff being done between coursesDawid Malan was Players’ Player Of the Year AND Player Of The YearDavid Fulton presents the Youth Player Of The Year award to Josh de Caires, via his helicopter dad, Michael.The Women’s Squad pay tribute to retiring stalwart Beth Morgan (in bright red).
After the awards, we were entertained by a highly skilled and entertaining magician. Some wags would suggest that he must have used magic to get our cricketers consistently to catch his deck of cards as it was thrown around for one of the tricks, but I’m not that sort of wag. The magician did somehow manage to extract a £20 note from Angus for his last trick – that could only possibly have been done by magic – the rest of that outstanding trick paled into insignificance after that initial piece of sorcery.
It seems to me that this event, only recently revamped as an awards lunch in this style, is going from strength to strength each year. The tone of the event is a superb mix of professionalism and clubiness; very much in keeping with Middlesex’s ethos.
Whose idea was it to play first class cricket in England beyond the autumn equinox this year? I suppose it is inevitable as the authorities try to fit more and more short form cricket into the central chunk of the summer that the first class season will increasingly bookend those tournaments.
Anyway, this round of matches was entirely played after the equinox (which, for astronomical geeks, took place about 40 minutes before play was supposed to start on 23 September). The Lord’s match for this fag end of the season was Middlesex v Derbyshire.
I had work commitments for much of the day but wanted to show the Lord’s pavilion to a couple of Z/Yen’s keen youngsters; Morgan and Sean (the latter being Michael’s nephew).
I got to Lord’s in time to see a little bit of cricket before the fellas arrived, but by the time they got to Lord’s it was raining. Still, I could show them around the pavilion and could also show them some live sport in the form of real tennis, where a couple of my pals were battling out a tournament match.
After my guests departed, I joined the Seaxe Club evening for a quick drink before going home.
Tuesday 24 September 2019
I had pre-arranged to spend the day with DJ at Lord’s, but the weather forecast looked so shocking we expected no play, so we scaled back our arrangement to be lunch only. I agreed to play tennis as a late substitute at 15:00.
The timing worked very well – I was able to get a good chunk of work done before meeting DJ at Lord’s around 12:15 and taking some early lunch and having a good chat with him.
Miraculously, there was a short hiatus in the rain that enabled some 20-25 minutes of play, which we enjoyed in glorious sunshine, before the clouds and rain returned.
I guessed, correctly, that any further breaks in the rain would be too brief to enable play and in any case I think David felt that he had enjoyed the shortened but enjoyable get together and he would return to some work-oriented tasks.
I had a good hour of tennis before learning that stumps had been drawn early which enabled me to shower, change and get to the Middlesex Sponsors party in perfect time.
Very few sponsors turned up as the weather had been so poor, thus, unusually, I chatted with several players, as they outnumbered the sponsors. I spoke with Ethan Bamber for the first time who didn’t seem to realise how impressive he now looks. I hope my pep talk helped; he did go on to take his maiden first class fivefer in this match so i don’t think it hindered.
There was plenty to drink (I was quite moderate) and enormous quantities of cheese (I tried to help out). I also won half a case of wine…again! Half of that half case went in “informal storage charges” to the tennis pros after the party.
Strangely, the rain had completely relented by evening so I decided to partially walk off my wine and cheese.
Wednesday 25 September 2019
I had my prearranged tennis game scheduled for the morning (a couple of hours in the end) and Richard Goatley wanted to see me at noon, so the morning went that way.
I had a good game of tennis and missed little cricket before lunch.
The weather improved (against the forecast) lunchtime, so I grabbed a sandwich and some reading matter, taking up position on the Members’ Bar balcony – a place that is normally hard to get to but which was almost deserted at the fag end of the season.
There I watched, read and chatted for a couple of hours, before deciding that I really should go home and get my work done. What a great idea to have cricket this late in the season when the weather smiles like this:
