After taking The Duchess to see Carmen at the ENO on the Thursday evening, Janie and I both worked full days on the Friday (Janie starting crack of dawn) ending up in New Orleans (in Ealing, not Louisiana) for a late supper on Friday night…
…then tennis at 10:00 on Saturday (not much change there in 25 years except the location) blah blah.
But then we relaxed for an evening at La Porte Des Indes on the junction of Old Quebec Street & Bryanston Street – recently (25 years on) departed but a relatively new restaurant then.
Below is Helen Fielding’s review from when it opened the previous year:
I think I have the programme somewhere but this was on my mystery list until I found it in both our diaries while doing one of my “25 years on” trawls.
This was a “birthday treat” for Janie in which I expect i picked up the tab and Pauline, Duchess of Castlebar, graced us with her presence.
Janie’s not much one for opera but we all agreed that Carmen was a good place to really test that hypothesis. I had “done” Carmen as a small child of course – type cast as an urchin boy – another story for another Ogblog.
Anyway…
…this was the Jonathan Miller production at the ENO.
Edward Seckerson in The Independent sort-of liked it:
I think we were fairly indifferent to the production. It certainly wasn’t as good as the Putney Operatic Society’s version 25 years earlier…I wasn’t in it for a start.
This was an attempt at a perennial silly summer holiday song for NewsRevue. I’m not sure it works, despite a few good lines. I’m pretty sure it didn’t get used in NewsRevue.
YOU ME AND JULIO DOWN BY THE SEASIDE (To the Tune of “You Me And Julio Down By The School Yard”)
VERSE 1 – BOTH
We’re Sharon and Tracy, plan to get away, Want to fly to the Costa Brava; Gary got sloshed, so we borrowed his dosh, Which started the whole ffff palaver. It’s not against the law, It’s not against the law, A bit of fun and more, That’s what we came ‘ere for.
VERSE 2
SHAZZA: Julio waits in the “Cafe Ole”, So we ordered his huge paella, TRACE: Shazza got laid, while muggings here paid, And got a bleedin’ dose of salmonella We’re well on our way, We don’t know where we’re staying, We’re well on our way, We’ll ‘ave some fun while we sort it out; Goodbye to Gary and Wayne back in Essex, It’s you, me and Julio down by the seaside; Screw you, me and Julio down by the seaside.
VERSE 3
In a couple of days, coppers took us away, And the Spanish cells are not well nice; The judge looked delighted when he had us extradited, We was all over El Pais; (TRACE: You was all over the bleedin police ‘n’ all SHAZZA: Shut up you fat slag. You can bleedin’ talk) We’re well on our way, We’re flying back to England, We’re well on our way, Hopin’ Gary and Wayne don’t mind; Goodbye to Julio and his Tapas on the ‘ouse (SHAZZA: Tap us on the arse – ha ha TRACE: Shut up you fat slag), You, me, Wayne and Gary down home in Southend, You, me, Wayne and Gary sloshed down in Southend, Shaz, Trace, Wayne and Gary sloshed down in Southend – Ole.
Below is the official Paul Simon video of Me And Julio Down By the Schoolyard which I’d never seen before and is well worth the three minutes investment required.
The suggestion, back in 1997 when William Hague, the then Tory leader, married Ffion Jenkins, was that this was a marriage of convenience.
Writing more than 20 years later, in May 2019, it appears either that the chatterati were mistaken or that it remains convenient.
Anyway, my lyric below was in the show for some while, until someone else came along (was it Debbie Barham? John Random? Noel Christopher? Other?) and wrote a wonderful version of Wimoweh – “Ffion Sleeps Tonight”, inferring even less subtly than my lyric below that there was little intimacy between William and Ffion.
FFION (To the Tune of “Rave On”)
CHORUS 1 – OTHER FEMALE
We-e-e-e-e-ll the little bitch dates William Hague, I’d sooner have bubonic plague, F-Ffion, A crazy moniker, I’d need, A gin and tonic or Prozac, To get laid, F-F-Ffion with him.
CHORUS 2 – FFION
The way he dances on the floor, You’d think he’s pushing eighty four; F-F-F-Ffion, I’m William’s totty, And folk say, I must be potty, He’s like, A three pound note, Straight as a claw.
MIDDLE EIGHT
F-F-F-F-FFion, A crazy party, Votes in, Her bloke, a smarty, Pants who, Takes a tarty, To look cool.
OUTRO
F-F-F-F-F-FFion He’s like a willow, Hague would Prefer Portillo Than spend, A night with you, F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FFion, you knew, F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FFion, true blue.
Below is a video of Rave On by Buddy Holly with lyrics on the screen.
We went on a Friday evening to see part of a preview run of this play/production, which went on to have a good long stint at the Aldwych and which had previously been tested at the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre in Guildford (according to my notes) and/ot Theatre Royal Bath according to the Theatricalia entry.
Anyway…
…I have always been partial to a bit of Simon Gray and also partial to a bit of Alan Bates’s acting and Harold Pinter’s directing, so this was a “must see” for me and Janie – hence the Friday evening booking.
Below is a rare review of the actual Richmond performances from the Ealing & Acton Gazette:
Janie had known Laurie & (especially) Dot Johnson for a great many years – the latter being one of Janie’s clients.
Laurie was very well known in show business and media circles, primarily for writing TV theme tunes such as the following, which Janie and I both remembered fondly from our childhoods:
In 1997, it seems that Laurie, in an attempt to stave off dotage, was launching an autumnal recording and touring career with a new combo; Laurie Johnson’s London Big Band.
Dot kindly invited us to the 8 June concert and the star-studded after show party.
We were among the youngest people in the audience that night. Actually, I think our combined ages at that time (75-ish) might still have made us among the youngest people at the show that night.
Janie and I, seated among the guest celebs in that central block of seats deemed the best in the Barbican Hall, enjoyed watching the bobbing heads of the elderly concert-goers in front of us, making micro-movements in recognition of the swinging beat of the music.
Indeed, for years…nay decades after the concert, Janie and I would mimic the uber-syncopation, not least the cymbal beats, of the Big Band’s rendition of the This Is Your Life Theme:
That one seemed to go down especially well with the elderly bobbing-head brigade.
The after show party was very enjoyable. I guess that we technically met a great many celebs: Laurie Johnson, Ron Moody, Jack Parnell, Don Lusher, Kenny Baker, Benny Green and Tommy Whittle were all on the bill…
…as was a lovely young woman named Alexia, who was a singing waitress at a restaurant that Laurie and Dot liked. They had taken Alexia somewhat under their wings and were promoting her through this show/tour.
We didn’t meet John Dankworth & Cleo Laine that evening, much to Dot’s chagrin, as she seemed very keen for Janie to meet them, but for some reason (health we think) they were unable to attend. Nor was Lionel Bart there, possibly for the same sort of reason.
I do however remember chatting at length with Herbert Kretzmer, who was a good friend of the Johnsons and was very interesting company for quite a while at that function. Fellow lyricists and all that – me and Herbie had a great deal in common. 😉
Go on, bob your head gently to the swinging strains of the This Is Your Life theme again – you know you want to:
We were tending to book RNT things in preview or very early in runs, so this was an unusually late visit to see this one – perhaps we couldn’t get the seats we wanted until later or perhaps we missed it in the first block of dates.
Anyway, we thought this was “very good”.
One of our favourite troupes, Théâtre de Complicité, was responsible for this one. Juliet Stevenson played the lead along with Simon McBurney who also directed. The Theatricalia entry can be found here.
This was the first of those “in the round” productions that the RNT did at The Olivier while it was being refurbished.
Nicholas de Jongh in The Standard was not too keen on it:
No equivocation from us nor the critics on this one. While my “very good” report on many pieces covers a range of satisfaction, for this one I wrote:
One of the very best…
…which is not something I wrote often. I very clearly recall Janie and I walking out after Closer saying “wow” to each other.
Patrick Marber himself directed it and we were skilful/fortunate to see the original cast at the Cottesloe as this production upscaled in the light of rave reviews, multiple awards and huge audiences. We saw Liza Walker, Clive Owen, Ciaran Hinds and Sally Dexter. Here is the Theatricalia entry.
Here are the pick of the reviews.
First up – Charles Spencer in the Telegraph raving about it:
Ann Widdicombe was a high-profile Tory MP back in the 1990s. She did not get on well with the then home secretary and aspiring Tory leader, Michael Howard, if this lyric is to be understood. Writing this up in 2019, she is back in the news as a very Brexity person.
WHEN YOU FALL OUT WITH THAT WIDDICOMBE WOMAN (To the Tune of “When You’re In Love With a Beautiful Woman”)
VERSE 1 – MICHAEL HOWARD
When you fall out with that Widdicombe woman, its hard, When you fall out with that Widdicombe woman, you know it’s hard, (WIDDICOMBE AS CHORUS: your job is hard, but your knob’s not hard); Everybody boos me, No-one will choose me, Nobody wants me for the top Tory post.
VERSE 2 – HOWARD
When you fall out with that Widdicombe woman, watch your friends, (WIDDICOMBE AS CHORUS: what’s a friend, you’ve never had a friend); When you fall out with that Widdicombe woman, it never ends, (WIDDICOMBE CHORUS: this bloke’s the end, it’s known as Howard’s end); She says I faked it, Screwed up at Parkhurst, {Everybody hangs up when I call on the phone}, {WIDDICOMBE: everybody hangs up when he calls on the phone}; When you hang out with that ghastly old woman, you go it alone.
MIDDLE EIGHT – HOWARD WITH MINY HOWID VOWILS
Maybe its just a legal problem, People might still rally round my flag; But they’re fair weather friends, I’m a faint hearted candidate, And every time she speaks out, I want to kill that old bag.
VERSE 3 – WIDDICOMBE
When I speak out on that Parkhurst fiasco, watch his eyes, (HOWARD: better watch my eyes, don’t want to catch her eye); When he reposts on that Parkhurst fiasco, you should be looking for lies, (HOWARD: I never tell a lie, I might save the odd truth for a rainy day); You know that he’s crazy, You cannot trust him, BOTH: There is something of the night in this jerk,
(HOWARD: (aside) That’s why they call her Doris Karloff)
BOTH: Since we fell out with the people of Britain, we’re both out of work.
Below is a video of Dr Hook singing When You’re In Love With A Beautiful Woman with the lyrics on the screen:
Soon after Tony Blair became Prime Minister, news broke of him having “secret” meetings with Mrs Thatcher. This lyric for NewsRevue examined the possibilities around such meetings. I’m not sure whether or not it was used. I don’t recall seeing it performed.
MAGGIE MIGHT (To the Tune of “Maggie May”)
VERSE 1 – BLAIR
Come back Maggie, I think I’ve got something to say to you, We’re deep in Europe and about to join the EMU; I’ve got a summer of summits this year, and still have no idea, Oh Maggie, I can’t stand Leon Brittan’s face.
MIDDLE EIGHT 1 – BLAIR
You led us away from home, you’ve even read The Treaty of Rome, You sold us out and that’s what really hurts.
VERSE 2 – THATCH/BLAIR
THATCH: All you need now is a mum to lend a helping hand, THATCH: That damned fool Major did the same with old Jim Callaghan; BLAIR: I laughed at all of your jokes, like your Tory Cabinet blokes; THATCH: Those sleaze bags have all gone without a trace.
MIDDLE EIGHT 2 – BLAIR
You led us for donkey’s years, you might allay the worst of my fears, The Germans think the EMU is world war three;
VERSE 3 – THATCH/BLAIR
THATCH: You should give that ghasty Kohl a mighty gagging, THATCH: Take me with you and I’ll give Helmut a handbagging; BLAIR: I’ve listened to the words that you’ve said, think I’d sooner stay at home in bed; BLAIR: Oh Maggie, I wish I’d never won this job.
MIDDLE EIGHT 3 – BLAIR/THATCH
BLAIR: You’ve made a first class fool out of me, THATCH: That job was pitifully easy, BLAIR: Our secret meeting was on every damned front page; THATCH: You’ve made me look like a prize bender, THATCH: James Goldsmith’s livid back in his hacienda, BLAIR: Mandelson and Tony Benn are in a rage.
OUTRO (as they exit)
BLAIR: Same time next week, then, Maggie? THATCH: Certainly. It was great fun. I’ll bring the whips and amyl nitrate next time.
La Porte Des Indes Fielding Indy 17 Mar 1996, Sun The Independent (London, Greater London, England) Newspapers.com
